My Life Story Part 6

My Life Story Part 6

A Story by Nicaushio Yamaki

My Life Story

Part 6

The closer I get to things, the farther away I become. For the sake of my disobedience

When I had been forgiven for many times. As I pray to GOD for a new life, I also prayer to meet new

People into my life like more than ever.

 

I slip away to only find my soul in damnation, nevertheless I miss the

old good times that I once had. The new beginning has just began, as the years of

this life grows longer, so I shall as long as I live on this earth.

 

For right now, it’s time for me to make my move towards my dreams in life.

And never again will I have to be isolated away from life, in addition in all of

the things there in to achieve to begin anew

 

Once again I am taking back all and to find all that has been lost

And forgotten once again.

 

 

 

Chapter 43

Isolated

 

           Hello ladies and gentleman, once again I want to thank all of you for reading my series. It has been a hug support for me. So far in my previous stories, I explained about only mainly just about my relationship problems. Well, this time getting that stuff out of the way, time for a new story.  I posted a youtube.com video of myself explaining about me writing a chapter per day. I will be starting school soon and my summer vacation is starting to be over with, yet only a matter of time. So anyway, I hope you all enjoy this new story and let us all get started shall we?

 

            So far after this week it has been for me. I was on the computer one day enjoying a game walk through called Dead Space 2; it’s a really good game, well especially watching others play it actually ha-ha. Otherwise with me playing it may be a total different story for me. While I was watching it, I looked at my alarm clock; it was time for me to go to bed.  So I turned off the computer and went to bed, of course I sometimes play with my PSP in bed before I go to sleep. The next day, when I logged on to my computer; the internet somehow went off due to the storm. It was raining outside and the weather was getting bad. So about 2 days later, the internet began to not act right. I had to wait in about 2 hours or so for it to come back on.  The next day, was the day that I started to have suspicions about the internet connection. Yesterday I had to wait from 3 to 6 hours for the internet to come back online, by the time it came back online, it was right round 7: 03 PM. I was kind of disappointed to say the least, I asked my mother about what was going on with the internet; she claims that she did not know what was going on. The only thing she was so upset about is another missing bucket of ice cream, which is bizarre even for me. I sat in my room and waited forever for the internet to come back online. I sure hope that this problem does not interrupt me when I am doing my school work, at lease I hope not. Last night I was up on the computer, trying to talk to Sarah; I got off my computer and talked to her on my PSP about her and her boyfriend Erick. She’s so obsessed with him that it’s so ridiculous; it sometimes gets on my nerves every time she keeps talking about him. The ironic thing is when I ask her questions to make sure I was clarified on everything, she gets to the point where she has an attitude such as “Sighs good grieve I already told you!!” kind of way. While I was talking to her from my PSP, the internet suddenly went off expectantly. So I waited for a while, and I notice that my mother was up walking around. So around 6:45 AM this morning, I notice that right now that no one if ready for church. Usually they would get up around 6PM that time to be up, but it’s ridiculous though. Recently, my mum has been acting strange due to the attorney stuff. I have no idea way it’s so important, but I just did not understand as much as she peaches to people on the phone about GOD’s word, why want she just taking the effort and the disappointments of things and just pray about it instead of fussing with everyone on the phone about it, and secondly, she was arguing with her Father about the car and about which parts that needed to be fixed. Since then she has not been herself lately, currently, I stayed away from my mum. Because the way that she acts, I do not want it to rub off on me even though it has no effect on me. Whenever I do something stupid she takes out on me and fusses at me and she keeps going on about  “See you’re being disobedient and you should never leave things in the microwave and then go somewhere else,” sort of thing, the other time I called on my mum’s other cell phone which is a prepaid phone. I first called my art teacher, I love to keep contact with her and she’s a really nice art teacher. I talked to her about what has been going on so far, and she began to tell me that a lot of students in her class were registering for his and her classes earlier online. At first when my art instructor told me this, I had no idea that you could do that at all. So that goes to show you, you learn something new every day. Due to the internet being on and off lately, I do not know if my mum unplugged the chord from the wireless router, or the wireless router been acting up.  I do not understand what’s going on with the wireless connection here; however, I am only going to write a chapter per day or whenever I get a chance to.  Considering that I may have a job by the time school starts and everything. I am not sure if I will be able to finish this story, but I will do my best to do so whenever I have time to. As of right now, I hope that the internet comes back on. The other day I was listening to it, while reading my Bible, and suddenly I looked and the internet was disconnected. So on the internet has been acting strange ever since then, as far as I can remember since the thunderstorm knocked out the power a little bit, but other than that it has been acting weird. I had a suspicion that my mother could have something to do with it, I asked her twice and she said that she did not know what was going on with the internet. In addition, it could be the service provider. Consequently, that’s all I know about this as of right now. The other day, I want out for a walk outside to get out of the house, when I go back my mother comes in talking about the olive oil grease that I used to cook with. She told me the next time it comes up miss or gone it was coming out of my allowance. Needless to say, I do not think so and not going to happen. So after that she asked me what was I doing and I told her that I just went out for some fresh air, she acted as though she didn’t know what I was talking about. Now understand this, if someone asked you what were you doing, and you just got back in from going outside to get some fresh air, what do you think I am talking about when I say that? You’re absolutely correct coming back in from outside. You see the thing is, I went outside, and walked around the neighborhood. And so she walked in on my mother walked in on me only to want to know what I was doing, and to get onto me about the grease that I used to cook something with.  Meanwhile, since the internet is going to continue like this, it’s like every time I go or at home, I feel cut out from the outside world with no communication no nothing. At this point, I may have to consider getting an apartment somewhere near my school.  I am not so sure how long I can take this torture, it has been something else just sitting here dealing with my mother’s attitude. And the problem with her and Joe, about Friday this week, when I just got inside my mother was talking to my sister about taking me to the Hardees fast food restaurant to get an application, but before all of this happened, she told me suddenly that, I have to get out to see the people that I am searching for online for a job and not just online. I asked her from the beginning that, I asked her that we should get out of the house and go places and stuff. She began to talk about, that all I ever do is sit in a room all day and sit on the computer and on Facebook and so on. When I ask her to do things with me, she acts like she doesn’t want to, and then she uses an excuse to say that she does not have time to go out to places and stuff, the messed up part is that, Joe is kind of picky about  people driving his car. And as far as I know and see, she never uses his car anymore. Secondly, it’s sad that she chooses to go and sit in the room and read her nursing books than to consider hanging out with her only son when he asks, and then she wants you to sit in the room with her all time. That’s kind of messed up nevertheless she always use talking about the things I always do, emotionally attack me, and as a shield for her own. I felt like a stranger living here, and I have a mother that did not care to spend time with me, but only to fuss and preach to me about other random things that happens or something that I did. She once talk me that she will never treat me or Jennifer like her mother did, which ever her mother did to her…..I don’t know, yet again, it seems that she’s acting like her to not want to do things with me. Since I have been here, I have not felt like I accomplished anything by far. My mother the other day ago, she was fussing at me about random little stuff. As I was staying at home, I felt like I had no access nor could do anything. Today, my mother told me not to get online; I felt cut off from interacting with other people. I had no clue as to why, I was not bothering her. Suddenly she began to explain to me by telling me her reason of why she didn’t want me to get online; it was because she wanted me to do other things. My thing is how you can when you’re stuck at home 24/7? Well, not me I’m afraid; the habit of me staying at home for so long is starting to feel like a comfort zone for me, and I do not like the sound of this at all.

 

             This evening, Joe and I went to church. Joe is my step dad, but I just call him Joe. After we got there, I finally got a chance to sit with Jeff Harless and his family, it was awesome too. Jeff started to tell me about some new concerts with 6 bands that were touring as well. The concert was about ½ miles from here in the State of Alabama, so the concert did not start until in August 5th; I was really excited. After that, I saw that Jeff was wearing a band t-shirt that his Son plays in as the drummer, the name of the band was Screaming prophet. It was okay I guess; considering it’s nowhere near my style of metal, consequently, I choose to support him anyway. Recently, I was frustrated at my Mother for fussing at me about random stuff,  suddenly I began to feel like dropping out of college due to the fact that, I did not think I was ever going to continue to get transportation to school and back home. In addition to that, I am looking for a job and I trying to figure out, since I did not get to take my driver’s test, how was I going get around to places.

 

              On August 1st 2011, my Grandmother came to my mother’s house (considering it’s not my home of course) and ranged the doorbell. So I got up in the nick of time to put on my clothes, and my Mother came out of the room and, she began to have a clueless look on her face. She came into my room and asked me why I was dressed up for; I only just got up and put on some clothes like on any normal day.  And so my Mother and sister were complaining, after I went to the door, I open the door, and saw that it was my grandmother. So I told her that I was going to come out in a few minutes, and my mother came to me and told me where was my grandmother? I told her that, she’s outside waiting for me, so she got on some clothes and then went to the door to let my grandmother in, now I know it was weird to leave letting my grandmother stand outside, considering it was hot that day. Nevertheless, I figured that my mother did not want grandmother to come into her house, because of some issues that my mother and grandmother had with each other. While I was getting ready to go to school to get things straighten out, I finally came out and sat in the living room; listening to my mother talk about how I need to change up and, just other random stuff about letting her know when I go outside to walk around the neighborhood with her permission and stuff. So we finally left; when I got back, I noticed that my sister and my Mother were gone, so I was going to fix something for me to eat. Suddenly, Jennifer (my sister) and my Mother came back in, my Sister started acting retarded saying random things like, “What are you doing here?”  “Why want you just go back to your grandmother’s house?” My Mother, as she was getting the bag with the stuff she had bought, as she walked out, she said that I was just going to do what I want to do and that it did not matter at all what she said. So she walked off, after that I was in the dining room just on the computer checking up on my stuff for school. At that moment I felt that my Mother is careless of me, all because I did not basically tell her that my grandmother was coming over this morning. Finally, after getting things straight at school, I looked and saw that my money was a little bit low on my Pell grant balance. I thought to myself, that there’s no way this much money is going to pay off for my book for the fall semester of 2011. Right now, I do not understand what to do. I would talk to my mother about it, but she probably wouldn’t care anyway. Otherwise, I have no clue as to if I will be able to get to finish continuing school for the rest of the time being or not.  My only hope is that I pray that a miracle comes around to my Financial Aid so that I will be able to attend school and continue, without not having any money and with my balance being low, I feel that my dreams may be in like a shred of leaves that’s blown away. I hope that things work out for me though. Nevertheless never give up hope right?

 

              The next day, I was on IMVU talking to a friend name Justin on Facebook. We were having a good time looking a funny video’s on Youtube.com, and Justin and I had a great time. And then suddenly a random person on IMVU asked me out, at the same time. When I started dating her, she did not seem like she was interested at all. Her brother on IMVU was nice though, although I already said once before, that I cannot love anymore. In addition to the current previous breakdowns that I had with my Ex-girlfriend, the day before all of this happen; my friend’s sister and I were talking, and she thought that in a way I was asking her out. Nevertheless I was just talking to her, about my ex-girlfriend Femke. So somehow that conversation went from that, to her asking me would I date her if I was a bit older and stuff. I told her of course, but she was I guess 14 or 13. So I would not do again, I have respect for my friend Justin like that. I saw that his sister was online, and she wanted to be friends, but she seems kind of distant. Some girls kind of do that when they feel intense, especially when it is a person that they want to go out with when they cannot, for those of you that are reading this book, that have been through a lot of bad relationships, knows what I am talking about. So that is how the way some girls are….Normally, they do that to avoid others that they feel is intimidating.

