Unlikely Pairs

Unlikely Pairs

A Story by muggyMizu

Two best friends before a food challenge.


“This is it. Today’s the day I follow through with this sinfully grotesque, decadent pursuit. It’s been a long time coming, really. Alright, here goes- wait, I need to condition my mental faculties first.”

“Jesus Christ! Your ‘mental faculties’ have been all over this for the better part of this month. Jam it in your mouth, bite, swallow, and repeat until you either keel over or unload all over yourself. Either way, this is disgusting. Get on with it already.”

Circumstance can sometimes produce bizarre, unexpected results. You see, some things really, probably shouldn’t be; no amount of will and no manner of action should grant 7 lbs. of food access to an individual of 130lbs and 5 ft 6 inches in stature. Definitely not in one sitting at least. But then again, the world, more often than I’d expect, doesn’t make sense.

“Hold on a second. I’m consolidating my being. I need to be all in this before I-hey what the heck!”

Jimenez snatches the timer in frustration and maybe-although he wouldn't admit it- with a tinge of eager anticipation.

“ Listen, Mickey. Now’s not the time to be so… you. I get it, you’ve been looking forward to ‘slaying’ this since we arrived and you don’t wanna lose out on 10,000 yen, but s**t needs to happen. Pronto. This isn’t one of your tantric jerk off experiments, after all. We got places to be and things to do- not to mention this is embarrassing and people are queued up outside as it is. So don’t be an a*****e and get to work- or I’ll get things started myself.”

“Alright, fine! Give me that. This one’s for all of you. You know who you are.” An air of self-righteousness and conviction swells around him.

Michael snatches the timer and positions his finger delicately over the button that will set in motion 45 minutes of savage consumption.

It’s okay, though. He’ll do it for all those who can’t eat- for all those who won’t. Fuuuck… What a god.damn. HERO. Kids in Sao Paulho, no, better yet- all over Africa- will undoubtedly benefit from the ripple effects of his almighty gesture. Each bite, a cosmic remedy echoing through the atmosphere, reaching the souls of the intended with guided purpose and precision, ultimately producing convulsions compelling enough to make TV Evangelists jealous. The aftermath; a population of grateful, satiated little African boys and girls. Hell- even the flies who call their bellies home might take to the skies and, in perfectly choreographed movements, come together and dance the letters “Thank you, Mickey” into existence. Such is the extent of Mickey’s intentions. What a curious guy, for sure. But I digress.

“You know what, Jimbo? Your language betrays your intelligence, my friend. So tone it down a bit, will you? Also, stop being a dick and show some support.”

© 2016 muggyMizu

Author's Note

Any feedback is welcome. First piece I've written.

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Added on June 19, 2016
Last Updated on June 19, 2016
Tags: lighthearted, humor




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