The Warrior and The Healer

The Warrior and The Healer

A Story by Marmar
"

A wanderer sits and listens to a story about the life of a female mercenary.

"

 Two children who were not children stood in front of the wanderer cloaked in robes of the forest. Both, neither male nor female with eyes of gold and hair of palest purple. The one on the right said, “O wanderer, have you heard the tale?” The wanderer wondered if he should amuse them, but then thought that if he did not, they would surely prove to be a nuisance so he said, “What tale?” The one on the left said, “Of the maiden, once fair, but then cloaked in armor who allowed death to claim her for the sake of a man?” The wanderer gave a wry smile and said, “No, I can’t say that I have.” The one on the right said, “Then sit and listen to this tale of deepest woe.” And they began to tell him of this woman.

      Before she was a woman, she was a maiden. In those days, there was no one fairer. Though, but a child, she could charm even our people. Though she was not like other mortals and chose to spend her days dancing and frolicking with those of the forest. It was here that she learned the old ways and it came to pass that on one such day, betrayal had ripped through her kin. Her clan, once great and noble, was slaughtered in an instant for misguided trust. And so, the child, once pure of heart, was filled with a thirst for vengeance. After witnessing such carnage, she fled into the forest.

       It was there that those that dwell in the forest taught her the ways of sword and war and it came to pass that by the tender age of fourteen, she had come upon the ability to single handily slay an entire army, but even so, she still had not the ability to achieve her vendetta. So she sought other warriors, much the same as her and by nineteen she had become the leader of the most feared mercenaries. For sir, I am sure you have heard of the infamous White Fang Mercenaries. At the wanderer’s nod they continued their tale.

      Now this woman, strange as it is, loved a man. They had met in the forest, but unlike her. this man had chosen to forsake blood and war and had instead embarked on the path of a healer. They met in the forest. The maiden had fallen injured from battle and the man, in his kindness, had nursed her back to health. When she awoke, the woman asked, “Why is it that you have saved me?” But the man only smiled and said, “What human would I be if I had not saved you when it is within my ability to do so.” And so the days passed and as they passed, the woman grew to care for this man who was more human than she could ever hope to be. And, in turn, the man grew to love the woman with scars on her body and eyes of such sadness, the likes of which, he had never seen.

     Then came the day that the woman had been nearly healed. Only a few more days and she would return to her men. The man could see it in her eyes and so they began to speak to each other more and more for fear of what the future would bring. It was on this final night before the woman would leave that the two chose to lay with each other. She was a virgin. So was he.

      When dawn came, she did not leave as planned, but waited for him to awake and when he had awoken she said, “I must leave, but I swear to you that I will return again.”And so the woman returned to her men and the man returned to his patients, but both kept that promise in their hearts.

      After assuring her men of her safety and strength, she told them that a man had saved her and that for this favor, him and his village would have their protection. Everyone agreed to her declaration, for they followed her out of choice rather than necessity. And so that man’s village became a refuge for the warriors who had before only known hate by mankind. When they would return from a job, the woman would see the man and he would await her and soon it was clear to all what lied in their hearts. And so days, months, and then years passed by. Most were fine with this turn of events, but among her men existed one who coveted her for himself.

      Once by chance, this man heard of her vendetta while the woman was speaking in the dead of the night. And so he plotted. He thought that if these people who hold the woman’s scorn were to slaughter the village, she would surely return to the warrior he knew her as. So, at nightfall, he made his way to the clan who held her disdain and told them of the woman they had left behind and of the village that she protects.

       It would be at the break of dawn that they would strike. At first, all that was heard or seen was a flame, but then came the screams. No matter how strong the woman, she still was not strong enough to face these men, but she fought. In vain, but, still she fought. They say, that on this night she was like a demoness, slaughtering all who came at her in naught, but a night-shift. Soon her men began to fall. And in the midst of it, she saw her love stricken down and in her grief, charged like a banshee towards the cause of her woes, only to be stricken down like a dog. And so they lay, the village, the mercenaries and the man and woman who felt a love so deep that, in the end, she chose to die with him rather than to seek vengeance.

         At the end of this tale, the wanderer said, “Why have you told me this tale?” And the two smiled 
and said, “Because sir, you are the child of the union of these two souls.”                          

© 2015 Marmar


Author's Note

Marmar
This is my first attempt at a short story like this so an honest review would be appreciated.

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Reviews

Hello Marmar,

Thanks for entering the competition. Alas not a winner this time. I do not have the time to provide a detailed critique on all the submissions, but a few remarks:
- this is too much of a genre story, the competition is intended for general fiction (as I have stated in the contest description)
- had not the ability to achieve her vendetta -> ability = opportunity?
- this writing has the story within a story construction, but in both there is a lack of realistic and lively charcaters. As a reader I do not come to know any character here and therefore it is hard to relate to any one of them, and alas to be interested in the events that follow. You have a chance to do this by delaying your substory a bit and to build it up using more dialogue.

Regards,

Sesame

@followsesame on Twitter

www.themagiccave.com


Posted 4 Years Ago


I'm not one to flatter, but if this really is your first attempt I'd say well-done. You have a good voice, it hooks a reader. I'd say strengthen it through writing more and growing in yourself. Also, take this story and play with viewpoints, not sure if you did. Although it's very well told I feel like it could be more powerful. Please feel free to read and critique my first attempt, The Empty House. I don't consider myself a writer, yet. I'm still learning the craft, but from what I've studied so far I'd say you're well on your way! Nice plot twist near the end, a surprise the reader appreciates. I do feel that maybe going into the mind of the woman in third person once the tale is expressed by the two children who aren't children (I like that) then let us see what the woman sees, how she feels and thinks, only brief words and images. You can still pull out of the story for that moment of deceit and jump right back into the betrayal - more emotionally powerful if it's seen directly through the scorned woman's eyes!

Otherwise, great job!

Posted 4 Years Ago



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2 Reviews
Added on September 2, 2015
Last Updated on September 2, 2015
Tags: fiction, romance, tragedy, historical

Author

Marmar
Marmar

Los Angeles, CA



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