 

It has been a while since I’ve been on IMVU. Before continue, allow me to explain to you about what IMVU is. For those of you that are reading this book probably have HEARD about IMVU, but you have never had an account on it. IMVU is 3D downloadable application software, which enables you to use your avatar person into a reality world. It’s sort of like a game called The Sims, Which you would play for the Nintendo Wii and so on. In addition with IMVU, you can make your own chat room, and you can dress up you avatar the way you like and use you Avatar to visit many 3D chat rooms and communicate with many other users online as well with his or her avatars. To get Credits, you can either buy or earn them, to earn them you will have to do a lot of surveys. However, to buy them you can use with a PayPal, or a credit card. Anyway, I rarely got on IMVU because it was no one to chat with on there….The only time I chat and log on it is when my friend Sarah Anderson was on it. Nevertheless, her and I are not friends anymore; the is another story that I will explain to you later, but for right now I am going to stick with what has been happening with me since between then and now. Well, the first time I made an IMVU account, I only had my account for, 5 years. One day, I decided to get on it to chat; I want into a chat room with someone. I began to chat with a stranger online, and well every time I tried to chat with her or him; they just leave the chat room without remedy. It was not only rude but also not very nice at all, so I after I go on it with Sarah a lot, I began to search in on other chat rooms by myself. While searching, I figured to find some people that liked video games and anime as I do. Finally, I found a chat room called, “The Game loft” chat room. As I entered, I began to start chatting, but at the same time I began to feel left. No one really new me at all of course, needless to say, I felt like a lost puppy in search for new friends. Suddenly, I met someone and her name was Miku. Miku and I were talking about Final Fantasy Dissidia 012; I was asking her about what would be an easy way to be feral Chaos, she told me that, her friend Dante new about it. Soon after her and I began to talk more, she suddenly took me to her chat room, and I met him. I began to ask her friend about the game, he told me that he recommends that I use Kain to beat Feral Chaos; by using kain’s jump attack move. So, after the talk about the game, I began to talk more and then Miku began to cosplay for me, as I at the same time excited and kept guessing at which character it’s. It was fun and exciting. At that point, I began to go to bed late at 10:30 PM; I usually go to bed at 9:30PM. So I stayed up the rest of the night so excited. So about 1AM I had to go to bed, I told everyone that I was going to log off and go get some sleep. I told them about how much of an awesome friend that they were to me, in addition Miku helped me complete my Cosplay look of Sephiroth, needless to say, I never knew that people could cosplay anime characters in IMVU, but now I knew ha-ha. I went to be feeling excited, and before I met them. I was so bored, with no one to chat online. Overall IMVU did the trick for me, so I begin to hang out with everyone more; suddenly I began to ask Miku about how could I join the family. Well, they told me to talk to someone by the name of Leon about that, which is he must have some sort of control and in charge of the whole entire group. So one day I spoke to Leon about it, he allowed me to join with no hassle. After I became a mob (in charge) I was not officially apart of the family; I was so happy, I was surrounded be a lot of people that ACTUALLY LOVES anime and things as I do. My entire days, I have spent looking for this and I have found the right people. I felt that being a part of the family, has made a great impact on me, it made me feel that I was cared for and loved, even when I was down, they were there to help me get back up again. Sarah she was a part of the group as well, sadly, she was kicked out alone with my other friend named Sora. And here’s how. But first, allow me to explain the strange things that have been happening that I knew about for a long time, but never said anything. Well, before I was officially a part of the family, I noticed that a lot of things were not going to well, it was starting with Miku and my friend Sarah Anderson; she goes by as “vampdarkblu” on IMVU.  Well, during the time I was away from the chat room into other chat rooms, I check on my Skype and saw that Sarah left a message saying that she hated the family with Miku and the others, I asked why on Skype and then on IMVU. She told me that she booted her friend John out because, he was flirting with everyone else, and so I scrolled up to read the recent chats of what had been said. Miku made a state saying about how she does not like “W****s” and other types of users that flirts around. Miku was only talking generally to Sarah, Sarah took it the wrong way, and got upset. Miku was pissed off and very upset; she couldn’t fight her own battles or take the heat, so she left. So about around 6:00AM I got on IMVU to go to bed. So the next day, when I got online; Me, Sora, Laguna were sitting in a room chatting, talking about what happened the other night. Finally I on the other hand started to talk about have Miku has been acting strange lately, every time her boyfriend or Leon came online. I began to feel that we didn’t even exist, and the atmosphere changed into an intense twisted cosmic feeling. The ironic thing is, Miku began to horse play with other guys like a big kid. But when her boyfriend comes online she started to act mature, needless to say it makes us feel like little babysitting little toddlers. Her boyfriend was alright for starters, her goes by the name “Doc” for short, Laguna decided to straighten things out. In addition to that, Sora and I did not think it would be such a good idea; Sora and I reached a conclusion of knowing that Miku relies on others such as her boyfriend, and Leon. So things after that were settled, one morning, I thought about what Sarah said to me, and how she has been treating me over the times I’ve spent helping her with her occasional problems. She told Sora to tell me she said f***k me. I did not think it was very nice, so I got back on my computer and deleted her off of my Skype contact, for being disrespectful towards me. The problem with Sarah is, she has a habit of joking saying down right mean things with her implicitly to her own thinking to seem like she feels is a joke. So she left me an email saying that she hates me and about the promises I made to her, however, I did keep my promises but she kept bugging me about Erick not doing this or that, and then when she’s in a bad mood, I try to help her; she begins to act negative and no matter how hard I try, she makes excuses for doing other things to benefit herself.  So the next day, I packed up everything up waiting for my grandmother to came and pick me up. After I got to my grandmother’s house, I went over to my cousin’s house. My older Cousin Jared was at the gym playing basketball, and my little cousin Xavier was at home playing video games. After I came in, my little cousin began to act like a divisional and normal-like. He asked me about my hair, and I told him it was a new look, just to answer to get by. And he told me no offense, but I looked like a fool. Consequently it was not very nice to say that, but he didn’t really care at that point. I told him that I’ve heard worse things. I told my older cousin about it later on during the time I was at my grandmother’s house, my little cousin was screaming at my older cousin about a lost puppy that got away.

 

                During the times that I was on IMVU hanging with my new best friends online, in different chat rooms. I started to delete some of the people that were on my friends list that, never talks to me or gets online anymore. Alone the way I dated a girl named Ren; she was a nice person I thought. Nevertheless Leon told me that she was looking for the right guy to treat her right and that has a sense of humor. However, after we dated, we added each other on Skype and started talking. Suddenly, everything was going good until Ren decided to break up with me, due to her habits instead of me and her being open to each other and working things out together as one. Then I email Miku and told her about it, she got mad at Ren for hurting me. I began to explain to her about how it all happened, and then she told me she was not too happy about the fact that she hurt me like that. Ren got on Skype, and apologized to me about what she had done; I thought that this time she was really going to corporate and to make this relationship work. However, things did not go the way I thought it would, she dumped me the second time but before she dumped me; she told Miku that I was being clingy behind my back, instead of being opened and talking to me about it. When Miku told me, I felt like I was a terrible person to Ren. And then suddenly, she broke up with me the second time just because she had family problems; she didn’t feel that she could handle a relationship. I felt that she was using that as an excuse to break up with me to flirt around, I mean think about it, and you break up with someone just because of family problems? That’s not right at all. So after that I began to avoiding her, I was at the Academy theme park that Miku created.  And then Ren invited me to chat with her, and so she asked me why I kept avoiding her and why did I deleted her. After I told her, she just got irritated and just deletes me after I messaged her saying that you can’t just dump people for circumstances family problems etc.  So after that Leon came, and gave me an offer; it was the best offer that I have ever heard in my entire life.  He wanted me to work as his apprentice; I was so happy and told him that I would be glad to take up on his offer. So on, I left for about 25 to 30 minutes to help out with cutting the grass and stuff.

 

Chapter 44

Violence for a soft answer

 

            During the times that I was on IMVU, a lot of drama has been coming around on and off lately. I found myself addicted to IMVU a lot considering that I found new people to hang out with. One particular time, I met someone in the Game loft chatting room. The first person I met was Miku; she was a fan of not only final fantasy but also anime as well. During the times that was hanging out with her, at first it was a lot of fun; I me some of her other friends as well. She helped me with my cosplay character of Sephiroth, and from there everything was going perfect. Along the way, I was so excited that I got back on IMVU every day knowing I had new friends to look forward to having a great time with. About 3 weeks ago, I met another friend, him and I went to the game loft chatting room to do a Dragon ball z Kamehameha blast effect; you can make sound effects on IMVU. Later on I will discuss IMVU and some of the other details as well. For right now let’s just stick to the subject here. I will discuss my reasons of taking so long to right a story as planned but a lot of things have changed which is that I will explain to those that are reading my series as well. During the time that I started to hang out with Miku and the others, I began to notice that something was not right about Miku for a while, but I never said anything. Of course a lot of people knew as well or you can say I was not the only one that notices that about her. Miku has zero tolerance about other girls that are asking other people online for a date or flirting around with others especially when another person is singled. I can relate to that and her way of not putting up with it, but other things went out of control. One time she was upset with me during the times that my Sora and Kaiz were joking to her about her masturbating; I was the one who started. After I left and got back online the next day after school, Sora told me that Miku was mad at me about something. So I went to pull Miku aside to talk to her about the issue. After doing this Miku became a bit ejective towards accepting my apology, needless to say it was only a joke. I understand that some people take things the wrong way instead of realizing that it’s a joke, or if they simply really get tired of joking around. So after that was sorted out, the next time, I invited my new girlfriend; her name is Ashley and she’s from Texas. Miku was letting her know in advance about the rules of her chatting room. So everyone was having a good time until I asked Miku what was wrong, suddenly she said back to me that she was upset. I asked her why and she told me that it was due to the fact that I invited Ash into the room, she recall of me remembering that I knew why she did not like her. I tried to give a soft answer, and to get her to consider of forgiving, forgetting about whichever reason she did not liked Ash, and move on. The answer that she gave me she refuse to accept that. After trying to make ends meet with her, she just totally went on lashing out at me. Miku has this thing where she likes to be in a center of attention, when she does not get what she wants; it was either her way or no way at all. Basically it was about her, and not about considering other people. She wants to control and move people around for her own amusement.  

 

             After the issue was over, I felt like a zero. I went to the game loft which they renamed it now as the otaku loft; and now it went from otaku loft to loins den origin. I told Ani about what happened, she told me that it was all about her and no one else. The thing that got my about Miku was that, she flirts around with Sora or Laguna or her friend Dante when her boyfriend Dc was not around. I was ashamed that Doc does not know about this, or if he was okay with it, then well that would be a different story. However, it he was not okay with it then I feel so sorry for Doc. Miku also comes to a point if she does not like someone, instead of pulling them over to the side and talk to him or her; especially someone that she knows regularly, she just chooses to get mad at them and ignore them. Finally, yesterday I go on IMVU again and saw the drama that was going on with cloud and his girl problems. Miku suddenly come in and everything was fine until about  an hour later, she was pissed at Kaiz and the fact of him and her new friend Reema was pregnant on IMVU….For those of you that do not under this, on IMVU other users uses this method as, Role play a lot when it comes to online chats. The ironic thing is, that Miku is about 35 years old; she’s older than everyone and she acts sometimes like a little kid at being upset over minor things at random. Most of time they are likely unnecessary things, but it was just ridiculous of how she acts at times. Most of the time people are the lack of understanding. I do not know much about Miku

I do not really personally know much about Miku accept her attitude and her way of doing things, other than that, I normally hang out in the game loft a lot. When I talk to another user named Aqua and the others, they do not seem to care about helping others but rather give out a passive advice just to get by. Ani is the only person that really seems to care out of all of the others. When drama strikes, people seems to not have a good understanding of pulling people over to the side to talk to them about it when other users call it “PC” chat; they abbreviate it which it is spelled as private chat. Conversely, IMVU is a lot of fun just has a lot of people on there with bad characters, and not very optimistic with helping others when he or she is down. Needless to say, I hate IMVU most of all due to the lagging habits. This particular day I do not have internet, so I decided to write and finish this series.

