My End

My End

A Story by Queen Jummarrium

     As I stood there with the wind blowing gently across my face I wondered how we all came to be. Though as I stared down over the edge of the cliff I realized that I no longer cared. All that mattered now was that I jumped.         

     Down below the dark rough waters constantly crashed against the sharp wall of the cliff. I knew for sure that there was no possible way I could survive

     I took one last look around the vacant mountain side. Not even a bird was soared thrut he empty cloudless sky. I slowly closed my eyes and drew in one last deep breath. I proceeded to bold step over the edge.

     Falling like a helpless rag doll was the most exhillarating thing I had ever done. It was over much to soon. I hit the icy water with great surprise. I plunged deeper and deeper until I was abruptly pushed against the rock hitting my head. I opened my eyes and was startled to find the water was a dark shade of scarlet. It took me a moment to realize it was blood. I must have cracked my skull open. Along with bleeding to death I was drowning. No longer able to hold my breath I gasping for air even though I knew I was far from the surface. Each gulp of water made my brain sink deeper into unconsiousness. The heavy haze that filled my mind quickly grew so thick everything turned black.  And I was gone. 

© 2009 Queen Jummarrium


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Featured Review

I like the relaxed way you took this on. No dramatic tearful goodbyes that no one can hear, no sorrow in your dying seconds. Its refreshing really, and well written! "Falling like a helpless rag doll was the most exhilarating thing I had ever done." --my fav line, for the feeling of the image! I bet it would be the purest fun to jump right off a cliff.


Posted 12 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

I loved it! There were a few mechanical errors, but the story as a whole made me get goose bumps. Very cool!

Posted 12 Years Ago


I really liked this piece, it had a great flow and you described it very well, but think it was a little rushed at the end. Maybe a little more description of what it was like, slowly drowning...and maybe the last line could be more spaced out, "And then...I was gone" for example.

There were a few mistakes here, basic stuff-
"I knew for sure that there was no possible way I could survive" needs a full stop.
"Not even a bird was soared thrut he empty cloudless sky" should be "Not even a bird soared through the empty, cloudless sky."
"I proceeded to bold step over the edge" should be "I proceeded to boldly step over the edge."
"Exhillarating" should be "Exhilarating"
"It was over much to soon" should be "It was over much too soon"
"No longer able to hold my breath I gasping for air" should be "No longer able to hold my breath, I was gasping for air"

And you need some commas, if you like I could proofread it and add commas where I think they're needed then send it to you to do with it what you will?
I'm sorry if I sound harsh but it will honestly make it an easier read, and I really do like it. I'm just trying to help. It is a great story.

Soul Writer

Posted 12 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Wonderful!
Fully embodies the ideals that my group is about. It struck a cord made me think! Bril! Thanks for sharing.

Posted 12 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

The end, the sorrow and bravery it would take to step over the edge, the last thoughts, it was all there. Thanks for submitting this in my contest.

Posted 12 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

i think that thats my end...

Posted 12 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Wow this is an incredible piece, very nicely done.

Posted 12 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

this is very in there a good write and i can see the person on the edge its very good

Posted 12 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Is that what happens when you cave dive?!? i think that was a Sad story -_- thats sopposed to be a sad face. Sorry if it dosent liook like it.

Posted 12 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

I like the relaxed way you took this on. No dramatic tearful goodbyes that no one can hear, no sorrow in your dying seconds. Its refreshing really, and well written! "Falling like a helpless rag doll was the most exhilarating thing I had ever done." --my fav line, for the feeling of the image! I bet it would be the purest fun to jump right off a cliff.


Posted 12 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.


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Added on March 24, 2009
Last Updated on May 3, 2009

Author

Queen Jummarrium
Queen Jummarrium

nowhere in particular , No Man



About
*I am an Atheist* *I support gay marriage* *I'm going to be queen of the world, someday* *And i'm going to have a royal shoe tier too* *Simple Plan songs define my life* *I live in t.. more..

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