If you love yourself

“If you love yourself, in a proportionally and fair way, people around you will love you, too.” He says.

“Is that why everyone likes you so much?” I ask, smiling. He grins back and I see that his fake tooth is a little different from his real ones.

“Oh, ya. I think I’m a quite a catch.”

I laugh as he starts playing with his retainer, clicking the fake tooth in and out.

“Ew, stop!” I squeal and we both laugh.

 

Love myself…gotta learn to love myself, in a proportional and fair way, I think as I stand in front of the mirror. Slowly, I take off my sweater. On the inside of my wrist, there are a couple scars. I’m still not sure if I hate these reminders of self-harm, or if I’m grateful for what they taught me. Probably both. After a couple seconds, I take off my shirt. Even though I’m wearing a push-up bra, you can still easily see that I have small b***s. Unfortunately, most high school boys aren’t into small b***s. However, I tell myself, that is one nice skinny waist and those are pretty distinct abs. I step out of the sweatpants and look at the cherry red panties with white lace. The panties are absolutely adorable, but no a*s, no matter how much I arch my back. I’m a*s-less! First, that makes me frown, but then I look at my long tan legs and the thigh gap that so many girls wish for. I should be grateful for that, I think. On the other hand, I’ve had so many crushes on girls who didn’t have a thigh gap, who didn’t have skinny waists. It makes me so sad, it even frustrates me, when people hate their bodies. If I could, I would go around and tell every insecure boy and girl out there how beautiful they are. I know I would be sincere, no matter who it was.

Maybe I should stop hating my skinniness and wincing every time I stretch and my ribs protrude.

I go out into the living room and connect my phone to the speakers and turn on the music. At first I shiver (when you’re skin and bones staying warm is quite difficult. But that means lots of guys and girls giving you their coats and jackets), but soon I start reviewing all my dances and all the shivering stops. I never knew that dancing with no clothes on is actually so fun. I pretend that around me is the rest of the dance team as I go through the moves, counting out loud and laughing every time I mess up. My cat sits on the couch watching me, her eyes full of shock and concern. She doesn’t understand that this is a very serious self-healing process.

 

Love yourself, for your own sake.

Lots and lots of kisses,

Laska