            The only reason I get on IMVU is to spend time with my girlfriend Ashley. I do not feel anything between me and Eve anymore, she rarely gets online. When I try to personally talk to her she began to act hostile and through things up in my face emotionally, the most thing is, I may not be able to never say her again. The only thing is, I do not like to be with someone that I will never get to go see in real life. I also met some new people from Holland, Natty and some other new friends as well. I do not get to hang out with them as much, when I try to interact with them, the only thing they seem to always talk about is relationship problems. Sometimes I began to feel ignored when I talk to them; so I just move on and appreciate life. What I found that was very ironic was that Miku actually apologized to Kaiz about lashing out at her, but she never apologized to me to nothing about what she did towards me. Well live moves on. Some people will never change. Since the time I began to use IMVU more often it came to my remembrance of noticing that I never get on Bookrix or on wirterscafr.org. I’ve been trying to learn back into my Netherlands native language, due to the fact that I have been in the US for so long; it is hard to maintain it unless you know another person that speaks it. By far, no one here in this country that I have met, knows the language or speaks it. The only languages I here often is Spanish and English, I hated the English language a lot. I wanted to learn Japanese as well, because I was going to transfer to a college there. Until then I am trying to learn everything there is to learn, before going there soon. Lately I have no good sign of trying to get my Driver’s license, and my parents don’t seem to be much help in that department yet.           

           On the first day back in school once again, I am taking English 101now. It was very exciting until I realize my Pell Grant balance was low; I had no idea if I was going to be able to get all of my books or not. Finally, I got the books that I needed and I was very happy and relieved. But the next semester, I do not know if I will even make it or even to the University of Alabama. So for right now, I continued to move on working hard in being on top of everything. My first teacher that I met his name was Ryan Orlando; he was my Math 098 teacher. My first time, I was late to class so I did not know too much at first. The only thing he did was put math problems on the board to refresh people’s memories in class. He gave the whole class a dialysis math sheet to do; it too me about 15 minutes to get it done, because a lot of math problems I saw were different from the problems I did in Math 090. My math teacher, seems quite new in teaching a class and he was working under a lot of pressure. The confusing part was, he sent the class math notes to look over, and when I logged on to MSN to check them, they turned out to be nothing but just numbers and crunched up math problems. It was confusing indeed, so I met another student that took the same class as I take; I do not remember her name but she was really helpful and emailed me some notes from her math class.

On the other hand the teacher was just confusing on every term. Never in a day did he ever make any since at all. I was getting so confused that I just stopped taking notes off the board, because every time I did he always erases it. I did the best I could until I got so fed up about it, and then I choose to learn it for myself instead of in class discussion. I turn and spoke to people that I go to class with before my math class started, and she didn’t seem like she really cared to work together or gave her opinion about it. The only thing she did was just told me to go to the tutors in the learning center for help, and meeting my math instructor named Ryan Orlando. But I had no time to meet him and every time I did, he was always busy with another student; so I gave up and learned it for myself. At one time they sent me a random tutor for help, and he didn’t seem to make any sense on helping all he did was ask me questions within the process of doing the problem; which was not the type of help I had in mind. Nevertheless it was his method of trying to help me. I did not like it and it made me even more confused. By that time, I was struggling like I am now doing math; it seems that I have lost my touch in doing pre-algebra math. When I was about 15 or16 years old, I used to be the mastery of algebra. I knew every problem there was. But now it was taking me a while to get the hang of how all of the way all of my classes were coming around for me.

            Lastly, I finally got around understanding the steps of doing algebra in college. The only thing is that I feel regretful for allowing another student to help me with my math homework; she only solved the problems and did my homework for me, but when the test came I failed it. It was my fault for asking her for help when I should’ve went to ask for a tutor instead. What had happen was, I was so behind in math that I was in desperate help, and I met a student that I go to school with named Victoria. She and I were trying doing math; she was trying to help me get caught up; At least that’s what I thought at first. Suddenly, she began to solve the problems and answer the questions for me; I guess you can say that, she was basically doing my homework for me. I did not like that at all; while she was solving the problems, I asked her how she got the answers on certain problems that were difficult for me to answer. After 4o’clcok came around it was time for us to go, As I was walking with Molly and Victoria, I started to feel depressed about not being able to do my math homework to get caught up with the others in class, and more importantly, overwhelmed by the start of the fall semester.

             Days went by, and I met a girl at the bookstore; I cannot recall her name, but she seemed really nice and social. During the last couple of minutes I had left until 6o’clock came; her and I started talking about random stuff such as relationships from the past, and her background and some other random stuff. Based off of what all she told me, I concluded that her parents were racists and it may have started to affect her as well. I asked her about does she live with her soul mate, you know how some people jump the gun and say, “OH NO….No….I do not believe in living with your boyfriend or any of that type of stuff,” The main reason she was saying that is probably the fact that, she was in a relationship with one of the pastors sons at her church or perhaps from another church. About 3 weeks later, I went to the bookstore again on a cloudy day. I went to talk to her and just being up for talking like usually, when I looked at her; she had a depressed sad look on her face. I began to start talking to her about something random, and she ignored me and went to the back for something. Another employee at the book store came to me as I was talking to him, and he told me that it would be best if I leave. In my mind I began to think (if she wanted me to leave due to her being busy, she should’ve told me this in the first place) but instead she used another guy to tell me to leave. The employee told me that she was not having such a good day, and she cannot talk when she’s busy working. The first day that I met her, she was busy but she had time to talk to me; I felt pretty stupid and a bother to her. Whereas she made it seem like I was trying to flirt with her, so I left with no hard feelings involved. All I was trying to do was be a good friend, and the last thing you would want to happen, is to have someone to make you feel like you’re flirting with them. Consequently, her parents were racists so that could be part of the reason. I really do not like this country at all. A lot of individuals here are going to the extreme of being picky, and half of the time they do not know what they want. Once I leave this country, I am not coming back to the United States just only to see someone special and that’s it. Depending on how long this relationship will work out or not, I will to see it through until then. From that day forward, I never talked to her again. Instead, I felt like a perverted person towards her. And I began to not like her anymore simply the fact that she is very stubborn towards other people. But anyway, I decided to stay away from people that choose to act that way. Most people are very distant and not very up for socializing with others, including with people that feel faded on the inside.

Chapter 45

Pulling throw a tragic faze

            I want to take a little brake from the previous chapter to catch up on what all has been happening me lately. So much has happen to me since I have not been writing in this book; as I have said in the video that I was going to try to write a chapter a week, to keep up with what has been happening to me. I know that it has been a while, and I am very sorry about that. The reason of my “writing absence” is because of change of plans that has happen to me since school has started. I thought I would be able to write the chapter needed aside but, it seems that, a lot of busy plans got in the way. My teachers, well some of them are not all that great especially my math instructor. His name is Ryan Orlando; he is a good teacher, he was working under pressure for the first time he started teaching the class. During the semesters, it kind of gotten a bit difficult for me in math; I was not used to his method of teaching, so I had to go to SAOR which was used to be called The Learning Center. There was one tutor that helped me, and his method was straight forward and simple; I enjoyed him as a tutor a lot. From that point, I got a B on my first college English paper; my new instructor for English 101 was Ms. Murray Dixon. She was a really great English teacher; I wanted to pass her class with flying colors. So far I am have trouble with pronouns antecedents and with subject verb agreement. More importantly, I never put in the reason why I talk about certain things that does not relate to my thesis statement. I try my best, because I really want to move to English 102. Overall, I really want to be done with math and English and all of my other classes because, I had someone special that I want to go see in a hear beat.  Previously, I was with a girl that I met on IMVU named Ashley, as you remember her from the previous chapters. Well things sort of went good until when she moved from her auntie’s house back to her mother’s house, she started to have more drama then she had while being over to her auntie’s house, about 2 months after that her and I broke up, because her and her parents had a big argument about the text messages that her mother saw on her phone; she asked Ashley if she could use it to make a phone call, and as she about to make a call, she went through her messages and saw that she was texting me. As a result of that, her mom and dad went through her room and through the letters that her and I wrote to each other.  And then I asked her on the text message of what else happen and she told me that her mother was going to take her phone away and made a statement saying that if she ever catches her talking to me or writing letters to me, she was going to kick her out with nowhere to live. Suddenly, Ashley texted me and told me that she did not want to lose her family; I tried to talk her and make it work out, but she chooses to dump me for her parents sake. She also told me after I told her about, seeing each other that we could not be together because she will end up losing her parents. So it sort of ended there, the only thing I hate about that was people always seem to use a statement saying, “You will find someone else and that person I hope will love you as much more than I did.” I hate that phrase more than anything, because every girl I every dated, I always got rejected and feeling hurt every time over and over again. So I did not think I was ever think I ever going to love again, until I met someone else; her name is Sarah Buechler, she is a really nice person. I enjoyed talking to her and she seems like a really nice person. I met her on Gothers.com. Well for the most part we talked for a while, and then we started dating. At first I wanted to until she was 18 years old, however she is currently 14 years old. So far things are going well, we used to chat on a site called Tinychat.com, but we decided that talking on Skype was much easier. Since Sarah and I have been talking on Skype, she seems to be ignoring me sometimes, a lot of times I assume that maybe I am just boring. I met one of her friends recently, and they seem pretty cool. For some reason, I have been feeling like my heart is struggling in this relationship with her. She seems like the type that if I go weeks or decades without talking to her she probably would not care. I do not know, and I am not saying it is the reason either. The only thing I am doing is guarding my heart from her even though I trust her. She does not seem to pay any attention to me when I try to talk to her, she can sometimes be random and when she is tired, well it seems that she seems a little bombed out.  I get that way sometimes too, but I never allow anything to stop me from talking or spending time with the person I love. Right now it seems that she does not really care, or just in a “Whatever” state, it really kills me sometimes, so many things I would love to freely tell her. Nevertheless she is only 14 years old; she is probably not ready to make rational decisions yet. And I feel weird telling her things especially when she has her own issues on her plate. So far as we have been on Skype, I have wasted my time spending time with her. Sometimes she will talk to me and most of the time she just do not really want to talk to me at all; I feel like she does not really care about me at all at times. I always feel like I have to make sacrifices to see other people happy. I will probably have heart problems by the time this is over. To be honest, I have no idea how long this relationship will last. I have not really known anything about her as far as relationship wise. Although we have been through similar things, I do not want to rush her into things. I feel that there is more to know of Sarah, and I am NOT talking about the one in the state of Kentucky; I cannot stand her, and never forget for what she did to me. I could not believe she did that to me. But anyway, Sarah is going well so far, I hope that she is very loyal. Either way, I would rather just get school over with so I can be in her life forever. I could never talk to her about these things at times because she never pays attention to me, when I try to get her attention she just do not seem to be interested so far. I was upset one day because I mainly felt like I did not exist to anyone; kept waiting for the day that I can go to my grandmother’s house and sit with them, because at home it depresses me a lot. I stay in my room to avoid drama and other stupid stuff.  

