Feelings #1

My feelings put into words, it has more than 1 meaning, so read it and try to see what it means to you, not what it means to me.

If I was to walk outside
Take a step in these shoes
And analyze my life
What would it look like

Am I standing on top of the world
Holding the key to everything
The answers in my briefcase
Everything you wanted to know, in my hand
Am I Standing on top of the world

Am I dancing on TV
Singing, rapping, acting
My face being shown for ever action
I did this, I kissed him, I’m with him
Am I dancing on TV

Am I noticed
Recognized as a human being
A person that has feelings
A person that stands before you
Even though you look right passed me
Am I noticed

Where I am
What I am
I could search the world for years
And never find the answers
But who holds the answer
Searching in the dark
I need a flashlight
Someone guide me
I’m running into walls
My head’s hurting
I think I’m conscious
I’m standing
I’m breathing
But am I alive inside
Do I believe in myself
Enough to find myself

Who am I
I can keep searching for a million years
The answer not found
I’m invisible
Cause you don’t see me
I don’t see me
I’m a ghost to my ownself
I stand
I breathe
But am I alive or dreaming
I’m here physically
But mentally I’m escaping
The hole in the middle of the ground is gaping
It’s calling to me
To join the other’s who don’t belong
To stop my story where it’s at
16 year
16 chapters
No one understands my struggle
Instead they ask what struggle
The struggles I suffer
Can bring me down
No they can’t
But they have

Keep pushing you say
You can’t push a brick wall
You can’t keep moving with out going
Life your head
See the sky
I see dark clouds
I see rain
When it rains it pours
So I close my eyes
But dreams no better
Instead they’re colder
Dreams come true
Mine can stay inside
Locked in a cage
No escape
That’s how I feel
So cold and alone
I could write a story
But who would read it
I can state my problems
But who would see it
I can write the lyrics
But who would sing it
I can be whatever
I can do whatever
But who would notice

I shouldn’t wanna be notice
But I should want to be cared for
Hurting so much
I truly don’t care
This dark cloud follows me
To rain on my parade
Step on my toes
And send me down that hole
No don’t go
But the voices inside can’t fight this battle
No don’t go
I didn’t matter then, why I would matter now
That hole’s so big
It’s calling to me
So standing here I got 2 options
It’s now or never
But now is here and never, maybe never come
No don’t go, Might be the last words I hear
So when I jump down this hole
Don’t cry no tears
Years of the pain
Years of the torture
I want it to be over
So Imma end it
I’m done with “life”
And how it’s suppose to be
Aint no fairy tale ending
But I still believed in it
So when I Jump down this hole
Please don’t cry
I gave my all
And my all is had
I’m jumping down this hole
Because I have to go

Author's Note

Tell me what it means to you, not what you think i meant it to mean