Jealousy

The double standard.

   What are you supposed to do when someone tells you not to fall in love with them? That is an emotion you cannot stop. You cannot stop anyone from hating. Why is this society obsessed with restricting love, but not hatred? 

     Ahmed continued to tell me not to love him. At one point, he told me he wanted a break. Normally, this means that someone does not want to be with you anymore. So, I contacted Joel the married man. After a couple of weeks, I missed Ahmed. It was the same situation as it was before with Joel. I could not call or visit. It was only when he wanted to see me. 

     So, I began contacting Ahmed once more. I only wanted to be friends and I told him that you do not sleep with your friends. That blew up in my face. He was up to his same tricks and I told him that I was with Joel and that was why I needed a friend...not a lover. He was angry about the fact that I went back to Joel. 

     Needless to say, we were seeing each other again. He still went on his lecture about how we were friends. I never wanted friends with benefits. It leads nowhere and I do not get any benefits. What's the point? His friends have asked me why I am not married; this was exactly the reason.

     Even though he did not want me as a girlfriend, he was jealous of my platonic friends. I was always leaving my home to do everything. Many things were falling apart at my house. My trees were out of control and reaching into the alley and the neighbor’s yard. 

     I wrote on Facebook that I needed help with the trees. My friend Rob offered to help for the cost of beer. So, I began communicating with him about a time. Ahmed stated that he could help. How could he help when he was going to college and he never came to my house? He always had time to play with his friends and get drunk, but never came to my house? The reason why everything was out of control was that I was always in Boise and one of those visits to Boise was his place. 

     I told him no because it was clear that he was jealous about Rob coming to help me. I was angry because he did not trust me. I was angry because this was the only reason he wanted to come help me. Additionally, what about all of the men who come to do maintenance on my house? I have never had a woman because nobody has ever sent one. Men installed my DirecTv, phone lines, water heater, furnace, and windows. How did this make Rob different? 

     Ahmed told me that I would not let him over because I was going to sleep with Rob. This was not true. As usual, though, Rob bailed on me. He did not help me with the tree because he said that the neighbors would press charges on him for trespassing. I already had permission to work on my tree in their yard! 

     Ahmed grew more distant. He said he was always busy. I went to college; I know what going to school is like. I rarely went out when I was attending. I hate doing everything at the last minute and I had to work. I still grew suspicious because he had time for everything else. We rarely spent time together. The communication on the phone was less frequent. Red flags began to rise, especially, due to his jealousy. 

     I started to become more suspicious when I saw him checking messages on Plenty of Fish. He was receiving messages on his phone. I saw one that said, "Do you like me?" I felt infuriated because I didn't want him to be seeing anyone else. Why did he get on my case for even trying to get assistance from a man?

     Then I began seeing this blonde girl making comments on his posts on Facebook. Her appearance already annoyed me because she looked like someone who has been around the block a few times. I was sure that he was seeing her.

     Then out of the blue, the blonde girl named Krista began sending me instant messages on Facebook. I had no idea who she was and I had no intention on learning who she was. She looked like someone who needed to learn some manners.

     Krista: Don't tell Ahmed I am asking about him. Are you two together?

     Me (feeling frustrated at her presence): Yes, why?

     Krista: Just wondering because you two spend a lot of time together.

     Me: Just for your information we are together. No I am not sharing and I just sent him a message that you were asking about him.

     I blocked her immediately and began sending Ahmed angry messages. Who was this bimbo? Why are you sleeping with other girls? He started telling me that they were just friends. I told him that I knew what he meant by that because that was what he was doing with me as a "friend."

     He called asking me why I was talking to her. I told him that she up and started sending messages to me. He told me not to talk to her. I gave him an earful about how I felt about him seeing other girls.

     He went on his, "I don't want a girlfriend," speech. This made me even more livid. I told him that he cannot see other girls because I did not want any diseases. I did not have the time, money, or patience for it. There is one thing that men do not understand and this is something that is very similar to American culture. I was at wits end and got the feeling that I could not even trust him.

     In turn, I became suspicious of everyone else. I suspected something was going on because I saw that this girl was also friends of a couple of people I knew from work. These individuals were the type that seemed to live off of drama and infidelity. 

     Suddenly, Ahmed was friends with these coworkers in particular. This made me even more upset with him. He claimed that he wanted one of the puppies that her dog was having. For some reason I did not believe him because of the type of person she was and the type of woman her friend was. I had a feeling that I could not trust these friends either.