           I finally spoke to my brother from Holland named Dion; we were both excited to hear from each other, he told me that he was working and trying to get things worked out. It seems that within every step of the way, a thing seems to get harder and harder. The one thing that gets me the most is what if her dad does not accept me? That is a mystery for itself, especially when you love the person with your whole heart. Since then, I have been trying t text Sarah so many times.  Until after a while, I feel that she does not care about me anymore, it was like I was doing all of the chasing while she just sits back and ignores me. One time this really upset me a whole lot, one night, Sarah and I were video chatting with each other on Skype. She told me while we were video chatting that she was not in a good mood at the moment, I was on the verge of asking her what was wrong, but I knew if I did she would just use the same excuses of “ I cannot put it into words” or “ I do not want to talk about it.” So I decided not to say anything to her about what was going on. The only thing I did know was the fact that, it could have something dealing with her mum and what they talked about; I figured it was somewhat personal but the look she gave me when she told me she was not in a good mood to talk. Suddenly, I told Sarah that I was going to the rest room and I was going to be right back. She took her headphones off and I had to type to hear because I did not think she heard what I had told her. So I left and came back, and as I looked on the screen on my computer on Skype, I saw that she hung up. So I kept calling her and at first the calls were not getting through, so I figured that maybe something was wrong with Skype. But about the last three calls, she kept hanging up on me when I tried to call her back. I messaged her on Skype asking her what happen, she messaged me back saying, “I do not want to talk, I am just saying.” After she told me that, I was a bit upset, the type of upset that would make you wants to throw your own laptop against the wall. So I deleted her from my Skype contact, and the she texted me, saying I deleted her. She messaged me on Skype saying that her Father came into her room talking with her about getting another day out of school due to her being sick. At this point I felt like she was lying to me, and instead of her just hanging up on me she should have messaged me telling me she did not feel like talking or simply told me that her dad was in the room; but she did not do that. So since then we never spoke to each other again.  Before this happen, I was trying to help her to open up to me. She claims that she loves me a lot and trusts me, she came back and admits her wrongs and I was very happy about that. So I decided to give her another chance to make things work with her and me, but then things did not seem to turn out like I planned it to be. Every time we got on Skype video chatting with each other, she is always on a chatting site called Second life. Second life is similar to IMVU the only difference is that you can make you avatar fly, and you have to actually walk to stores in a real life graphic computer world buying things that you need. Or you can search for stores and choose the best one, it is sort of like some of the things that you would do in real life almost. Sarah and I never tried to communicate or anything, it was like we were two strangers on Skype. So I decided to move on to better things, I also felt so ashamed of myself and very disappointed. Sarah was only a 14 year old child, I did not understand what came over my mind into thinking that, and this would actually work out as I thought. It seems that love was not only a love at first site, but it was lust love and not real love.

               After the thing with Sarah, things went ok and I was very happy. Until one stranger named Allie form Chattango.com messaged me saying she liked me out of the blue. I did not know who this girl was, but I asked for her cell number for chatting purposes only, to see who she really was, I spoke to her on the phone a couple of times; she told me that she was homeless and she lives on the streets.  At first I did not believe it to be true, but it turned that it was. This girl was so anxious to go out with me, it was like she was desperate or I was too weak to push her away. After a while she started texting me saying disturbing things to me about how she was in the bed naked and also telling me that she was in the bed masturbating; which was gross of her to tell me. For the time being she was going to fast with me, saying that she wants me so bed, she kept telling me that she loves me. And lastly, she asked me about marring her. To be honest, she told me that she has been raped by a lot of guys, and she has been smoking for 8 years. I just cannot personally take a person that has been smoking for that long, I mean their breaths smells like s**t. I would literally through up in her face if she kissed me. I saw a picture of her, now before I go on, lately it occurred to me that, so far obesity people are desperate and wanting me for what reason I do not know.  I guess because most of them seem to know that I am very genuine and would rather go for it. So anyway, I did not dislike her, it is I only like her as a friend. She texted me a couple of times asking me if I was there with her what would I do if she kissed me and what not, pretty much you get my drift. She was just moving too fast, and I did not like that and I should have said no and moved on.

 Later on I met someone special named Cassidy. After getting to know her for a while, I saw how loyal and a good of a woman she really is. She was going through a bit of a long distance issue, and I was there nevertheless all of the way with her. I promised her that I would be there for here no matter what, and I kept my promise. She means to me, and I wanted to date her, but I had a feeling she would say either she will think about it, or simply say she needs a break for a while or just a simple no for an answer. So I decided to wait it out for a bit longer to maybe get to know her more than what I know of her now; she has no clue or idea that I like her a lot. She told me about a lot of people that really like her, which she has on her Skype contact and even some on imvu possibly. She also talks to her ex-boyfriend and her stalker. About a month later, Cassidy told me about how someone got on imvu and told her about her Ex-boyfriend.  Recently she found out about this during the time when I was in church. She did not feel like going to work, because of so much that was going on with losing her boyfriend and family problems. I tried the best that I could to help her and tried to be there for her, I did not understand some of the things that she was going through, but I was a bit shocked and surprised that she was handling her parents’ mortgage. I was trying to ask her out, which I felt stupid for doing that. I did not understand why I seem to fall for people when they experience a breakdown from a guy that they use to date that cares nothing about them. Mainly I do not understand why a lot of girls would be willing to throw themselves for one guy that cares little about them. It was so strange to me that, the whole concept sort of left me a bit confused for one minute, the next minute I felt as though my thinking was falling in the middle of nothingness. I guess you can conclude that I have been doing a lot of thinking lately, do you know how sometimes even though when you think for a long time about something and you have no clue what it was at first. And even though it was over something minor or a thought over nothing, you still feel as though it was about something….But the question you may think is, about what? In this live we live day by day, the real world and this society what we live in today. Has so  many answers, including rare answers, but even though when we have so many answers rather they are true answers, false answers, or sometimes answers that lie in between the center----only one answer is the right answer.

 I want to take out this time to discuss to you all of why my next issue has been delayed so much lately. Well, during the fall semester of 2011, I had to study for my exams, and after that I was a bit lazy to continue on. I felt like I need more time to get some other business and matters to take care of. My mother and Joe the guy she is married to right now, had an argument on and off. It happens every other month or every other week. I never really cared or liked Joe in the first place, when I spoke to my mother about getting rid of him, she told me that she was trying to but he hopped out of the car continued to fuss and through up things that he had already apologized for about 3 weeks ago or a month ago. As he was yelling at her abusively, he began to call her mean and dirty names, names such as a dirty b**Ch. And how she was very selfish about everything, getting on the phone telling everyone about the things that she does on her own and the list goes on. I was in the room hearing the argument the whole time. During the argument, I sent my friend Jay Clay brook, telling him that I was not going to make it because due to family issues at the moment.  After that, I sent my mother a message to her cell phone telling her that Jay was coming over to pick me up so that we can hang out. About 2 hours later, my mother came into my room and asked me what time was he coming over, I told her the time, which was at 5:30 pm and she said okay and left. During the argument that was going on, I was trying to keep Jay from arriving at the wrong time. After the argument was over, I wanted and Jay finally showed up, and Jay and Joe were talking for a bit, while I was trying to put everything up to get ready to leave with Jay to hang out. After they were done talking, we finally left. While I was riding with Jay, I was trying to talk to him about what was going on at home; he did not seem like he was interested, and he kept jumping off the subject. And then he began to say that in Christianity people do not believe in divorces. The only thing that went through my mind was, marriage without communication is dead anyway. Sometimes doing thing that a person may not believe in that is right or do not seem right, can actually be the only thing sometimes that can be the only thing to settle things once and for all.

        The second reason I have been so busy is me and a couple of friends I met on IMVU and hang out with were having problems with Miku. Recently, I kept slipping away from Miku on IMVU because she was the head problem. The problem that I had with her was that, she always got pissed off about every little thing, and when she gets that way, she either leaves the room or at like the person she is upset with does not exist at all. One day, I got on IMVU; I put my status on Do Not Disturb mode to avoid getting Mikus invites. They reason was I got tired of hanging out with her; during the times that I was hanging out with her, I discovered that she has gotten out of control of getting pissed off with everything. I even rejected from the Heart Family just to hang out with them. It was hard to even be myself because I felt that the atmosphere around her was a controlling atmosphere. Reema which is a close friend; she is like the closest sister that I ever had, told me everything about what had happen. One that particular day, I was completely shocked when I heard that all 7 people with was Tyler, Reema, Russ which used to go by the name Kiazeragde, and of course myself. I left a bit early because I was the first to pick up on it the fact that Miku was the head problem. Suddenly Reema and the others left because of her attitude and with her being controlling. Reema has been friends with her for 5 years, and what has completely got me is Miku called Reema a whiny little b**ch. And Castx and the others hated Tyler over something that he did, which I never understood that yet, but I asked Tyler, the way that he responded to me was in such way of him saying he did not do anything. So to tell you the truth, it was probably over nothing as far as I can remember. But anyway, Reema, Russ and the others had formed a new family called The Everlasting Family. After everyone was free, they all felt good and I was so happy for them. Miku on the other hand is trying her hardest to get them back, but failed. By now Miku should have controlled herself, and her attitude, but she brought this upon herself. I cannot blame anyone for not wanting to come back to her, because it would be suicide.

               One day I and Reema were talking to Doc which is Mikus boyfriend. But every time Doc was not on IMVU, Miku was always cuddling are Castx. Me, Reema, and of course Russ knew about this along new about this; Me and Russ and Sora were trying to come up with ways of looking out for Doc, due to the things we saw Miku do when her boyfriend was around. At this point it came down to us not doing anything about it, because we no other way of doing it without it back firing towards us both. So we decided to leave it alone and wait until the right time came to strike.

                 After I got to my grandmother’s house, everything turned out to be the same as before; nothing has changed at all. I left out with my aunty to go pick up my little cousin and go to games stop to get a game that he wanted. I on the other hand brought a few games, and also a new game for the Play Station 3. While I was trying to close up my wallet, my aunty looked in my wallet and tried to show me how to hide me social security card. When we got home, my grandmother and she were talking about it, and so I was trying to get rid of some stuff that I needed anyway considering that I had a lot of stuff in it that I did not need. After my aunty left, my grandmother continued to talk about it, and when I asked her a simple question, she made it seem like I was not paying her any attention or did not care. About an hour later, I went to my aunt’s house to hang out with my cousins, and I stayed there until about around 9pm, my grandmother called, to let my aunt know that it was time for me to go back up  to the house. Tonight, I asked her what time does she go to bed, and she told me at 8 or 9pm. At this point I thought about it, and wondered to myself saying, she should have told me about this earlier instead of continuously calling my Aunty Rena telling her that I have to come back to her house.

