Inside the Mind of a Little Girl: A Quest for Knowledge

Inside the Mind of a Little Girl: A Quest for Knowledge

A Story by Mai L Nissen
"

A story of a little girl who lives mainly in her head, as the material world around her seems peculiar to her... Revised version at top, original version following in red writing.

"

Revised version 1st of April 2015 - and again 15th of May 2015:


The little girl had given it a lot of thought - the mystery of death, that is. When she was younger she had attended her grandfather’s funeral, sitting next to her aunt, on the front row in the church. The atmosphere was different from anything else she had experienced in all her four year long life. She had experienced sadness before, though never for this long (or as a collective activity). 


She didn’t know how to respond - well, she never did. She observed her aunt as she was leaning forward, as if having a stomach ache, with tears streaming from her eyes. Sound and noises, the little girl had previously only heard from little children or people with a severe cold. The little girl had experienced many colds and stomach aches, and she felt sorry for her aunt - she did not look comfortable. Sitting upright, a bit stiff, the little girl hesitantly reached towards her aunt’s trembling hand. As her aunt felt the warmth of the girl’s little paw, she responded with a gentle squeeze. Within seconds her aunt positioned into an even more advanced way of showing discomfort. Her body was shaking, she sounded like she couldn’t breathe. The little girl looked nervously about scanning the room for any reactions. Nothing. Okay, no need for alarm. The little girl believed in authority, she was quite willing to do her part, but she trusted in the judgement of adults. The little girl felt rather uncomfortable - more so than usual, when confronted with awkward social situations in which she had not fully decoded the conventions of the specific scenario. This was her first funeral. The little girl did not mean to be overly dramatic, but this was by far the most awkward " and perplexing - situation she had ever encountered. With a deep breath and furled brow, the little girl wiggled her toes as if there was no tomorrow. As her aunt clutched her little hand, the little girl stopped. She felt the urgency of acting, though she still had not decided which strategy was suitable for this situation. With caution she placed the other hand on top of her aunt’s. A bit tense, she peered from the corner of her eyes, unsure of the reaction. Her aunt looked down at her with a gaze loving and grateful. The little girl mechanically responded with a well intended, though indecisive smile.

 


Since then she had lived to see her grandmother follow suit. She remembered that she loved her grandmother as a little girl. Though for the past year her grandmother had been ill and said things that didn’t make sense. Even her parents said so. The little girl, though not willing to admit, found her grandmother a bit scary. She had finally learned to interact in social encounters without being met with a certain face. The face with the mouth slightly opened, the eyes opened wide, blankly staring at her for a few seconds. Then eventually they would shut their mouths, their eyes would flicker for a second while an almost invisible shiver travelled through their face before ending the conversation and moving on. It was a look of disbelief that was slowly relieved by bafflement. This ritual had been a daily occurrence in her 5 year long life. She knew that it was because of her, but she did not exactly know why. Generally, she had discovered a pattern or a semblance of one at least among groups of people in more familiar contexts. Her grandmother acted unpredictably, as if she did not know the rules. The little girl, for all her efforts of understanding the expectations of her in different social encounters, was at a loss. Her grandmother would utter single words randomly, on occasion she would manage to produce something akin to a sentence; she would grab hold of the little girl and hug her. The little girl did not like being hugged, at least not by strangers. Her grandmother seemed strange, like a stranger.

 

When she died, the little girl’s mother cried. The little girl gave her mother a long hug, as she had observed was the thing to do. She did not go to such length every time someone cried. Though if not now that someone had died, she reckoned, there would never be a good time to do so. She did it for her mother. She loved her mother. At first she was surprised, at her mother crying. Not because she had not seen this before. But her father had entered the room first, he was not crying. It was the little girl’s father who had lost his mother - and he didn’t cry... Should she hug her father as well? She loved her father too. Her father was not a man of many words and did not express himself in terms of any visible fluctuations in mood or feeling. Yet she always sensed some kind of sadness in him that she desperately wished she could protect him from. She was sad for her parents. She imagined that she would be very sad if any of them should die.

 

The little girl was curious to know, what death meant, not for the ones left behind, but for the people who died. Whenever she brought up such topics, people tended to agree that people go to a place called Heaven, when they die. A man referred to as ‘God’ was usually a key figure in the concept called Heaven. Despite the general consensus, now and again she would meet someone who claimed not to know what would happen or who would claim that there was more than one god. They were all relatively reasonable adults that she respected as an authority, yet their statements about death - and life, for that matter, or creation as some would call it - were so contradictory. It occurred to the little girl that there were things that were not just a mystery to her. 


