My Life Story part 7

My Life Story part 7

A Story by Nicaushio Espenvoll
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Next sequel coming soon!

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 My Life Story

Part 7

 

 

When something is so strong, and becomes fragile. Then only dusks of existence remains. I do not understand why so much is happening so quickly, but one thing for sure is the good old days were worth it. It was worth the good times in life worth living. However it seems that those days are gone forever, there is no turning back now.

 

                 The end of the society as we know it is about show its true devastating colors.                

 

 

 

Chapter 59 Another year

 

            It has been a while since I started writing my next story. A lot has happen since then in the last series. I guess you can say I got myself into a hole in places, which I should not have been in. Well I ended like I said in the last chapter; I ended up being in another relationship. This was one of the mistakes I had made in my life while attending school. As a result the relationship between me and the current person I dated has finally….come to an end. 

            As of right now, I do not know how long I will continue to write these stories. By all means I hope that, those that take out the time to read these stories which can perhaps learn from them. Not only that, but to become wiser in life. The things I speak about in this story as all true. Not a lot of authors as we know today would, take out the time in writing out about their lives. For me I am glad I started early, before things really become out of hand.  So I try to focus on the positive and the balance of trying reveal to my audience, I positive inspiration into their lives. For those of you that are, taking the time to read my stories---I really appreciate this and thanks for reading. I always like to start off with the first chapter to only talk about the situations, the pros and cons, and the consequences I could be or end up possibly.

 The year of 2013 has finally come around. During my current semester in school, I have been through a lot of struggling in my classes due to a headache relationship, which I recently two weeks back just got out of. You remember her; she is the same girl I dated back in the part six series. Well after the relationship ended, I began to find out a lot of mysteries things, which kept me wondering for so long. During the relationship with her, I started to feel worries and pain. They would always call me during my class time, and also text me random strange messages to me. I was very stressed out and in worries because of them. I tried to do everything I could to be there for her, I was always there for her even when she was in the hospital. I was told during the time period that, she was in the hospital. I had no idea why she was in the hospital for   approximately two, three or five months. The only thing I knew is everything that her brother Billy told me was not adding up. It was like dealing with a detective story, trying to piece clues that would endeavor to the causes, which happened in the stories he was telling me. Later on I found out that, Billy was NOT her real brother in real life. In the next chapter, all of this will better make since after I fill you in on the details later on. For right now, as for me trying to stay focused. I kept failing in both of my tests in speech. It was so insane, and on top of that I studied for it and everything. Maybe it was something I was not doing to better prepare myself for school success, for this semester. Although, I also felt like a failure and there was no way I was going to succeed. After a week ago of dropping my speech class, I thought at that point that I could focus on both my psychology and English class. Well, that turned out to be a little bit shaky for me. I went to my financial aid department, in concern of the effects from dropping one of my classes. The financial aid representative told me that my completion rate was not where it needed to be. So unless my rate is not up to at least a sixty- seven percent, I can be at a warning. The warning is that if a student drops a class, after so many effects to the completion rate, it can be placed on a warning. As a result if the student does NOT meet the academic requirements of pass the two courses dropped, then this can result in a suspension. This is not a good thing to be in at all. So t this time, after the score I made during my in class assignment, I felt really down and not very happy with the score I made. English was never a strong point, and it was never my weak point. I felt as if my focus was not completely as where it is supposed to be. At the same time I felt like”OMG!!! I am really going to fail this semester?!!!” But then I had to rethink what I said, and not give up. The only thing I had at this point was just doing the best that I can to make things happen. Also for now on I will try to write a couple of chapters here and there. This should help me to get back in focus with, my studies and in other things as well.

