Houses and Homes

Houses and Homes

A Story by Ree
"

- short and unnecessary summary of this year and houses and homes affected it

"

Hollow feelings of an overwhelming magnitude take over by mind. I am ready for home. Home is what i want to talk to everyone about today. Home can be defined as many things. A place in which you reside, a place in which your heart belongs, or simply the place where you grew up. Either way, we all know what a home is. It's what you choose to define it as that makes it grow into itself.

The thing with home is that is comes with all these connections. All these wires that are intertwined with your past and the memories that you may or may not want to forget. As the school year is coming to an end, I am reminiscing on the place that I would never call a home, but merely a house where i opted to live in for 8 months. There are a few reasons why i would not call it a home:

1) The people i lived with

2) the memories

3) the scars

Lets start with number one. This year has been the most difficult year of my life. I can say that with absolute confidence. The people i lived with have taken it upon themselves to wrap each other in webs of gossip and sickening humour that revolves itself around me. When i am not home, they gossip. When i dont want to go out with them, they gossip. They make me feel as if I do not deserve or belong in this house. If there is one thing i learned from them, it is that no matter what is said about someone, a little, some, or all of it will get back to the person you were talking about. It's never ok to demean someone based on trivial little things and I have learned from them. I have learned. 

2) The memories of this house are not necessarily nightmares but they are things i dont want to remember. Even as i am approaching the house, I feel sick to my stomach. I do not want to enter it for fear of having to face an extremely awkward conversation with one of my roommates. The memories I have of are me crying as quietly as possible in my bed while i wondered how it was possible to remove myself from this situation. At one point i called my parents and begged for them to come and get me. I do not regret calling and i do not regret staying. I regret not having a say in how they made me feel. I will never forget what it's like to live here and I am so grateful that I have found the most amazing people to live with next year. If some day any of them come across this, I hope they know how wonderful and loving they have been towards me. I have grown because of you. 

3) Thirdly, i have these scars. Scars of pain and so much unhappiness. You can't blame them all at once for the gossip. In fact, you cant even blame them. It's a vicious circle and once you're in it, it is so hard to get out of it. I can't keep these bitter memories, but i will always have scars. And that's apart of living. Some people will make you feel as if you belong in this world. At one point in the year one of them came up to me because she noticed how withdrawn I was for everything and said "How would it make us feel if anything was to happen to you?"- These words will forever be in my head. Selfishness is inevitable. As human beings, we are always going to be selfish to an extent. But that statement, that was what hurt. The separation between "You" and "Us". Knowing that the lines had been made and if anything happened to me, i was jeopardizing their happiness. What happened to me wasn't as critical as the way it would make them feel. I wont ever forget that. It's a scar, and it's there forever. 

So my friends, kindness is a blessing. Use it to your full advantage. Every one you meet has scars and it's not up to you to see them. It's up to you to work hard and be kind to people. Everyone you meet is fighting their heart out for something. Kindness will help them carry their way through. 

-M2

© 2012 Ree


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Ree
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Added on April 2, 2012
Last Updated on April 2, 2012
Tags: roommates, depression, thought, blog

Author

Ree
Ree

Canada



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