Raindrops

I wrote this as a freshman, It's sad. It came to me in a dream.

Like raindrops on cement,
Her tears fall
To be soaked up
by the stone.
Today was his birthday
sadly hes not
getting any older
He cant celebrate
Cant party
cant do anything
She wishes he was here
He would take away her tears
But hes not
She continues to cry as
She puts the flowers in place.
Suddenly she hears her name,
called softly.
She turns around
To find him
Standing there
Bright as day.
He says"Dont cry."
and holds her till
she wakes
from her sleep.
To find its all
A dream,to find
his spot next to her
........Empty.
In his spot
he left flowers
again the tears
begin
to
fall.....

Author's Note

Ignore the grammar please, I wrote it a a freshman in high school about 5 years ago.

Reviews

[annabellee]

I thought this was a lovely poem, very sad indeed, it touched me. Enjoyed reading it :)

[Andrew Geary]

I would suggest changing the title to "Like raindrops on the cement" so the title is more interesting as well as acting as an active first line. But to be honest, I don't really get a whole lot out of this. It might be because there are a number of cliches here, such as the idea of tears falling like raindrops and the empty bedside, and "Bright as day." To make this more interesting you might want to start at "Today was his birthday" and maybe making the end more ambiguous as to whether the whole thing is a dream or not. I good line to end on might be "he left flowers".