Chapter One

     Sebastion L. Wells was a unique boy. His teacher thought it was a little odd because he did not go play outside like the rest of the boys did. His parents were unsure what to think because he never helped on the ranch or helped around the house. 

    He vanished every chance he got. Nobody knew where he went. During breaks at school he was not on the playground. When his parents needed him to feed the horses he was nowhere to be found. 

     His sister Nan was no help. She seemed to know something of his whereabouts, but she remained mum. As Ma cooked she looked over her shoulder at Nan.

     She turned and looked at Nan, "Have you seen your brother?" Nan shook her head. Ma looked at her with skepticism, "Are you sure? I could have sworn I saw you walked out with him this morning."

     "He told me that I couldn't go with him," her eyes innocently stared back. 

     "Do you at least know where he is going?" she asked. Nan was silent. Ma sighed and dried her hands on her apron. "Something is wrong with that boy."

     "What's wrong with Sebastion, Ma?" Nan asked.

     Ma shook her head, "Nothing."

     Pa walked into the house. He sat down on the chair and set his hat on the table. He drummed his fingertips on the table.

     "Where's Sebastion?" he asked.

     "I wish I knew," Ma sighed and stirred the stew.

     He looked at Nan, "Can you please get your brother?"

     Ma slammed the spoon down and Nan jumped from the sudden noise. Nan sighed and stood. Pa shook his head and pointed at Nan.

   "None of that," he told her. 

   Nan muttered, "Yes, sir."

   Nan walked out of the house. Pa sat quietly in his chair. He felt an angry gaze. He looked back at Ma.

    "What?" he asked her.

    "I was just asking our daughter where he was," she said. "She said that she did not know where he was."

    "Well, I saw them leave and only she returned," he said. "Need to learn to watch the kids."

     "Next time you see them going on another adventure you need to stop them and remind them of the chores they need to do before going anywhere," she said.

    

       

Reviews

[wtp]

Jennifer,

This chapter has promise for a long format work: four pivotal characters introduced (including Sebastian "off screen"), a mystery established (Where does he go?), and hints of conflict between the parents themselves, and between the parents and children.

However, I got hung up on the concept that "he never played outside like the rest of the boys did." You may know that, and Nan may know that, but all the parents and teachers know is that they can't find him. Perhaps he never played outside *with* the rest of the boys, or perhaps his clothes are never dirty. This may be unique to this reader; I used to write/edit/review technical documents so consistency is a major hobgoblin for me.

I would also like to see more of Nan in this chapter. Ma and Pa's frustrations with Sebastian, Nan, and each other begin to sketch their character out a bit. Nan remains an enigma, even though she is physically present.

I thought the piece gathered strength as it progressed. The first few paragraphs were more tell than show, but for their you painted a picture and let the reader draw their own conclusions. Very nice.

I look forward to reading more of your work.

WTP

[Jennifer]

You are absolutely right; I think this story has some sort of promise. My obstacles are that I'm writing this on a tiny notepad and I am having a hard time grasping what children may have been like in the wild west. Maybe I need to write on something else. I have a pretty cool story idea here, but this one is hard lol

[wtp]

I empathize about the challenges of your tools for writing. I finally caved and bought a big monitor, and it does help to see more of my writing at once. At least, it makes it easier to see some of the mistakes.

Please don't let the second challenge deter you, though! If I recall correctly, you've also written some sci-fi; if you can imagine a future the past should be possible as well. Don't restrict yourself to a single genre or time period too soon!

[Chris]

You finding the time to be you again? I hope you do, your voice has a lot to say. It is important to share and be part of our world.

You take care,
Chris

[Jennifer]

Yes, thank-you. Recently gained some time to write and I am writing about my current situation. This unfortunately, is going to be held private until the waves of chaos subside