As it dawned on her that adults did not have the answer to such an important issue, she was overwhelmed by a sense of duty, a responsibility to figure out the answer to such a question. Although she made sure always to do her home work, she spent most of her time thinking. Other obligations would force the little girl to put aside her quest for answers. Mainly, these consisted of social interaction: such as talking to people, saying the right things, listening, playing well with other children, give comfort and being comforted by adults, should they deem it necessary. In her spare time, the little girl would lie in her bed and just think about the world’s big questions, philosophize and sometimes just dream away. In between her social obligations and seeking an answer satisfactory to issues such as death and life, she was trying to solve another riddle. She felt strange and awkwardly out of place, and at times she imagined herself to be a changeling. It was a quite reasonable hypothesis, she deemed.

Growing up with folklore about elves, trolls, dwarves and supernatural powers, it seemed obvious to the little girl that her origin could be explained within the framework of these stories of ancient realms. Perhaps she originated from an elf- or troll-society that had been banished by humans into the cold rocks, hills or caves. While she knew her imagination was a vivid force, she felt strongly about her being different from other people. To the little girl, the idea of having supernatural origin was an appealing prospect " that would explain everything! With help from exhaustive drafts of theories on the subject that she had sketched herself. She did not believe in aliens, though - that was just silly! Only silly people would believe in that - and she was not silly! She knew that it was not very nice to think of others as silly, but privately she did judge such people - just a little bit. 

 




Original version:


The little girl had given it a lot of thought, the mystery of death, that is. When she was younger she had attended her grandfather’s funeral, sitting next to her aunt in the front of the church. The atmosphere was different from anything else she had experienced in all her three year long life. She had experienced sadness before, but this time all the adults seemed different. She didn’t know how to respond " well, she never really knew how to respond. She observed her aunt as she was leaning forward, as if having a stomach ache, with tears streaming from her eyes. Sound and noises the little girl had previously only heard from little children or people with a severe cold. The little girl had experienced many colds and stomach aches, and she felt sorry for her aunt - she did not look comfortable. Sitting upright, a bit stiff, the little girl hesitantly reached towards her aunt’s trembling hand. Her aunt squeezed it gently and went into an even more advanced way of showing discomfort. Her body was shaking, she sounded like she couldn’t breathe. The little girl looked nervously about scanning the room for any reactions. Nothing. Okay, no need for alarm. The little girl believed in authority, she was quite willing to do her part, but she trusted in the judgement of adults. The little girl felt rather uncomfortable - more than usual, when confronted with awkward social situation in which she had not fully decoded the conventions of the specific scenario. She did not mean to be overly dramatic, but this was by far the most awkward situation she had ever encountered. As her aunt clutched her little hand, the little girl was unsure of what was expected of her. Hesitantly, she placed the other hand on top of her aunt’s. A bit tense, she peered from the corner of her eyes, unsure of the reaction. Her aunt looked down at her lovingly and gratefully. The little girl mechanically responded with a well intended, though indecisive smile.

 


Since then she had lived to see her grandmother follow suit. She remembered loving her as a little girl. Though for the past years her grandmother had been ill and said things that didn’t make sense. Even her parents said so. The little girl, though not willing to admit, found her grandmother a bit scary. She had finally learned to interact in social encounters without being met with that face. The face, in which the mouth slightly opened, the eyes opened wide, blankly staring at her for a few seconds. Then eventually they would shut their mouths, their eyes would flicker for a second while an almost invisible shiver travelled through their face before ending the conversation and moving on. This ritual had been a daily occurrence in her 5 year long life. She knew that it was because of her, but she did not exactly know why. Her grandmother was different. With others she had discovered a pattern or a semblance of one at least. Her grandmother acted differently. The little girl, for all her efforts in understanding the expectations of her in different social encounters, did not understand what was expected of her here. Her grandmother would say things that did not make sense; she would grab hold of the little girl and hug her. The little girl did not like being hugged, at least not by strangers. Her grandmother seemed strange, like a stranger.

