Are you still alive

remember to read from a safe distance and don't yell at your mom . thanks

Chapter one : Are you still alive

Mr. Davis Goodman was a friend of Mr. David Goodwin ,who's a good buddy of Mr. Dave Goodson .our hero is David Goodman ,but we're going to talk about Dave Goodson for now . Wanna know why we're talking about David Goodwin? because I like him .you know why? He doesn't care about anything. He saw a UFO coming out of Obama's mouth ,and he doesn't care . He got raped repeatedly by metrosexual fairies ,and yet he doesn't care. His uncle felt him up when he was a little kid ,and again he doesn't care. All he care about is finding a way to close his zipper without cutting more space from his huge balls. Seriously it happens more than you think.

He's an apartment man and a writer in some celebrity magazine. I'll tell you the name of the firm when I choose one. He was lying on the roof of his building gazing at the sun, Burning his eyes and getting sweaty for no reason.

He asked himself ,'' what the hell am I doing here ?''

So , he left and went outside . This day is his day off work ,so what better than to spend it with his close friend Johnny.

He texted Johnny with his phone ,'' let's take some heroin ,so don't bring Miss USA with you ,and meet me where we found the naked dead guy who said he saw the devil. You know ,the one with the Justin Bieber's face tattooed on his a*s '' .

David was thought ,''me and Johnny .we served one year in the army ,and Johnny liked the code talk . I didn't want to talk like that at first ,but he insisted ,so I caved . now I am stuck .I have to remember what means what. I am already stuck trying to remember my mother's birthday ,and her home address . With this code talk. it's too much but he's an old pal. I knew him since we were two pieces of sperm. You gusset it . we have the same dad ,but not the same mom. My mom is sharing her a*s with that guy Jimmie while his mom is dead. Lucky b*****d! ''

By the way ,about the code they used. It basically means '' let's take some drinks so don't bring your wife and meet me in the Crystal eye '' the Crystal eye is a bar .not a big one but it has it shares of good drinks and the reason David like this bar is the drinks that doesn't contain alcohol. Or because he saw a straight man kissing another straight man ,and that was funny because the two men drank too much so they thought they're each others dates. They kept kissing while the dates went outside. God ! I hope they didn't wake up next to each other in the morning.

Reviews

[Bear]

Critique: You have the same timeline problem here as the prolog, you often have past and present tense in the same sentence.
(He got raped repeatedly by metrosexual fairies , he doesn't care) got is past tense and doesn't is present tense "(He was raped repeatedly by metrosexual fairies and he doesn't care) I add the word and as an identifier.
(He saw a UFO coming out of Obama's mouth he doesn't care) you need a defining word explaining the "he doesn't care" such as "He saw a UFO coming out of Obama's mouth but he doesn't care"
(His uncle felt him when he was a little kid) again here a defining word is needed to give the sentence meaning, did you mean "His uncle felt him up when he was a little kid"? That would make sense.
(He's an apartment man) what does "an apartment man" mean?
(He was lying on the floor of his building's roof) A roof has no floor so you can just say "he was lying on the roof of his building".
(This day is his day off work so what better not to spend it with his close friend johnny.) this sentence is worded awkward "This being his day off from work so what better than spend it with his close friend Johnny" Johnny is a personal name and should be capitalised.
(You know the one with the face of Justin Bieber tattooed in his a*s) on his a*s
(''me and Johnny we served one year in the army and johnny liked the code talk) the first word Me should be in caps as should Johnny be in caps.
(I knew him since we were two prices of sperm) two prices? not sure what you mean
(You gusset it) are you sure gusset which means "a small, triangular piece of material inserted into a shirt, shoe, etc., to improve the fit or for reinforcement" is the word you wanted to use?
(It basically means '' let's take some drinks so don't bring your wife and meet me in the crystal eye") Let's get drunk so don't bring your wife"

Review: The humor continues, this style has become popular and has made a niche with publishers so your creativity could have published someday. I think people are really going to like your imaginative way of telling stories and find you entertaining. Well done my new friend. Clap! Clap! Clap!

I didn't offer an edit critique rewrite this time because you will learn more this way, you know how to contact me if you have questions :~)

[MohamedBencharef]

true man . I didn't notice that .
thanks again for making me see that

[MohamedBencharef]

an apartment man is someone who likes apartments, not houses .

[MohamedBencharef]

two prices hhhh.I meant pieces