As during this semester I felt like I have either lost my focused touch in being successful, or just not really focusing on what I need to do cause of the problems, which has occurred. It seems like things are always happening to me. Without a clue of wondering why it happens. Lately also I have been dealing with a lot of work load of assignments while in college, this sets me to cause everything to draw back on me. At this stage I began to fall back on things that I needed to get done. I hope that I can get things done, and with some miracle of getting a passing grade this semester.  Currently right now, I am trying my best to pass my math class in school. The results of that so far has not been so good lately. I studied and everything and still nothing happen for me and as much as I sit in the soar institute studying, you would think I would do at least a little better.  The worst thing that has been putting me in disappointment is my quiz grades. The only thing I never get is most teachers would over look other students, just because they are not doing so well and honor the ones that do. It is like they assume that those students have enough chance in passing a class, as well as the students that are doing poorly. Not to mansion I got reported four times while being at Shelton State, that it is so ridiculous. In the next chapter I will explain about that and much more. I am sorry for the delays in my writing; it has been hectic since finishing my last book which was part six. A lot has happen since then even though, I miss writing and I am glad I am back. Another reason I have not been writing as much is not only just the fact of being busy with school, but also I spent my entire summer playing a game online on my computer called Wizard101. This game is like a multiplayer dueling 3D card game. You can choose which school wizard you like to be such as, Fire, ice, storm, myth (do not really like myth at all, but some say it is great), Life (some say life is a lot harder than Death school, but to be honest death school wizards are much harder than life), death (Death is a school I would not recommend, because it is hard to level being a death wizard and also not enough experience points) and lastly, balance. Balance and Ice seem to be the common popular schools, as well as other schools. Balance does a lot of damage than most schools do, and you level up instantly with being a balance wizard. So if you want my input, I would definitely try ice or balance. Also if you are interested in in playing this game, the website for this game is Wizard101.com. Now then, it is time to begin a new chapter for all of the things that has happen so far.

Chapter 60 Drama on imvu

            Usually I would hang out on imvu for a wild, in one of my favorite rooms. One room was called the game tap room. The one thing I know for sure, it seems popular because most of the users would enter in the room expecting some people, to be social. The things are most people act like a noob because they do not have common sense, to understand that any game room you go in no one ever talks. There was one game room I been into actually, It turns out during the past I got booted out for no reason. So every time I got booted out, I would either report the rooms or send an email to the owner of the room. I know it sounds stupid but, whenever I get kicked out of a room, it irritates me. I also saw that a lot of people assume that imvu is a game rather than a social chatting site. Some people that think like that are too much of a idiot or a noob combined, want to accept that. If imvu was a game, then it would be more than just a chatting website. However, imvu is not only just a chatting website, but it is also a place to design and create three dimensional avatars in different ways. Right now there are over approximately 38,190 million people online everyday around the clock, all over the world. It is crazy is it? Well I recently just quit getting on imvu, I did not tell anyone that I was quitting though. If I did then that would make me look stupid, to sound like more of trying to get people to see who would care if you quit then for those that pretty much would not give a care if you choose to quit. As for me I just quit. There are many reasons I quit imvu, for one reason on imvu. The first reason I quit was because people only want sex, then they always want someone to gift them. The second reason is because, people such idiots to not understand that imvu is NOT A GAME.  Real people are using their avatar real life. Thus playing with people’s hearts is not a game. The last reason is, most girls are always looking for sex and credits, or someone that can gift them. If you cannot gift them anything then they find others that will, instead of getting a job to gift them self of what they want. What is really messed up is, most people say that they are on imvu to have fun and not on to date and mess around. My opinion on that is, if they wanted to do that, to escape away from life? They can do all of this in real life, instead of sitting on a computer wasting their time. For those that are doing that right now, are only wasting their lives. Especially when if you want to have fun or mess around, all of this people can do that in real life if they wanted to. Instead of wasting six hours behind a computer doing it. Yet again most people do not see it that way. I recently got back on imvu and it seems like a fresh start for me, after not being on it in a year or so. Things felt different afterwards, I found a nice room that I could go in to hang out and relax online. During the times I stayed at home, I had nowhere to go or things to do. So I always hang out in my room a lot, on my computer every day. The only things I do at home is do choirs and relax. The only times I do get out of the house is to go to church or if a friend from church I used to go to, comes and picks me up to go places. Other than that, my life is always boring and the same routine as usual.