 

When she died, the little girl’s mother cried. The little girl gave her mother a long hug, as she had observed was the thing to do. She did not go to such length every time someone cried. Though if not now that someone had died, she reckoned, then there would never be a good time to do so. She did it for her mother. She loved her mother. At first she was surprised, at her mother crying. Not because she had not seen it before. But her father had entered the room first, he was not crying. It was the little girl’s father who had lost his mother " and he didn’t cry... Should she hug her father as well? She loved her father too. Her father was not a man of many words and did not express himself in terms of any visible fluctuations in mood or feeling. Yet she always sensed some kind of sadness in him that she desperately wished she could protect him from. She was sad for her parents. She imagined that she would be very sad if any of them should die.

 

The little girl was curious to know, what death meant, not for the ones’ left behind, but for the people who died. Whenever she brought up such topics, people tended to agree that people go to a place called Heaven, when they die. God was usually an important addition to the creation of Heaven. Though now and again she would meet someone who did not know, what would happen or who would claim that there was more than one god. They were all reasonable adults that she respected as an authority, yet their statements about death and life - or creation as some would call it - were so contradictory. It occurred to the little girl that there were things that were not just a mystery to her. 


As it dawned on her that adults did not have the answer to such an important issue, she was overwhelmed by a sense of duty, a responsibility to figure out the answer to such a question.  While she made sure that she did her homework and met all her other obligations; such as talking to people, saying the right things, listen, playing well with other children, give comfort and being comforted by adults (should they deem it necessary);  she spent most of her time thinking. She would lie in her bed and just think about the worlds big questions, philosophize and sometimes dream. In between her social obligations and seeking an answer that was satisfactory to issues such as death and life, she was trying to solve another riddle. Sometimes she imagined herself to be a changeling. It was a quite reasonable hypothesis, she deemed. She felt strange and awkwardly out of place. While she knew her imagination was vivid and strong, she felt strongly about her being something different from other people. She did not believe in aliens " that was just silly! Only silly people would believe in that " and she was not silly! She knew that it was not very nice to think of others as silly, but privately she did judge such people - just a little bit. 

© 2015 Mai L Nissen


Author's Note

Mai L Nissen
Constructive criticism and suggestions are well received.

My Review

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Featured Review

this little girl is going to turn out all right :D very nice character development over such a small amount of words. i've never been able to successfully put my mind back to when i was a child... reading this i felt as though you had helped give the experience. such a refreshing piece. i hope to see the continuation soon!

"Her aunt still clinging to her hand, the little girl unsure what was expected of her, took her other little hand and carefully placed it on top of her aunt’s hand."

I have to pick on this sentence though, there should be a way to re-word it so that "hand" does not come up three times.

"The little girl was unsure of what was expected of her while her aunt held her hand, so she carefully sandwiched her aunts with her other in concern."

An awful example lol but I think you have the correct words within you. The idea is that you establish context to the hand, and let the reader carry that through to the end of the sentence. my example is awful because when i read your words my mind is drawn heavily to the clasping of the aunts hand with sweet little kid paws, while my wording is on the hand and what it's meaning for the little girl. my wording is not of a child's mind, does she even understand that her actions out of confusion, curiosity and intrigue show her concern? she's a sweet girl, but there are so many examples of people never realizing that they are kind until they are older and discover their own identity. the fact that she does what she thinks she is supposed to do tells me that she has not yet found herself.

yes yes a challenging sentence for me to try and help with, i just think it could be restructured to make better use of it's words. i hope this was more constructive than criticism :) a fabulous read!

Cheers!

Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Sameer

9 Years Ago

After reading this I know the little girl very well... Touching and moving..
Mai L Nissen

9 Years Ago

Thank you Sameer!
And Thank you for your help, Gorillarock :)
gorillarock

9 Years Ago

my pleasure!



Reviews

I really like seeing the original version of the story... the progress seen in the new version is real and quite evident. I love the interesting questions raised here and the open ended conclusion. Nice write!

Posted 8 Years Ago


Mai L Nissen

8 Years Ago

Thank you, Jeff. I'm glad that the revision made sense :) Your comments are always appreciated
a clever little girl. As with the first part, it reminds of my childhood except that I wasn't that clever or determined to find the answers of such ambiguous questions.
The character you are developing bit by bit it very keen and observant, she notices things, thinks about them and wants answers to all her questions. She is curious and ready to solve the riddles that life presents before her.
The ending is remarkable. The way you made her a bit judgmental, "a little bit" since its a part of human nature is very clever.
Great write. I hope you develop the work into a complete book. I like the insight you are providing with your work :)
Keep writing ..