                    The next time around, I went over to my grandmother’s house for Christmas break after my final exams were over with. My Aunty Rena had to be the one to come and pick me up this time because my grandmother was at work and she was unable to come and get me. My Aunty finally came and I went into my room to get my belongings ready to leave, however, my mother and Rena got caught up in a conversation about what happen at the funeral with my mother’s mom etc. Finally the conversation was over and my Aunty and I left. We were on our way to pick up my little cousin from school and take him to Game Stop to purchase a new game he wanted to get. After that, we left and when to my Grandmother’s house to drop me off. And then after about an hour later, I went with my Aunt to go pick up my little cousin and then go to the game store afterwards. I and my Aunt finally arrived at the school and the school was not over yet because, my Aunt and I left a little bit earlier to get to my little cousins school on time. While I was waiting in the car with my Aunt, she was looking through her cell phone while I was sitting in the car looking around and enjoying the view of my cousins new middle school; it was just built about a year ago, before my little cousin attend to his new middle school. I do not remember however, the name of my little cousin Xavier’s middle school name, but it was a really nice school otherwise. My Aunty suddenly turned up the volume up on her cell phone; she was listening to Nephew Tommy, which is a person that does comedy prank phone calls; however it was pretty funny.  While I was enjoying the comedy of Nephew Tommy prank calling people, I looked to my left and saw my Aunt reading a book that she was trying to finish.

                 Finally, school was over and everyone came out ready to go home. My little cousins got in the car and we were ready to leave. I stayed over to my grandmother’s house and waited until it was time for me to get ready to go to the game store with my little cousin; I wanted to pick out a few games myself. So we finally arrived to the game store I bought the games I wanted, and so did my little cousin. My Aunty can sometimes be a little weird at times; she has always been acting strange every time I come to my grandmother’s house to get away from home for a while. On one particular day, I was in the room with my older cousin Jared watching him as he plays Call of Duty and Battle Field 3 on his Play Station 3 system. My little cousin suggested that, I stay the night over and hang out more with them so that is what I did. Before I left, I asked My Aunty Rena if I could stay over with my cousins and she allowed me too. So I went back to my grandmother’s house to pack a few clothes, and I went back down to my Aunts house.

            During the times that I stayed there, everything was going well, until one particular night. About 2 nights ago, I went to bed after I finished eating dinner at my Aunts house. I went to bed to sleep, and out of nowhere, my Aunty rushed in and turned on the lights and not really acknowledging that, I was in the bed sleeping; I went to bed early that night. So before she left the room, she looked through my book that my other Aunty in Holland mailed to me to help me with my native language in speaking Nederland’s (Dutch). The next day around evening time, my little cousin came to me and told me that she asked him if I was still here, and my little cousin told me that she just “signed” after he said yes. I told my little cousin that maybe she may have had a long day or something. The next time around, my little Cousin came and told me that my Aunt was talking about me saying that, all I do is sleep all day and go to bed pass the early hours of 12 and 4 am. The way that my little cousin told me was in such a way that she was either just have a problem with me, or just being retarded. So the second time around one morning, I was sleeping and my Aunty had company over while my cousins and I were still sleeping. My Aunty had no respect what so ever during the times I was there, she had company running all over the house, during the early hours of the morning, I overheard her complaining about random stuff such as towels that she had to wash, and tired of cleaning up behind people in the house. Her voice sounded blurry after that so I barely heard anything else. Meaning her voice sounded so far away and I hardly heard the rest of what she was complaining about, but for what I heard previously was all that I heard during that time. The third time around, I woke up on morning and I saw my older cousin go to the bathroom to go take a shower. I took a shower right after my older cousin finished taking his. After I was done taking a shower, I overheard my Aunty taking my older cousin Jared about something dealing with his paints were not ironed or wearing the same pants repeatedly over again. After that I heard her to finally mention about me to him saying that, all I do is stay up and sleep all day. Not acknowledging the fact that, I am spending time with my cousins, in addition to that it was a sleep over. That is why they call it, spending nights over, knowing that you cannot expect to stick with a regular schedule, and also---it was a Christmas holiday for peak sake. So at this point, I realized that my Aunt was using my two cousins to talk about me behind my back, making it seem like I have no home training or no respect. After Rena my Aunty got back, I went into the kitchen and asked her for some cleaning supplies to clean the bath tub behind myself, she answered back to me with a smarty mean remarked question. My little cousin on the other hand was washing dishes. My older cousin got mad, because he could not get a game that he wanted. While I was watching anime online, my older cousin kept bugging me about wanting the internet chord so he could play online with his friends. What really got my about my older cousin is, for him to get upset over a game that he could not get, is totally retarded I would say in my opinion. I went to talk to my grandmother about the situation, but before I told her that, I asked her if I and my cousin could go to the game store, she refused to take us because of the traffic on during the Christmas holidays. So finally I told her about it; forgetting the fact that my grandmother always either takes up the stupid things that my so called biological father does and what my Aunty does that is really  childish a lot of times.

Chapter 46 The lonely abyss

             As the years progressed on, I had been doing a whole lot better in school than I would imagine. Ever since I started to go on a fast with my church home, a lot of things have really turned around for me. Today however, I am still doing better in school; every night, I always pray that I would get more helpful instructors as the ones I have now during this spring semester. Other than that, my mother is still having issues with her husband; pretty much the same problem of not being able to relate to him about how she feels. My sister on the other hand, she got married to a guy she liked at an early age. My sister is currently 17 years old, married to her boyfriend and he is 19 years old. This was the first time I ever seen an early each child as my sister gets married so early and yet very young. I guess a lot of amazing things, strange things or whichever you want to call it, happens for a reason anyway. 

I met some pretty interesting people in my English class. Yes I had to retake it again because; I was not really getting the help that I need to pass the course. My previous English instructor was all about grammar mechanics or the grammar phrase of a sentence, which made it impossible for me to pass her class. During the time when I first took English 101, my grade average in the class was a C which I was barely making it however. My new math teacher is very good teacher, she always makes sure that people understand every math material that she goes over in class; even the ones that never done math before or if it has been a while for them. Because of the way she was teaching it, it was better for me and it helps me to pass the class in every math test possible. As a result of this, I was doing very well and learned to enjoy mathematics within the process of learning new expressions.  As for my new English teacher, I really like her as well; she is always doing what she can to make sure that, the class understands everything. One time we were working on classification-Division research in class essay, and for the first time she told the whole class that we only need one source. Way before it was time to do the in class essay, I did not understand the contrast between indirect object and direct object.  In addition as Ms. Debose my awesome English teacher of course, went over the assignment I began to clearly understand out of nowhere the contrast between the two differences of indirect and direct objective.

I also had two art classes which was Art Appreciation and Art History. Mr. James Styres was teaching the bother of them and since then I have really learned a whole lot. Thus he was a very excellent teacher and he really knew how to teach compared to some of the other teachers. When I first sat in class, I was freaking out not knowing what to do. I did not know if I could make it, but I was in the grace of hoping that I would pass. My mother and I on the other hand, went to the doctor so that I could subscribe on some pills called Adderall. This was supposed to help me stay focused in school, which it did and I felt like standing on top of the world. It was like I knew I could do it, the effect of the pill after I took it made me feel like a drowsy strange type of feeling. As a result, it helped me out a lot along with the benefits I received from the LORD after the fasting was over. I made a choice to fast from all technology, because I felt that it was holding me back from the potential that I had bottled up inside me for so long. The fasting really worked, my faith in God has went into a great new level. Since then, I continued to grow in the Lord and I was happy. I was so happy and grateful, for this was the best gift and birthday gift that I could ever ask for.  Daily, I continued to pray and ask the Lord to continue to help me to stay focused in my school work. I did not want to fall back in the way I was before his brought me out of it, so I made a choice to move forward in what I have obtained so far in my life.

Chapter 47 the stairs of mystery

            For the past year or so, I have been so busy with school during the spring semester. I barely had anytime left over to take a break from my studies. In addition I did well during my spring semester, thanks to some of the instructors that I had. They really helped me out a lot with my studies, and took some of the structure foundations. They also helped me to understand certain things that confused me the most. I thank the Lord for the previous instructors I had during the semester of spring. I went to the division chair of English and Math department, to talk with each of the instructor’s about assigning me with some of the previous instructors that I had. So that t it could help me through the course and it can reduce my habit of re-taking a class more than on time. I met the best Art teacher ever in college named James Styres. He very knowledgeable about what he teaches to the class, very organized, and he also gave use extra points if we show up and do extra work in discussion questions. During the spring semester I was currently under a fine arts scholarship, so I had no choice but to take Art History 203-50 and Art Appreciation 100-50. In addition I had the same teacher that taught the both of them, so it was really good enough for me. However it took a lot of work trying to get a lot of things done, considering my English teach kept assigning the class research papers during the spring semester. Thus it helped me to get in the habit of doing research and also using a little trick that I learned to work cites my pages on any research paper. Overall, I passed all of my classes thanks to the Lord and to the instructors that I had during that time period. They were a blessing to me, only with the good results of going to bed at a good time and getting up early.

            Now for the summer semester, I began to apply for only 2 classes which are only 6 hours. The summer semester is considered the fastest semester in any given college.  I thought I could manage those 6 hours in time and try to work my way through, but then my transportation got complicated. So the only thing that was difficult for me was I wanted to study in the Learning center at school. The tough part during that time has pushed me to a point where I was unable, to study like I did in the spring semester. I send my mother a message to let her know to call me when she was able to return my call. The purpose of this was I wanted to ask her, about letting me stay during the hours after my math class was over to study. From that point on I was unable to talk to her about it, so when I finally got home I began to ask her. My mother responded back dramatically saying, “You cannot just keep running us down. It would be best that you start learning how to drive (Mother).” During that time period of May the 30th 2012, I was already not feeling so well. I was doing a lot of thinking and a bit depressed and pressured about the whole issue of, being able to stay on top of my work. My mother recommended that I stay at home and study, also I did not need to go four days a week if I did not have to. This put me to a point of trying to figure out how I was going to be able to stay on top of my work if not at school. My mother also wanted me to study at home, the problem with that is, I get easily distracted at home and I hate studying at home. In addition to that, I ended up dropping my Math class that I applied for in the summer semester. Because the instructor I had was moving too fast with the answers and I did not feel comfortable with her teaching method. My math instructor only gave the class just the answers, and expects the class to use the videos to help. However, in my learning style that takes a lot of time consuming for me to work certain problems. So I just drop it all together, hoping I can have the same instructor that I had for the spring semester or someone similar to her. The only class I have now is my Art History class to take; at least I will be able to focus on one subject. Afterwards, I thought about just only take a break from take summer classes and just stick with the spring and fall semester. Because I feel that it will work for me, than just the summer semester.  I am fast in doing work and getting things done, but not that fast you fast.  Between that time period and now I have been on vacation again for the month of June.

            Since I been on a vacation after my final exams, my mother has been acting really strange.  By telling me about something called the Illuminate progress that the world are doing to get the current generation prepared for the Anti-Christ after the rapture of the Lord  comes to take his people away from this world. It seems that my mum is freaking out and at the same time when she starts fussing at me, about random crazy things, she seemed to not only be strict but trying to make sure that everyone makes it in. On top of that, she is trying to help Allen a student that she met in school on the phone. The problem I had with my mother was, she kept going on and on about this illuminate stuff. I really do not like nor would want any part of it. Every time I hear the name it really upsets me, because I refuse to join into anything that is not of the Lord. Well…the only thing my mother did was sat in the room and talked with Allen trying to help him understand the truth. The sad part is this guy never reads the bible for himself; he always calls and runs my mother down with questions and drama.  For those of you reading this book, rather if you are a believer or not, I do highly encourage every one of you to REALLY have a relationship with Jesus and get saved now. In the next chapter I will explain why.