There was a game that I started playing more often called Wizard101. The game was fun and exciting; at first I started playing it without a membership. As a result, when I brought the membership, I started to play until I beat the entire game. Recently while I was playing it, I began to find out that there are a lot of mothers, but more grandmothers playing this game more, than college or high school students are. The crazy thing is, most of them are not very nice in the game. For those of you that, never heard of this game, allow me to explain. Wizard101 game is an online pc game, which is a 3D multi player dueling spell card game. It used to be for kids, however Kings isle games decided to, updated where it can be for all ages. Since then, the game has turned into a wreck. Also in the game I hate the most is PVP. PVP is a tournament match, which allows you to fight against other player wizards in the game. As a result, in PVP it is really heavy in there and not very nice people at all. One of my friends that joined that told me she won a match fair and square. Then the other players were being very inappropriate to her, after the tournament was over. The purpose of why I did not and never liked PVP wizards, is because they are not very nice. Their attitudes are very diabolical and no one likes them. What grinds my teeth even more is, they waste their money and membership only just in PVP, and then they either get offline or being a showoff. As for the remainder of the game, it would be best to get some friends or your mother etc….Someone you know and trust, which will help you quest together with your wizard character. Because it is much easier getting help that way, they to go all over the places like an idiot looking for help. When I first started playing this game, my ex-girlfriend introduced me to the game. At first I only signed up for it, because I wanted to spend some time with her. After few days later during that time period, she and I broke up. It is the same girl her name is Macy. After that, the longer I played the game, the more I grew to enjoy it a lot. So I became a member and continued playing. A friend was nice enough on the game, to buy me a membership card. So I took the membership and put it to good use. I have been through a lot in the game though, trying to ask for help and all. Well I guess during the times I spent playing it, was learning through trial and error. However since then, I been told by other players in the game that, I should raise a different wizard. However after how much pressure I been through just by playing with one wizard, I did not think I was ever going to make another one. I did try on making a balance wizard, but after that I stopped. Well at least until I could get some help with it. Suddenly a friend decided to quest on his Myth wizard, so I decided to guest with him with my balance wizard. However, since I had to go to my grandmother’s I was glad to get away from him, but at the same time, I did not want to go cause I was going to miss getting on the game and watching movies online. While playing the game, I would usually have IMVU open as well and Skype, so I can play and chat in between. However the game kept freezing or lagging, so I had no choice but to close out of IMVU and other application tabs I had open.  Most of the time in IMVU there are a lot of people playing a game called, League of Legends, rather than other games. Some would abbreviate the game title as “LOL.” Which we all often times see it and a lot of times do not.

 

Chapter 61: In between pressure

            Well everyone, Sorry it has took me so long to finish this story. For a while I had been distracted by other things, since I published part six of my latest novel. Also a lot of drama has happened as well, with family issues and school. I was not getting enough sleep like I should, so after a short period of time, it began to backfire on me. I had a hard to focusing in my math class. Every test I did I kept failing it repeatedly. For this purpose, I ended up dropping my math class even though, I did not want to. I left an email to my teacher notifying him, about my issues during my time of taking the course. Shortly after that, I was unable to take any more classes after that. Because my financial aid was suspended for the cause of dropping too many classes, during the times I attend at Shelton State. Normally during the time period, if I could not get a class for the first time, I would re-take it once again and pass it. However, as the tuition went up so has the rules. Shelton has also been a bit strict on the janitor as well. The story about the faculty accident is still being spread around, and later being twisted around. Fewer teachers are turning the story around, to make it seem like I am a threat. During the bus ride I met a math teacher named Jack. When I first saw him, I assumed he was nothing but a mere student attending a Shelton State. When I spoke to him for a while, he told me he was a math teacher, and he graduated from a school in the state of New York. Suddenly he started to enjoy being around me more often. In addition the same girl that I used to have math class with at one time, her name I think was….Well to be honest I cannot quite remember her name actually ha-ha. It has been a while since I ever seen her around. Normally she would come and go, and to be honest I did like her, until she had most of the guys hugging her weirdly around her. I left it alone afterwards, and moved on. I guess I was trying to get my groove on or just wanting to be silly like always ha-ha. Knowing me there is no telling, however, ever since I was hanging out with Jack and this other lady, which I go to church with, she started to feel lonely. Nevertheless do not really care at all. Either way none of that really mattered, the only thing that mattered most was for me to finish up so I could transfer to the college I wanted  attend too. I only have approximately five classes to go, before I get my associates degree.

            So with all of this being said I been busy and also distracted. Most of the time, I been playing a game called Wizard101 a lot more than I do play on my Play station three console. I guess you can say, the game is really that addicting than anything else. Gradually I am struggling to stop playing the game as much. No one really helps much and every time I come online, people are also asking me for help, when they want help with someone else. I have a friend I was working with on my balance wizard, if he at some point gives up on me, and then I will be moving to my console games. At least I can play games I know is free, without having to worry about having to worry about renewing a membership every single time. However since I enjoyed the game a lot, I decided to continue playing it. Even though I do not know how long I will continue on playing.