Posted 8 Years Ago


Mai L Nissen

8 Years Ago

Thank you for your wonderful review, Nazia :) I used to spend a lot of time thinking when I was a ch.. read more
nazia

8 Years Ago

That's probably because you are nurturing her with your intelligence :D
It's very brilliantly written, the description of the child's mind is so clear and expressive that it takes you down to that nostalgic lane. It's always surprising to know how children perceive things, because they are like first born in the world. Although, they see many people around but the experiences doesn't come handy. Beautiful.

Posted 8 Years Ago


Mai L Nissen

8 Years Ago

Thank you for taking the time to read and share your thoughts, Mayank! It is much appreciated :)
I loved how you opened this one Mai. Very clever.

"she had not fully decoded the conventions of the specific scenario.." - gotta love how the child thinks - brilliant!

I really love this little character - she has an old head on her young shoulders and yet she also has the innocence and naivety of the child - a complex little girl indeed but so adorable.

Thanks for the RR - I really enjoyed this, Mai
:))


check the fourth line in the first paragraph re: respond - is there a repeated line that should have been deleted?

Posted 8 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

ANTO

8 Years Ago

Lmao - Mai !!
What kind of language is that for a lad read more
ANTO

8 Years Ago

Hey that read more glitch could let us away with murder with half finished words and sentences - how.. read more
Mai L Nissen

8 Years Ago

Last time I checked, I wasn't a lad... :) Really are you going to keep up the 'read more' s**t?! :p
A well written story dear poet.
"In between her social obligations and seeking an answer that was satisfactory to issues such as death and life, she was trying to solve another riddle."
Old age teaches us death is part of life. Being young we must grasp. One day, all we hold precious will be gone. I enjoyed the thoughts and the situations you create. Thank you for sharing the excellent story.
Coyote

Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Mai L Nissen

8 Years Ago

Thank you for sharing your thoughts, Coyote! I am glad that you enjoyed it :)
Coyote Poetry

8 Years Ago

You are welcome.
What a fabulous piece, you my friend have the imagery dancing and the emotions
following there lead, the part about God was very heart felt and most certainly
pulled my heart strings, l always enjoy reading your work, thanks for sharing and b-blessed!

Posted 9 Years Ago


Mai L Nissen

9 Years Ago

Thank you, JT! I appreciate your words, glad you like it :) I am trying to find a way to improve it,.. read more
I really like this. It's a wonderful story. I enjoyed it.. :)


Posted 9 Years Ago


Mai L Nissen

9 Years Ago

Thank you for reading and sharing your thoughts, glad you liked it :)
this little girl is going to turn out all right :D very nice character development over such a small amount of words. i've never been able to successfully put my mind back to when i was a child... reading this i felt as though you had helped give the experience. such a refreshing piece. i hope to see the continuation soon!

"Her aunt still clinging to her hand, the little girl unsure what was expected of her, took her other little hand and carefully placed it on top of her aunt’s hand."

I have to pick on this sentence though, there should be a way to re-word it so that "hand" does not come up three times.

"The little girl was unsure of what was expected of her while her aunt held her hand, so she carefully sandwiched her aunts with her other in concern."

An awful example lol but I think you have the correct words within you. The idea is that you establish context to the hand, and let the reader carry that through to the end of the sentence. my example is awful because when i read your words my mind is drawn heavily to the clasping of the aunts hand with sweet little kid paws, while my wording is on the hand and what it's meaning for the little girl. my wording is not of a child's mind, does she even understand that her actions out of confusion, curiosity and intrigue show her concern? she's a sweet girl, but there are so many examples of people never realizing that they are kind until they are older and discover their own identity. the fact that she does what she thinks she is supposed to do tells me that she has not yet found herself.

yes yes a challenging sentence for me to try and help with, i just think it could be restructured to make better use of it's words. i hope this was more constructive than criticism :) a fabulous read!

Cheers!

Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Sameer

9 Years Ago

After reading this I know the little girl very well... Touching and moving..
Mai L Nissen

9 Years Ago

Thank you Sameer!
And Thank you for your help, Gorillarock :)
gorillarock

9 Years Ago

my pleasure!

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Added on March 6, 2015
Last Updated on August 19, 2015
Tags: #death, #smile, #changeling, #short story, #imagination, God, #heaven

Author

Mai L Nissen
Mai L Nissen

Odense, Region Syddanmark, Denmark



About
I am 30 years old, a graduate student from Denmark, studying English (literature, history, linguistics) and Scientific Study of Religion. If you wish to befriend me, I would like you to read some .. more..

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Murky Murky

A Poem by Mai L Nissen



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