Chapter 48 the hidden answer reveals

            In this chapter I am going to explain to you all about what is happening, and why it is important to get to know Jesus Christ and accept him into your hearts as Lord and Savior.  For those of you that are reading this and refuse to do this, then at lease you have been warned and know the truth about what is going on. I hope that for those of you that do not believe in God because of the past issues or whichever you may have aside. The Lord wants everyone to make it in, he loves everyone and has plans to make you all ruler over much. The only way to get into heaven is through Jesus. You must as him into your heart and be saved, only then your name will be written in the lamb’s book of life. Now then, for those of you that say you are a believer and that this do not apply to you. Listen carefully, go out and save other souls that are lost and bring them into the knowledge of the truth. If you do not do this, the Lord will hold those who are and call themselves a believer will be held responsible by the Lord as blood on the hands of those who say they are a believer of Jesus Christ. In addition to that, let the Jesus in you all that call yourselves a believer to shine and influence others that are lost. When people look at you, they will notice that something on the inside of you and it helps as well to make a lot of friends or one nonetheless.

            Alright then, recently my mother and I have done a little research behind the tables as you might call it. Do you noticed how the news on Television never show you the news about what is really going on, but only show you just the normal stuff that is going on in every day common times? Well…As I did a little research with my mother, I saw where as we speak now, people are doing what it is called “The New World Order.”  What indicates is, this system is trying to take as many people out as possible. The purpose of this is to reduce the population down to approximately 5,200 people. If you go outside right now and look up in the sky, you will notice that there are hug clouds in the sky. That is poison that they are using to try and kill some of the people. This is not only just going on in America; it is all over the place. As for the Illuminate and the New World Order system, the new forecasters never put these things on the news because they do not want you to know the truth, of what is really going on. People today, are easily soling themselves out for the Anti-Christ. Which is they are showing twisted things on YouTube about how there are game symbols on gaming consoles like the PlayStation 3 console for instance. Notice the letter “X’’ and the triangular shape? Well? They say it symbolized as the X and Y chromosomes.  Also you remember a video game called Zelda Four swords? Well the Tri force symbol symbolizes of what for the Illuminate symbol. The kind of symbol that you would see on the back of a one dollar bill, so if you ever get the chance go on Youtube.com and check out Illuminate and the New World Order.

            Lastly, I encourage all of you to please get to know Jesus and accept him into your hearts now. The world as we now it right now is not the same as it used to be, do not get left behind. For those of you I wish you take heed and do this, because it will save you from the Tribulation Force. Would you rather give your life to Jesus Christ now instead of waiting until you get beheaded to do it? This is not to scare or to creep you out, this is going to happen. The Lord says it in his word that it is going to happen the way he said it will be. Yes of course I am a believer indeed. My job is to save those that are lost, as many souls as I can that are willing to want to hear the truth. For those of you that are reading this, and you still refuse this and to not allow Jesus Christ in your heart today. At least I am here to warn you all about what is going on. Also about if you do not accept Jesus today as your Lord and Savior, and you except the mark which is 666 the number of man. You will be damned to hell forever, so please take heed and make the right choice while you are still breathing and about to do things for yourself now.

            This message is for those who are lost and need guidance; I do feel sorry for those that refuse to hear the truth. However, it is their life and they will have to answer for what they do in their bodies. Overall it is important that you get in a good bible based church and keep God number on in your life. He is either 100 percent or nothing it is up to you all to choose from. Live or die, make your choice.

Chapter 49 the pressure point

            Recently, it has been sometimes now since I began to start writing again. Even now I have to push myself to write and not stop…It has been sort of difficult considering I am pretty much too lazy to write anymore. However this is a good thing I started back writing again. It has been a year now since I posted my next new issue, it seems when I have new ideals I seem to start and not finish it sometimes. In this case it can be a habit but, I will try my best to stay focused on track.

            While I was sitting here writing this novel, I found new ways of narrowing my chapters down a bit. Knowing just now that a long paragraph in every chapter is not very necessary, when you already have the option to say less in the first place. For me, when it comes to narrowing my writings that is sort of where it becomes an issue. Hopefully in the future if that ever comes to past, it will not become a problem however. Anyway, I went over to my grandmother’s house which it has been a while since I have been coming to spend a night over like I usually do. Finally I decided to come over and stay a while, to get out of the house after being cooked up for so long. So now over to my grandmother’s house, it has been a little eye opening for me to see that my cousins are living with my grandmother now. There is a story behind it, which will be discussed later on in this story. During my stay over at my grandmother’s house, things I guess have been going well so far.  The most think that I found a bit strange is now I have internet over to my grandmother’s house thanks to Rena. She can be nice when she wants too, yet again she reminds me of my younger sister all over again, and just by the way she acts a lot of times. My little cousin Xavier is still annoying is usually. Nothing has really changed about him, and still we both laugh and have a great time by being random and with me and my older cousin making fun of him sometimes.

            As for my aunty Rena, she seems to be in pretty good shape as well….Usually she was not very lenient on allowing me to have internet access wireless, but she was nice enough to offer that. The only think that sometimes bothers me is, I knew the entire time she had internet wireless and never did offer it when she used to have her own house down the hill. Anyway as I continued to stay to my grandmother’s house, my grandmother acts sort of strange sometimes. I always noticed that, she always ask me the same questions repeatedly about why do I not like Ice cream or drink milk. It was starting to get annoying but, I guess she has nothing else to talk to me about. Mainly a lot of things go on and I seem like the only person that knows it, even though no else does. At one time, my aunty came into the room while I was playing on my older cousin’s Play Station 3 console, that she dared if I walk outside with my T-bogged hat on---the first thing went to my mind was not knowing how to answer to that statement she made. So I started going all over the place of saying random stuff that made no sense at all. Overall what she said was kind of weird, which I always go to school where my T-bogging hat on. My grandmother made a big issue about it just because I was wearing it and due to the fact that, it was too cold outside. The way I see it is hats are the same, no matter what they are especially if you like wearing hats. My mother back at home took my black hat which I normally wear and lost it on purpose, before I asked her if I could have it back. My mother should have just simply left my stuff alone in the first place. She always doing something stupid, just to most times gets a rise out of me. She may not have noticed however, but she fusses and goes all over the place as well. Thus she uses what she did research on about this illuminate crap and new world order to try to scare people or make them feel, like they do not deserve to go to heaven or something. I sometimes feel that way when she is fussing at me a lot of times, it feels like she is trying to make me be perfect in her eyes as a person and not allowing me to be myself. Most times mothers would t try to play their child for their mistakes, causing them to be mined poisoned in making them feel like crap.

Chapter 50 A tragic beginning

This world is coming to a disaster as we speak today. This may be the end of the living on earth, a lot of things are starting to get worse, day by day.  Living a life on earth almost seems impossible but, even worse. In English I am saying that hell is about to brake lose on earth before it gets started. Lately I have been hearing rumors about some things that, I feel you all should keep in mind. As I sat here trying to finished this book, I could barely sleep considering of all the things that are happening so suddenly.  Well…a rumor has been spread that, Air planes in the sky is sent by the government to spray what they said it would be aluminum Toxic chemical across the sky. The purpose was the government is doing this all around the world to reduce the population down to a certain amount. Meanwhile it has been also said that, the purpose of this is to reduce the habit of Global warming. On the other hand, at the same time, the president of the United Stated of America Brock Obama is trying to pass out a new law system called “The Obama Healthcare.” WI do not know much about it but, the only thing I do know is they will eventually pass out a new thing with the chip device. This act with the chip devices starts in the years of 2014 I heard. As a result, the system called “The New world order” is getting even worse. This is all the information that I know as of right now. Thus it is not to scare you, this is just to let you know in advance that, things on earth is about to go down and when it does come to pass you will know what to expect.

                        So much for that, I just got back from my grandmother’s house in some time ago during the month of June in 2012. During my time staying there, my aunty moved in with my grandmother because things did not work out in her marriage. In addition to that she solid her house to buy a new house, which that will take a while I guess. While I was staying there, I felt a twisted atmosphere over at my grandmother’s house. It was like a division kind of feeling, as a result my older cousin did not seem to care about me anymore. He is getting to an age now where he is apparently falling under the influence; by wither the people he hangs around in school or by my aunty Rena. I found this out by the way my older cousin was acting. The only thing he did was only thought about himself to a point where it was all about him. Have you ever been over to someone else’s house and you have to get permission to do something or to use someone else’s stuff? Well, only with my older cousin and his PlayStation 3, it was like he was over doing it to a point that I did not really feel like, I was over at grandmas anymore. I felt like I was being put in a corner with pressure. So after staying there for a few days more, I finally saw my biological father; he did not seem very friendly at all. He never stopped to say hello or nothing, he just walked out of the door and left. My grandmother claims that he asks about me all of the time, but I feel like it really makes since if my father was asking about me so much as she say he does, then why would he not put in effort to call me? The obvious fact of the matter is, he is not really that caring on wanting to know how I am doing as my grandmother said he was.  I did volunteer to get his cell number and try to call him, but when I finally got a chance to speak to him he seem not to recognize me. Then later on, I and my little cousin Xavier were talking in the living room; my aunty and my two cousins had the other two back rooms. I had to sleep in the living room on the floor. When I first started to spend a night over there, I saw my grandmother in the living room on the floor trying to go to sleep. She made a palled on the floor and I had to wake her up and to allow her to sleep in her own bed and I was going to sleep on the floor instead. Mainly I always had a habit of being considerate and caring for others, I am not perfect, but I do what I can to help people although I love helping people no matter what. So one night as I was lying on the floor trying to go to sleep, my little cousin sneaking in I guess either trying to scare me or pick on me as I was trying to sleep. Unlike him I pretended I was sleep just to keep a looking out for him. My cousins always stay up to at least 12 to 3 am in the morning from all day during the night playing video games. As a result I was glad to be home even though at times it can be quit of a bore sometimes.

            So far thing have been well with me throughout the days of school and at home, considering so many things has happened since then. However that is another story for the next chapter of this book. This will be a bit longer than most chapters, because it deals with the things that has happen since I have been away from finishing this book. Yes that is right a lot has happened since then. In addition I am glad to finally get the discipline and strength to force myself back to writing again. I hope that this time, I can continue to keep on writing and never stop writing. I think this will be the end of this chapter since it has been a while, but to make it a part two interpretation for this chapter to the next chapter….I can just say this; my life has been falling through so many tunnels and swiped away by a wind that never stops. This time things are really going down, many things are changing constantly, and to make this ironic, since the tornado issue a lot has changed. Things has becomes so different to the point where, it went to the extreme. This however includes changes in this world which we all live in right now, is also putting individuals in the dark about these major changes. No one is podcasting things on National nor allowing the public to know because, do they not want the public to know the truth. As a result of this, the societies which people live in today are being in the dark about a lot of things that are happening, during this time period.  Mainly this is basically about the reason why I have not been writing in so long. Otherwise I am back to writing again. This next new story of this new part six, sill put emphasis just basically all that has happen since I have been away from writing in so long. Sadly no one really supports my novels anymore, not even to some of the students I told about it either. Considering the fact that it is called My Life Story novel, individuals would assume that it mainly has a lot to do about my life and experiences. The subject of these two principals can also fall under the category of personal life with things that are not shared with others, by subject matter at least. Most individuals only look at the subject matter of how certain things are, instead of the statement itself. This I will do my best to explain later on during this chapter. This chapter is basically an intro on about my whereabouts and also simply letting you know about the new things I have learned to do and what not to do basically lol. Alright then, next chapter are you ready? Let’s do it!!...