Another issue was with family and school. Well my mother and step dad have been, fighting a couple of days ago. Then my step father had an issue with me, claiming that I was waking him up from sleeping. He was trying to get rest for work the next early morning. He gets up sometimes extremely early in the mornings. One time I went to take the dog out to go to the bathroom, he came in while I was cooking a little something to eat and got pushy to me about cooking things early in the morning. On top of that, he did not tell me that I disturbing him from getting some rest. When I tried to tell him about it, he got rude with me and told me that I should know about that. In addition, he goes on acting pushy about it. The only thing I told him was that I apologized, and it would never happen again. So after that he left and came back complaining about how he could not sleep because, of the noise I was making apparently. When he came back to complain to me once more, I figured in my mind that, he could have went back to sleep by now. Instead he complains to me once more about it.

            A week ago on the month of December, I called my grandmother wanting to know if I can come over for the holidays. She told me she needed to get things situated first, before I could come to spend a night with her. Finally my grandmother called and told me, that she was going to pick me up by Friday this month.  At the same time I did not want to go, but I had to get out of the house. I felt that all I do is stay at home while everyone is gone for days on end. The only time I could leave the house is either going to church or going to school. School was the only freedom I had other than staying at home. In addition is because I felt that, my mother’s husband Joe wanted to be in control of everything. He would go and tell my mother things and she would either call me if she needs something done around the house or get on to me about something stupid I may or might have done. On top of that she always calls and talks to her husband and never once called me, to see if I was dead or alive. I was not very happy on the other hand; I became more depressed and a bit cranky with so many unnecessary rules. I felt like with Joe around I had no freedom and I felt uncomfortable being around him. Things gotten so bad that times, I never would as much as look at him. A question everyday pops up into my mind, day by day. The question was is why my mother puts up with him? Also, what does my mother see in him, to a point where she does not want to let go? Well I kind of found the answer for it, but at the same time, I felt that the answer was not enough to satisfy the equation. So I began to dig deeper. So much that it makes me wonder why so many girls, would rather be with a man that treats people like trash and abusive, rather than with someone that really wants a good relationship and happy family. I spoke to a few people online about it, but it seems that they all have common answers as well as getting on to something interesting. I guess an answer is better than no answer. My main reason for coming to my grandmother’s house is to get out of the house for a while, even though it was going to be boring with no internet. So with all of this being said, this is all that has been happening to me lately. Once again sorry it has took me so long to finish this book, but I am glad to be back. During the story, I may have more things that happened to me during the time I been away. Stay tuned and find out.

Chapter 62: Behind the hidden scenes

            Have you ever wonder why some people make excuses all the time, like they usually do? Do you feel like you were put in a position where, no one wants to help you? So instead they hide behind stupid excuses that you will hear in everyday? Well I sure do.

            During the time I was over to my grandmother’s house, I guess you can say, enjoying the weekend until some issues came up. I feel like I said more to my grandma than I was bargain for, about what was going on at home. During the time period of stay with my grandmother, I began to tell her about some of the things that went on at home. I even went so far to show the arguments that they had on my device to her as well. My grandmother did not understand as well as me of why, does she put up with him.  I told her about the agreement that me and Joe had, over a question he asked me. The question he asked me was, about have I ever thought about getting a job. During that time period, I began to say in the back of my mind “Have he ever thought about helping me get my driver’s license?” The agreement got started between me and him over that question. So I started to say something’s to him, because I got tired of him trying to control things around the house. On top of that he judges me about some of the everyday things, which I do around the house. At this point that is when I got tired and decided to call, my grandma to see if I can spend the holidays with her. Because I got tired of staying in the house all of the time, the only time I get out is when my friend comes over to pick me up from my house. I felt also guilty and ashamed, while at the same time everyone’s success is laughing in my face and rubbing it in. My friend Jay always spends money for me and him to go out to eat and stuff. He even brought me a game I wanted for my birthday; it was really nice of him. I just turned twenty five this past September of this year. During the times I been over to my grandmother’s house, I was not only bored but everything I try to find interesting to watch on television, she always acts diabolical about it. She would always say she did not like this or that movie, because it was either too childish or too violent. The only shows that she ever watches is, court shows and crime scene shows. They always talks about someone getting shot or getting arrested for second or third degree murder or assault etc. The thing that annoys me the most is, she always fusses at the TV when they are doing things they should not. Me personally, I got tired of always listening to someone getting killed and or getting arrested all of the time. Not to mansion they always show probably back to back episodes anyway. At this point I wanted to go home, but then thanks to my mother, for ruining it with her emotional sensitive talk. My mother texted me about the glass mirror table that, I broke since the time I was there. She said I hurt her feelings, because I took the table along with the mirror and threw it out. When she texted me this, I felt sad like everything was too late for me in life. As crazy as this sound, that was how it affects me when my mother starts acting emotional.

