I Do Not Wish to Hide

Trying to accept that my resources are few when affected by depression; To plan my life around these factors to avoid going into a deeper depression that is so difficult to escape once there...

I must in someone confide
that although I do not wish to hide,
my armour is withered and frail
- without it I surely will fail!
My body is soft and easily pierced,
and triumph quickly will turn into tears;
Weakened, I cannot sustain myself
by the means that others are so easily helped.

Vanity sometimes pushes me to ignore
the limits of my capability; which I ought to ensure
that they be indisputably respected without a cringe!
Instead of allowing upon them to be infringed
by myself and others, who do not understand
that my mind and body I cannot so easily command.

I have been living in a protective bubble
only with family and friends, to avoid unnecessary trouble.
Beyond my protected world, I have to explain
things not obvious to those without this kind of strain.
Every function is unreliable and easily breaks
and mends so slowly " heightening the stakes!

I cannot be careless, I cannot ignore
- Despite the impulses so eager to explore -
the world outside, far beyond my little shell.
Patience needed to sustain the emotional swell!
Should the well of emotion shatter, I will feel its devastation
At which point, I see no hope or will for self-preservation.

January, 2015

Author's Note

Art by Ditte Løfgren
ditteloefgren.com

any constructive criticism and suggestions are well received

Reviews

[Sophy Freebirds]

Mia!! Well unshed tears were springing in my eyes after reading this... I could so connect to this poem.Never have i been so emotionally taken by any poet's work.Its may be because i am having the same struggle as you.Yea! I don't want to hide but it is hard sometimes to open up.When soul is scarred and battered when we fight to keep body and soul together when we lack means to pursue our dream..... Allk this points i have been through.I am still going through it.May be thats the reason i could connect so deeply to it.Tou touched that part of my soul which was hidden from world. A salute to you for dping it.Really words can't express what i am feeling now. *keep writing*

~Sophy

[Mai L Nissen]

Sophy, thank you for your lovely review! I am glad that this poem has touch something inside you - though sad that there was something you could relate to in the first place. But now that this is the case, I hope that you can take a little comfort in knowing that you are not the only one and that it can and most likely will get better :)

[Sophy Freebirds]

:) yes sure i know that now. Thats what fellow poets are for.Was a pleasure

[Samhitha Mopati]

Sensitive, yet strong; that's how your poem is!
A beauty to read, your poem exactly depicts the minds of the depressed souls.
"My body is soft and easily pierced,
and triumph quickly will turn into tears;"
I felt these lines to be touchy and embracing!
Overall, an emphasizing poem ! Keep the writer within you alive, always..:)

[Mai L Nissen]

Thank you for your kind words, Samhitha! I appreciate you taking the time to share your thoughts :)

[Coyote Poetry]

Dear Poet. Given safety. Protection or prison?
"I cannot be careless, I cannot ignore
- Despite the impulses so eager to explore -"
I believe people confuse safety and concern with control. Kids will test life and need to. Parent will try to keep safe. Good teaching from elders will give our children good base and strength to fight the world. I enjoyed the poem. Made me think. Thank you for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

[Mai L Nissen]

Thank you for sharing your thoughts, Coyote. I think you are right that there is a difference between safety and concern with control. For me this poem is more about accepting that I do not have the strength to do the things I used to, so I need to be patient for some time until I regain strength and not let others and myself push beyond my current limitations.

I am glad you enjoyed the poem :)
Mai

[Coyote Poetry]

I did and you are welcome.

[Etta Beasley]

Amazing.. real life feelings being portrayed here. Great work..

[Mai L Nissen]

Thank you for reading!

[J. K. Beach]

Mai, It is a wise soul that recognizes their limitations and it is a goal we all should have... I do not mean that we should not strive to be bolder when the opportunity presents itself, but pushing too hard is often the cause of extreme stress which is never healthy. As you say, the slow incremental advance is often the surest road to a better state of mind. This is a very important message and the intensity of your words bring it out into the open most eloquently. Great job!

[Mai L Nissen]

Thank you, Jeff! I am glad you liked it... Well, I try to be smart about - though sometimes I do get impatient :) Your comments are always appreciated.

[Jamestown]

This write is really good, great flow and I could feel the emotions very clear.
To be struggling with depression and feel almost as if your trapped within a bubble,
and trying to manage your life all at once, must feel unbearable at times.
I enjoyed the read, but also sad for this depression you have tugging
on you, thanks for sharing and b-blessed!

[Mai L Nissen]

Thank you, I am glad you like it :) - Well, as long as I remember to respect my limitations, it is for the most part not that bad... :)

[gorillarock]

You nailed it Mai, depression is "I do not wish to hide". It's hard to explain the inability to open a door to someone who has no idea that your inability is not in your hand, but in your mind. Always self-preserve, always. Your mind and everything you are, Mai, has brightened the soul of another who shares this darkness.

Thank You for Sharing!

[Mai L Nissen]

Thank you for taking the time to read and comment! I am glad to have had a positive effect and that you feel understood through this poem :) - Then I suppose I got that bit right.