Chapter 57 Another way to go

            During the spring semester, I have made great progress. Just when I was starting to enjoy going to school, something else stupid happens. A lot has changed at my school, which is Shelton State Community college. I never thought things could get any worse than the way  they are right now, considering the tuition has went up and if this keeps up it can be possible to pay for tuition and books at this rate. During the summer however, I took only six hours of classes because if I took more than that, it could result in my failure like the last time when I first started in the year of 2012. During the spring semester, I was happy and determined. Alone with the Lord helping me through my toughest times in school I somehow knew that I will make through no matter what. There were times that I never thought I could make it, but in the end I always succeeded. I addition to that, I met some interesting people along the way including during the spring semester as well. My painting class was cancel during the spring registration, so I went to speak with my advisor and she made me take both Art Appreciation and Art History class. I called my mother on the phone and spoke with her about it; she seemed very dramatic about it. At the same time she knew or probably did not think I could do it, considering how things were for me. So there was only one thing left for me to do, and that was for me to do the best that I can.  Before going to m next class, I prayed pleading that I would get really good teachers this time around. Suddenly my prayers were answered, and I was very over joyed.

            My first class was Math 098; this class is considered a developmental class. I had to take it in order to proceed to Math college course. My teachers name for Math 098 was Ms. Kim White; she was a very good teacher. She took really good notes on the board, and she worked some of the difficult problems to make sure all of the students understood how to do them. She always made sure that not one student was feeling left out in the class on any material.  I really enjoyed her as a teacher, and a friend that understood my learning preference in school.

            The next teach I had is Ms. Whitney Dubose. She was my next new English 101 composition teacher after Ms. Dixon. Ms. Dubose was a really great English teacher; she gave us research papers during the entire semester. However, she helped me to get in the habit of doing research and doing interviews with other people based off on any paper I had to work on. I really enjoyed her and I was hoping to have her for 102 English compositions, but sadly she was only called to only work on English 101 and I think American literature classes as well.  I tried to get a hold of the new division chair Dave Sandy to discuss with him, about getting a teacher which would be better for me for the next upcoming semester. Things did not turn out too well, and I ended up having to take other teachers which I not know. My main purpose was to choose the right teacher, that would care about students and is similar to my current teach I had for English 101. Sadly I was out of luck, I felt like I would not going to make it just the way things were for me.

Lastly I had two art classes with a teacher named James Styres. When I first came to his class I was very nervous, and I had no idea if I was going to pass both of his classes or not. I had both art appreciation and art history with him. At first I wanted to drop his classes because I felt I was not going to make it through, but I stayed in his class to at least try my best. When the class progressed on I once figured out that his tests were so simple, on the first test in art history I made an A plus on his first test.  No too long I began to talk to him more and I discovered how awesome he was. He was really kind and a laid back teacher, at this point I felt so relieved and also happy at the same time. He began to tell me about a lot of things that were happening at Shelton and it really surprised me too. He was very knowledgably then most visual art teachers that were teaching or even in the whole entire school for that matter. He knew how to teacher and he made sure that his students got the material in class. 
            Since having such nice teachers and also very kind, I understood a lot of things which I did not know about before. In addition to that I learned a lot from them and in hopes of seeing them again soon. As a result, my fall semester is a bit loopy for me and I hope that I can make it through this semester as well. It seems like the best teachers I have often, always seem to stray away than those that are not and cannot teach at all.

Since then during this semester, I have not been starting out on the right foot I guess you can say. Lately I have been having a habit issue, the more I try to quit the more it becomes worse. So by reading this, I guess you are wondering….What habit is it? What all has happen to you during your school semester? For one thing my habit is sort of ….Well; let’s say it is something I have been doing as a habit since I was 12 years old up until now. As a result, I can a sure you it is something that may either creep you out or gross you out. So I say this which most of you that my not really want to know, here is a question for you that are reading this book. What makes you want to know about this issue? Is it because, you just want to know or is it because you care to know and not just for your own amusement? This is just something to think about, before I tell you, just remember that this book is based on a true story of my life. Do not look at the person, instead look at the circumstances in which that person is in. Once you look at it that way, you can understand and knowing how it is the way things is.

During the fall semester, I have new classes which is 2D composition class, Math 100, Sociology 200, and ENG 102 Comp. The only class I seem to have the most difficulty in is the 2d Composition class, because my instructor is not really the sharpest tool in the shed. What I mean by that basically is she is never on time for class. For the first time, I had to do a project for her class. Before I get started explaining this, allow me to explain 2d composition design class I have. 2D composition puts a lot of emphasis on color wheels, and using abstract objects to design by apply the elements of design. This class however, is different from taking an art class, in art you drawing and sketching, which is now called gesture drawing. Basically what I am saying is Art and design is different, both are not the same even though most teachers would be naïve to assume that both are the same.

My art instruct name is Ms. Chen, she comes from China and she is my instructor for the 2D class I have. During the semester I found myself struggling one designing projects, because I tried to make time to finish them. On top of that, my art instructor makes a statement after my last time turning in a project. My instructor gave me a sharpie to trace over my work and make it look neat. At first she never said we could use sharpies. Here are the supplies she told the class to get, before we got started with the 2D course. She told us we needed ball point pens, a sketch pad to keep up with our ideas, color pencils, and art drawing pencils. These were the supplies she wanted us to get, at the same time she I assume trying to prevent us from paying more than what we need.  However, during the middle of the semester she told the class something different. She told us we needed a bristle board which is kind of like a poster board but different, then she said we needed markers. She told the class this in the middle of the semester she began to tell the students, about what she wants for us to have. The part that confuses me about her is, we she assign something for homework, she seems to scrambles. Mr. Styres was right to say that Ms. Schmidt would make a better instructor than Ms. Chen.  I mean she is totally unpredictable at times, other than putting up with her, well I  have to put up with other employees and there stupidity. At this point, my only wish is to be done at Shelton so I can place once and for all.

The only reason I have to have the 2D class is because; it is part of my curriculum to transfer. It has been a while, since I have been able to have time to drawing in my own artwork.  I still carry my black portfolio with me to school every day so far, and try to make some time to draw to keep my stamina going. However that is impossible for right now, judging by the way my schedule is right now. So I try to use the public library for an advantage to draw after I was done studying.

My grandfather always takes me to the library after picking me up from the library. This however began to have a drawback, after his friend died some time ago this year. Since then he began to act a bit strange then he normally act, and not himself. He acts like a little kid that has lost his mother in a car accident. He started to irritate me about wanting money for gas and every time I tell him I am going to library, he always asks me does my step father know about it. I try telling my grandfather that, I would call him when I arrived at the library. As a result of this, my grandfather starts to act weird and calls my step father to say that I was going to the library. This left Joe confused wondering what happened. At this point, this added more of me being upset then, how stupid my art instructor acted during that time period. This happen during the fall semester of school, and now my mother wanted to talk to me about something. Which can this day get any worse? She claims she has my best support at heart, but the way things are going for me I felt like giving up and quitting college. Not saying I will do that, it is just making me feel that way by the circumstances I have. This would be awesome if my mother would spare me the time to use the Mercedes to practice driving, but sadly it cannot be helped. No one in the house are not much help in that area, meanwhile I sit back and I feel like my life is based on as a witness of others success and not mines. Some people use the phrase” It is not all about you, and it never was.” An individual uses this phrase as a shield to push people away from their wants and needs in life. Even though it seems like that everywhere, with so much going on these days.

Chapter 58 A cause be known

            Today is the day that I finally decided to continue on writing. Once again things have happen since my last chapter I have completed in this book. There is so much to tell and so much I have learned, maybe perhaps in the hard way.  All will be told in time but for right now, I want to start on this part of the chapter to talk about some of the previous things that has happen.

            Previously, I have been busy with my college courses and it was a lot on me then I thought it would be. My one night math class was never the problem; it was simply just the time which promoted me to be in a hasty pressure such as the fifteen minute in class quizzes and tests. My mother and I had a talk about letting me stay in school during the hours, so I could have time to catch up on some of the material I had to do for homework. The Soar institute learning lab center became my ultimate source for help sometimes. Usually I get more help with math than I would with English tutors; I guess you can say I never had problems with English. The only issue I have with English classes is the MLA format, because it changes often to something else different. Other than that, I take a custom to writing as the same as drawing. As this fall semester progressed on, I soon came to realize that it was getting close to the finals. Since my 2D design visual art class was starting to promote a conflict with my other classes, I had to drop not only my English 102 class but also my Math 100 class as well. The reason was my teacher Ms. Jaia Chen; she is known to be called Ms. Chen for short. During the semester, my teacher was never on time for class and she was not very organized by the way she does things and teaches. The first problem she has is she never likes it when students comes and asks her questions, and then she gives a speech rather than helping her students. She is also the type to play an protagonist role in play favoritism, towards certain students. She only does that to people with good artwork assignments, or where she sees fit. Our of all students, Ms. Chen would come up to me and make a statement by saying “whoever taught you how or who taught you how to do create art this way by it sure was not my class. When I was a colleague student, M teacher would get on to me for drawing or creating my project this way” (Ms. Chen).  Mainly I can say to wrap this up is that; she has been one of the toughest teachers at my school who cannot teach a class.  The second thing is she never communicates to the students, because she does not know how to. I tried talking to one of my class mates about her, but some of them were either brainwashed or just simple minded and some of them really understand how she do things. So because of her I ended up dropping both my math and English classes, because she always makes us spend too much time on one project. The mainly root of the issue is the little exercises she makes us do and the research, before we do the project. I feel that the exercises was a waste of time, especially when she does not give any grade points for it. The finally thing I hate the most is her teaching method, because she really confuses me the most. What she would do is give the class a handout sheet, for the next project and gives an entire speech on it. At this point I knew how to go with the project, I just did not know how I can do it in my style or doing a project. What I meant by this is how to get it on paper basically.

She did however show us a few  PowerPoint slides f examples, but I was still not understand and I asked her to draw examples for me because I felt that this would help me a lot better, than just research and doing exercises.  As a result Ms. Chen refuses to help me and told me to continue to research on other things. For the final project she wanted the class to do a dada at movement style of showing time, motion and movement.  When I came to her asking for help, she started to tell me about my recipe and during the time she was helping me on my work, I was totally lost and did not understand the method of hers at all. For now I just acted as if I understood what my art instructor says, and then I went on asking a student for help in class. Things from there sort of went okay. I found a new special someone from Japan, and she is a wonderful person named Azu. She can speak English in a way, but for now she is still learning. So during the times I spend time with her, I try to stick with everyday words she uses. Because I did not want to confuse her with other complicated words she may or may not know, or either cannot pronounce to understand them. Azu and I met on an online social website called IMVU. Since the relationship progressed on, it was known during the time as a process of getting used to each other. Of course we had our moments of good times and bad times, but in the end I stood with her thick and thin. She has a cell phone from America, so I text her on it to be able to stay in contact with her. On the other hand I think that the reason she barely replies back to my messages, is because she is still trying to learn how to speak English still. She could be easily distracted by other things perhaps.  Overall I love her with all of my heart.

This part of the chapter once again is just a little catching up on things, and some of the things that are new happened in my life so far. For the next chapter I will carry on talking about the crazy adventures that I had and, what all has happen to me in my life. I am sure of it that even though my books which I have written have not been commented on, I believe that someone out there is still reading my novels. It could be maybe an eight percent out of a fifty chance, who knows.  It is only a matter of putting my work out there I guess, and turning my stories into episodes.  I may do that soon right now I do not know yet.