            During the time I was still over to my grandmother’s house, I started to feel depressed. Well if you want to call it depression, however it was like a sink bothered type of feeling. I felt like I had no chance of living a life of success. All of these years I have lived, I felt like it was all for nothing. There been times I tried to rethink my strategy but could not come up with nothing, I tried talking to my mother about my application for a school, that I wanted to transfer too. However all my mother did was talked the entire time and she never gave me the opportunity to explain farther. I did text her just explaining to her about the application, and I needed to pay the fee for it before it expires on a certain time. This was not meaning that I was going to start classes right away, the reason I needed to pay it because when I turn it in, the admissions could revaluate it and make changes. In addition, they can tell me which classes I need to take that I have left. On top of that, I have been struggling trying to find someone to help me get my license. I ask my mother on occasions, but she always tells me to ask Joe. Later on I figured out that, the reason why she kept telling me to ask him. It was considered the fact that, both cars were in his name and my mother did not have a car she could call her own. I even tried to ask my biological father about helping me get my license, but as I was talking to him about it, he started to get rude and tells me to find someone else to help me. As for my grandmother, I spoke to her about it but, all she can do is bring up the past which is not really helping as much at all at this point. I told her about some of the things I had to go through at home, considering the guy my mother married which is Joe. After I spoke with her about it, my grandmother tells me that, the reason she puts up with him is because she depends on him. It was I thought an interesting point, but I never quoted her on it. Even though she might be on to something, I still had to keep that in mind. Mostly my grandmother was so focused on what my mother told me, about my real father named Steven. I told her that I had or knew nothing about Steven, just only about Joe. I told her that my mother always talks about it to me, when things do not go right between her and him. I know that whatever went on at home stays at home, I was just cranky and I got tired of sitting at home all of the time. So then during the time I spoke with my mother about the application to an art college, that I wanted to go to…She  I guess told me she was not going to help me. I do not really know, but the only thing she told me was, she had to let me find things out for myself. What bothered me was, it was not fair that she is staying at a Fortis nursing university school and in a dorm, and then she tells me how expensive it is. At the time I was talking to her it did not come to mind to tell her, but at the same time she will act emotional and sensitive about it. After going through the trouble of writing the essay explaining why I wanted to transfer to Art Institute College and also I went through the work and trouble to get an official copy of my transcript, so I could turn it in as well.

            Okay, for those of you that do not understand allow me to explain. The school I wanted to transfer to was to Art Institute College. I recently during the time I was in school, signed up for some information on how to get enrolled into the school after I transfer. So I figured that they would send me a book or a pamphlet or something that would be useful in helping me. Well recently during that time, when I was in school, I got a call from a counselor in the Art Institute College in Pittsburgh Pennsylvania. The counselor and I started talking and he told me everything I needed to know. After questions and finding out the things I needed to know, the counselor transferred me to, the Art Institute in Atlanta Georgia. From there I spoke with one lady on the phone, her name was Ms. Holly.  She was very nice lady. She helped me with parts of the application and her and I went over the website she sent me on yahoo email.  When it was clear that I needed to do was pay a fifty dollar fee to submit the application in, I spoke with my mother about it 2 weeks ago last month of November. My mother did tell me that, she was going to come up with the money so that, I can turn in the application.  However she never did and also she did not want to even look at what I went over with the counselor. All she wanted to see were the costs of me trying to get into the college. Then she tells me how expensive it was, when she is already enrolled in an expensive nursing school herself. The problem with my mother was, it was not so much that she did not want to let me go neither was it hard to do so, it was considering the fact that she kept moving from one school to the next school. The first school she went too was Stillman College. She kept coming home complaining to her friend on the phone or to her husband Joe, about how bad the teachers were and the school system. She also kept complaining about how the fact that they messed up her transcript. During the times when things were not working out, she made a statement about the school was going to get sewed. So during the times she was picking me up from school, she spoke about that and some other things when she was on the phone. So finally I found out that the school got sewed. Some of the students in school were making rumors about how the nursing program, which was only designed for students that were majoring in nursing. After that my mother moved from Stillman College to another school called Bellville State Community College. This was her second school she moved to after so much time searching on which school to go to. The school was pretty descent, and it had very nice people there too. My mother spoke good things about both the school and the people that worked there. However she never mansion about the students though, I guess that were genuine people too I suppose. Well…During the times that my mother was going to the school, I started going in with her and sit in the library. I started going with her everyday just to get out of the house, and everything was going good until one day something else came up. I do not remember what really happen between her and in the school she was going to at the time; I just knew that things I think never worked out. So from there she stopped going to Bellville State and moved to another school. However at the same time, she was applying in both schools, it was Bellville and to UAB. In UAB she was talking online classes form Birmingham. Lastly she went from there to moving all of the way to another school in Montgomery Alabama. During the times she was there, she was still complaining about the teachers giving her problems. The only things I heard her talk about, was about some of the issues she was having with some of the other students. Sometimes it is issues going on with her roommate she lives with in her dorm. Something about religion spirits acting up towards her from other people from a dream she had concerning her roommate. As strange as it sounds I know, but it is what all I heard at the time.

