God is a hamster

God is a hamster

A Story by Ethan Jobalia

But does it really matter?


Well why not? There is a god and this god made the universe. That much is definitive. Whether this god is a sentient being or a dead icon as Neitzche put it or whether this god is not a being at all but a set of rules and a point in time, this god existed. We are here and that is undeniable. Even if we are not here, and even if I am living this simulation and no one else is real, if you are living this simulation and no one else is real, this is real. That is all that matters. The experience is all that matters. So therefore, I think therefore I am. Enough with that “Therefore I doubt” bullshit. Who cares about that part? He is dead, and no one cares anyway, so he never said that. I think therefore I am. Nelson Mandela died in prison. The Berenstein Bears. Who cares. All it is is memory anyway.

Where was I? God. God is a hamster. I am god. Maybe I should slow down a bit. You are real. We have established that much. I am real. We have established that much. At least one of us is real. That much is obvious. Nothing else is real. Is this a selfish view of the world? Probably. But really, who cares? Nothing is real ergo nothing matters ergo selfish is a redundant word. I only care about myself but also I am all there is. So okay here we go. God is a hamster. Why? Because I said so. In the absence of an answer we will make our own answer. That is true. Why? Because I said so. With spite. Pure spite. I exist and that is spiteful. OKAY… back on track. God is a Hamster.

Why did I capitalize Hamster? The same reason you capitalize god. Not like there. Normally you would capitalize the word god. Hmm… god. god. Why can I not capitalize god? Maybe it’s because I don’t care. There is no heaven or hell. Only blackness. There is, however, a god and he is a hamster.

Why a Hamster? If you have not already guessed by now through the arbitrariness of my tone, (arbitrity? Arbitrarity??) there is no reason. Hamster was the first thing to pop into my head. (wonder why that was…) So therefore I declare it on this day that god God god God is a Hamster.

Does it? No. Never. Always. Maybe. But if only for if only I knew, I could only slow myself to time and grace but never again shall I live my birth and I shall only live with my uncle sam who fought in world war two and world war one and the seven years war but he never said to me how I shall eat my fries and toes but he never said to me how I shall eat my fries and toes but he never said to me… (seems like I’m stuck on a bit of a loop. Here are some arbitrary letters. Arbitrary.)

AUHFSIDHF? oheoihSIDfhsdfb oejhfoahflhlfhsld fosdnfo dsofsfns psdfo osjdnf osof sjobdofj sodfnsodnf ospndf onsodf. OHadfioi PFNos fdfnosndfoj nONdojnfONfdofnO NDfon . ONGondI fnOINDFoNDFOn Nopn OPnO NfoN oNOFDnoNF oNOf nF. JDNFoND FOnODFNo NOSDfo nOFKn ksdnf lNLn LKDNfkSNDFOWONQ{ONEPWNDP NSDLMVNL. OJNDFokxndsovknIEFo nON (ojndfosdof OfnoNDFOnOn ) ojsndfijn OJNfoJNDOFnOJFNo JNFOKnO N (DFonodfoO f) jNDFijnOKFNDkJLNA FONLFNLDFNKSnfd jsndfjNSKJfdnSKJDNFOSDfpskdfnp.

Thank you? You’re welcome.

© 2020 Ethan Jobalia

Author's Note

Ethan Jobalia
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Added on October 16, 2020
Last Updated on October 16, 2020
Tags: Philosophical, Arbitrary, Ending, Beginning, God, Hamster, Question, Meaning of Life


Ethan Jobalia
Ethan Jobalia


A new writer just looking to improve my work more..

Chapter 1 Chapter 1

A Chapter by Ethan Jobalia