You

You

A Poem by MJ (:

 

you, bathed in blue light.
you, dancing circles in my imagination.
you, composing my dreams.
you, whispering sweet somethings into my ear.
you, lacing your fingers into mine.
you, tasting my desire.
you, stripping my exterior.
you, eyeing my purpose.
you, altering my reality.
you, my reason.

 

© 2009 MJ (:


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Featured Review

Immaculately sweet and to the point. I would make only a minor recommendation. I think it would flow better if the fourth line were shortened to "you, whispering sweet somethings." It would retain the meaning, and "somethings" would have some consonance with "dreams." The line is also nearly twice the syllabic length of the two around it, so it wouldn't be hurt from the reduction.

Posted 14 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

God this is so nice..
You came out of nowhere,danced through my imagination
You made my dreams,you change them for me fro sweet to even sweeter
You whisper sweet things to my ear,you make me wild and so light
Lace fingers into mine,that touch was like nothing i sensed before
You see my desires and taste it,you uncover me,I am like naked
You know every purpose of me,you change all my realty
You are my reason,my sanity..what I live for
lovely write..

Posted 14 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Immaculately sweet and to the point. I would make only a minor recommendation. I think it would flow better if the fourth line were shortened to "you, whispering sweet somethings." It would retain the meaning, and "somethings" would have some consonance with "dreams." The line is also nearly twice the syllabic length of the two around it, so it wouldn't be hurt from the reduction.

Posted 14 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.


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2 Reviews
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Added on April 12, 2009

Author

MJ (:
MJ (:

New York City, NY



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