Well to start things off since it has been a while since, I started back to writing again. During this semester everything sort of went good, until my semester started to “Snowball” on me. I began to withdraw two of my classes which were Math and English, because of my transportation issues and my 2D class. My art teacher made me go around the world, to get what we needed for the next assignment in class. I could not help but notice that every time my visual art teacher lectures, it ends up becoming a speech. The name of my Two Dimension design instructor is Ms. Chen; she was the only teacher that could teach the two dimensional design classes. I do not understand why but, considering that she is the only person that could teach it. I know do know that she claims herself that she can teach three dimensional designs. That part I have not quite understood, but during the entire semester she has not organized by what she does. After the final project was due, Ms. Chen gave me a B and I was happy. The only two classes I had during that time period of the semester, was my Two Dimensional design class and Sociology. After I passed my 2D design class, I took my sociology test and the next day I saw the results of it and my mind was blown away. I saw that I scored an F on the final. When I went online to banner to check my final grade for the class, I was in shocked that I scored overall with a C in her class.  Before I went to go check, I was a bit disappointed with my grade results in sociology. Even though I was giving it my all, at the same time I kept having conflict with time and transportation. So during the middle of the semester, my mother kept telling me to go over to my grandmother’s house and stay with her for the rest of my semester.  At first I did not want to, because for some strange reason I knew that something would happen. Every time I did go to my grandmother’s house to hang with my cousins, my aunty would always try something strange to split me and my cousins up. Finally I decided to go to my grandmother’s house, and stay there for the rest of the semester. During the time I was there, both my mother, grandmother and my aunty got onto me because I stayed in school late and did not tell them. My aunty she started to oppose me with her attitude in such a way to get a rise out of people.  Her attitude is the one thing I never like period. The second time she acted this way was when, I was horse playing with my little cousin Xavier. I hit him in the head a bit too hard then I should but, I never meant to turn it out to be serious about it. My aunty came and I tried to tell her about when he does starts to, bug me a lot of the times when she was never around. She began to take her frustrations and attitude out on me, for no reason. So she wanted to use the fact that I was horse playing with my little cousin as bait to get upset about. As the fuss between me and aunty progressed on, she started to oppose me trying to fight me.  Well over all I guess you can say a lot of conflict was involved, plus at the same time she claims I was being immature forgetting the fact that the way she acts hastily was ridiculous. My grandmother and my older cousin Jared had to back her away to prevent her from coming at me. While bother my grandmother and my older cousin were trying to hold her back, my aunty tried taking different objects and throwing them at me. Suddenly when she finally got close to me while she was being held back, I punched her in the face in act of defense. I understand it was wrong to do under any circumstances, but at the rate things got for me she was acting really psychopath to the point where she would make threat statements, saying that she would slit my throat if I ever fall asleep and so on. All other stuff she say was not really mainly about the fact I was horse playing, and hit my little cousin it turned out she was upset about something else and need someone to take it on. So she used me as bait, just so that she could do that and have something to tell my little cousins father about. After the conflict, I told both of my cousins how sorry I was for hitting their mother. However she told them to pack up there things, and to lock their game consoles. This was telling me that my aunty is not thinking straight, considering that I have a play station Vita. A play station Vita is a hand held gaming console, which is a bit updated from the original psp version. For those of you that play video games know what I mean, thus for those that do not, well I recommend you do research on that. After my cousins left with their mother, I told my mother that I was head home first thing tomorrow. 

When I finally got a hold to my mother on the phone, she told me she just got out of jail. At this rate my heart dropped and I was astonished.  I tried asking her how this all happened, she told me it was a long story. So when I arrived home, my mother began to explain to me about what happen. She told me so much went on during the time that she did not know where to begin, during this rate I imagined a lot has happen. So she told me how her and my step dad named Joe got into a fight, and he punched her in the eye and pulled her hair right off the follicles of her scalp. She told me she still have soars of where he pulled her hair out at, thus  she told me that it was so bad that she had to wear sunglasses to school. Because she did not want anyone to know she had a black eye, on top of that she had to get help from her friend at school and even certain citizens of how to get around.  My mother  told me that she used up all of her money including, the money she used to pay out of pocket for her schooling to bale herself out of jail. She also paid for Joe to come out as well, which if you ask me she should have let him stayed in jail. After the fight, my mother told me that, my step dad called the police to kick my sister’s friend out of the house. When the police showed up, my mother told them the entire truth of what happen.  On the other hand, my step dad lied to the police about bruises had had that my mother put on him. She told me that he did not have any unnecessary bruises on him, it was scratches but it was not as significant at all. They were just normal marks you would get if you would for example wear a watch or something like that.  So because my mother told the truth about everything, while my step dad stood there and said nothing my mother and my step dad went to jail. My mother told the polices the truth and still went to jail. 

 So during this time, I was dating a girl I knew offline name Macy. She is from Japan and lives in city Tokyo, she was also a singer and probably have albums out named “AZU” some of you may have heard of them then again maybe not some of you. Anyway, I thought it was just something she was doing for a hobby but when I finally spoke with her brother, I found it was true. Later on she travels her to the USA with her family, I guess to come and spend the rest of the vacation here before they went back to japan. During the time period, before I met with her brother on the phone, when I and Macy started dating she mentioned to me about coming here to see me in my city.  At first I was excited, an also nerves and then as the relationship between me and her carried on. She was starting to act random, when I tried to ask her questions she would get off topic or act random. This happen way before I even had a chance to speak with her brother. Her brother was a really nice guy to talk to, I forgot what his real name was but people nickname him as Billy.  Billy started to tell me on the phone, about the things Mazy had to do and doing concert tours and other things based on her music. As a result, I had no idea she was doing this for a living which is singing. Macy also told me that, her mother is a singer as well which may explain all the more of why she had to come to America too. As this progressed on Macy started to make certain jokes about getting married and, how she was married already. I told her when I was on IMVU with her and another friend, I told her I did not want her making joking like that at all. What kind of a girl that would joke that way? Well even I do not know, yet have never seen this one coming before. Well at one point I thought that she was back into Japan already, but to turn out she was still in America. She told me in text message on the phone that she was going to Ohio the state, but she called that a city instead. The about Macy is, she only knew how to speak in Japanese. Her brother Billy told me that, he has been trying to teach her how to learn English better. Thus Macy told me her English was not good and she could not speak English in real life, but she can type it somewhat. One day I was in shock when she told me another guy had sex with her in her bed, I asked Macy what happen and she told me she was out cold. At this rate I was so frustrated about the situation she got herself in, the way she tried t explain it to me made no sense. Then the question popped up thinking that, how could you let a stranger you do not know come into your house, and do things with your kids and not beware of what is going on? She told me she does not know who the guy was, and that he was in jail for his crime. She did tell me she was so mad about what he did to her.  On the other hand, I kept asking her continuously or what her mother said about her coming to see me, and when she was going to come etc. I asked her to marry me and she told me yes. At some point or another she will ask me if I was up to the challenge, and that I could not win. That part I never quite understood yet but, when I tried to get her to explain a little bit more about what was happening, she kept talking in Chinese. I was too frustrated to even trying to understand what she was  trying to tell me.  Afterwards I started to have doubts, assuming that she could have possibly allowed this guy to have sex with her. Or on the other hand raped her, and got her pregnant. I started to want to talk with her older brother again, to get a better understanding of what all happen during that time. Macy my girlfriend on cut to the point and told me the guy had sex with her, overall it made no sense to me of how can you be that out of it in your sleep to not realize a stranger is having sexy with you. I am still trying to get over of what has happened, and considering that she is pregnant. I don’t know if I am ready to take on that responsibility or not, I was planning on marrying her and having kids with her. Instead things sort of went backwards, it seems that every girl I try to fall for or date, things always happens. It is like almost I am not cut out to have anyone, or there is curse over my life or something. During the past, I been through a lot bad relationships especially with a girl I used to date 2 years ago named Sara Harris. Man she really hurt me so badly, she went and had sex with some guy name Chris. After I told her not to, during the time I was in school for two years I tossed and turned as if it was haunting me or something. Afterwards I was hurt so badly, which in my previous novels I actually talked about my ex-girlfriends. So anyway even after all of that, Macy and I were still together. For now on they should not allow other people to enter into the comfort of their homes, until making sure it was someone that they know. Even having so many friends that you can barely realize can result in troubles as well by possibility.  Macy kept making up dates of when she would be able to see me, but she never came to see me yet. In fact, she has been on America the entire time and never has come to see me. At times when things happen to me, there would be no body online that I could talk to about it. I could not talk to my mother about it because; I already know what she will say.  I just cannot believe this is happening to me; I have waiting for so many years and kept myself pure for the one in my life. All of a sudden things have gone upside down for me; I wanted to be Macy’s first and last husband in her life. I wanted to make her smile and hold her in my arms; I wanted to always be by her side forever. I promised that to her, and I will not give up on her. It has been a year since her and I dated, and I just cannot believe this has happen to me. Some strange guy had sex with her when she was knock out could? Man what else could happen to me? I feel that I have been robbed out of a special someone I wanted to share my seed with. Now that this guy did something to her, who knows what type of disease or what is going on. I hope she is ok, and she texted me laughing it off as if nothing else really happen. It was so strange; I try to make sure she could understand what I say in English. It seems like every girl I fall for ends up in some sort of trouble on certain times. People will passively say to wait and it takes time, but if you ask me, I waited for 24 years. Some would turn off and say, that I am just too young and need to do a little growing up. Hello? I am an adult for crying out loud, they say it like you have to wait for years on end. However I think I have waited long enough and, this is ridiculous how so much happens for me. I understand things happens for a reason but, I really love Macy and plus to top it all off, I even confessed to her brother Billy. About how much I cared about her and wanted to start a family with her and much more.  It makes no sense of why when I try to have something good, it is taken from me.

 

To Be Continued….

 

                    

 

                           

© 2013 Nicaushio Yamaki


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Great story telling. This did justice in the realm of getting the message across. Great message. There's lot of times where a story can have a great message to aim for, and have a lot of under lining things but then no one gets it, and if no one gets it, then the point has failed. But in my opinion this did well to get the message across. You made it clear, which is why I think it's good. Keep up the good work. What was also great was that I could imagine the story as I read it, and that is also a strong point of stories. The ability to have the reader imagine it because after all we're reading not watching it, but it was as if I was there as I read this, and that is great. Great visuals and great story telling. It had plot and substance. When you add substance to writing it gets that much better. It gets the reader hooked on it and make them feel as if they are part of it. As long as their is that emotional connection between the reader and the story then it's good. The connection you were able to established in the writing gives the reader a sense of comfortably that they are in tune with the writing. So that way when the writing is over, the reader wants more, and wishes it didn't end. I feel the same way when I watched a movie or tv series that I get so attached to, I never want it to end. And for this writing, I didn't want it to end. You had me hooked, and I am sure everyone else who read it was hooked as well. That is good, that is what you want for people to keep wanting more. The way you put the story together makes me feel like my life is different for that moment in which I read your story. I love it, and it was beautiful. Just keep posting stories like this, and you'll have a good following.

Posted 6 Years Ago



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Added on January 1, 2013
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Author

Nicaushio Yamaki
Nicaushio Yamaki

Japan



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Hello everyone, Anything you would like to know just ask me. more..

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