Drugs are Scary Monsters with Sharp Claws

This is actually an email that I wrote to a close friend several years ago. All the names have been changed to protect the privacy of the people in the story.

When Lucy headed home and Hayley to her volleyball game, I stayed with Ben and Christina. Christina lied on his lap and flirted with him; she would stroke his hair or gently slide her hand under his shirt. Honestly, it looked a little scary cause she had a manicure with bright silver nails two inches long that were sharpened at the end. I kept thinking how easy it was for her to cut Ben. Lol I'm so weird.

I'm telling you all this because of what happened next. Christina's and Ben's friends came (I don't know them) and this girl gave Christina what looked like small candy in a shiny wrapper. I saw her put it on her tongue and scream with delight and the girl said "Have fun, Christina" and laughed and so did Ben. I slowly realized that that was most probably not candy; it was acid. Christina's eyes got all big and shiny. I got so scared, Natalie. So scared I almost started crying.

This group of friends, this awesome squad, is where I felt safe and thought that I would never see anything but weed. It was where I could put drugs and people on drugs far behind me and never remember again. I made sure that the only time I ever thought about drugs was at Jack’s grave. And suddenly, there I was sitting, with teenagers putting acid into their mouths. I saw that spark in their eyes that I haven't seen for six months.

I jumped off of some guy's lap that I was sitting on and mumbled that I had to go to Lucy, who lived nearby. It was already dark so I texted mom I was at the movies and ran to Lucy's place trying really hard not to cry. Running made crying impossible because I was constantly out of breath.

I finally got to Lucy’s place and cried there for a little bit after I told her what just happened. She understood that I'm not overreacting because Jennifer, her sister, is doing crystal meth and several times already Lucy called me, crying because Jenny hasn't been home for weeks and they don't even know if she's still alive. We hugged and whispered wrapped in blankets on her bed. We whispered about crushes and school, we didn’t talk about drugs or her sister or Jack. It would have been too painful, too damn painful. Soon it was time for me to go back to the Highlands so mom could pick me up from "the movies".

I'm terrified, Natalie. It's as if for six months, since Jack’s death, I have been putting thick comforters on me to protect myself from the world of drugs and the only one I would let into my little warm shelter was Lucy because she's going through the same s**t I once did. And yesterday, at the Highlands, it's as if all those blankets were ripped off and all the cold air rushed into me and left me breathless and frozen. All I could do was run to Lucy and together we once again buried ourselves under piles of blankets (literally) until we were warm again and drugs, the scary monsters with sharp claws and merciless eyes, couldn't find us.

What now? How can I be friends with Christina again? Or Ben? He didn't take any acid, but he didn't stop Christina, either.

I hate drugs. I hate them I hate them I hate them. They either make friends into strangers or take away people entirely. I've been crying uncontrollably all of yesterday night and suddenly burst out into tears, at least, four times today. I want my comforters back. I'm cold. I'm naked. I'm terrified.

I just want my comforters back.

How can life be doing this to me? How can it be taking all these things away from me? How could it take away Jack? How could it steal and hide Jennifer? How could it take away the trust it took so long for me to build with my friends? How could it take away my comforters, my shelter?

I just want my comforters back.

The thing is, I don't deserve this. I've done s****y things, but who hasn't? I've made people happy, Natalie, I've been trying my best my whole life to make my friends, my family, always smiling, always feeling like they were special. I don't deserve to get my comforters taken away. And Lucy? Lucy has been nothing but friendly and honest to all the people around her. Lucy. Fluffy hair, big glasses, braces, smooth hands, big brown eyes. What did she do to have her sister be turned into a drug addict? What did she do to have Jennifer look at her and say "You're the reason I want to kill myself, Lucy." What did Lucy DO?

I just want my comforters back.

Love love love,

Alaska

© 2016 SomnambularSublunar

Author's Note

Please ignore the grammar and some parts with poor phrasing; I simply copied and pasted an email that I wrote a very long time ago. I don't know why it just seemed something I wanted to share.

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Reviews

Teresa Elde

I really liked this, I think the fact that this was written without the intention of it being available for everyone to read really made it emotionally raw, I am sorry you ever experienced this, but the words you use show a brilliance in simplification of complex matters. I hope you realize that and go far in life.