            On December 27, 2013, I used my grandmother’s landline phone, to contact my mother. I wanted to try to talk to her into helping me with my college application. Unfortunately, things did not quite go as well as I thought. My mother basically told me that, she was not going to help me through school anymore. She told me that I needed to work for it and be able to pay for my own expenses for school. If I remember correctly, my step father told my mother after the argument him and I had, that he was not going to take me to school anymore. After she told me this, I felt like it was going down the drain. By the way my mother responded to me, she did not seem to care about me anymore or helping me. At first I thought, maybe my mother and my little sister were in on it or it could be either she told a few people on the phone about me and wanted to act based upon their suggestions. My sister was always the type that, had suggestions so convincing that she can be on to something. On the other hand, my mother had been acting differently since we moved to another church and ever since she got married to another guy. Still the same guy, just things had not been the same between me and my mother. It was like the relationship we once had vanished. She never calls me to see how I was doing. Then considering my step father is not going to take me anywhere anymore, I do not know how I was going to be able to get around. The only two things are transportation and a cell phone. These two things were the only two things that bothered me the most. I tried to talk to my grandmother about some things, maybe to help get it off my chest but, even that did not help any. As a child coming up, I never had anyone to spend time with me, or to talk me traveling or to other places before. I always stayed at home all of the time. The only time I left home was going to church and to school. Thus school was the only freedom I had to go and interact with other students, which wanted to communicate. When the time comes for me to go, I hated going back home because, it was like being put in a cage all over again. My grandmother made a statement once, saying that she tried to get me to stay with her, but I kept going back and forth. The reason for that was, my mother wanted me to go to my grandmother’s house for a while, because my step father and my mother were not able to take me to school because if the schedule they had.  So I went and stayed with my grandmother for a few days until, they had a chance to work things out at home. Shortly after that me and my step father, got into an argument over a stupid job. Later after the argument, we apologized and moved on. I did tell my mother about it, but only just talking to her about it. I did not attend for it to be a big get together, and to talk about it. After all I figured since him and I apologized for it, what is the point. On top of that he made a statement saying that he would never take me anymore, so I think that maybe encouraged me to tell her about it. However, I just wanted to be just something to talk about, I was not trying to spread division in the house hold. So anyway, after I got off the phone with my mother, I felt like my whole life is going down the drain. I felt like I had no way out in life to, succeed. The only thing that was putting a limit on me was transportation. Also even if I had a ride to get me, I would not have a cell phone to call anyone to let them know when I would be off of work. More importantly how long will it last? Even though it will not last long….As I am sitting her typing this, my heart feels like I have failed miserably and mentally. In addition to that, I called my biological father for help. Well that did not turn out so good, he was started to act aggressive and refused to help me.

Just think for a minute, imagine if you were in my shoes for a second. You have no help from no one not even from your biological father. Your mother marries a stranger you have no clue who it is, then when you ask for help, you get help from the guy your mother marries and then he stops helping you. When you speak to your mother about it, she always makes up excuses to cover him. What is really hard is it is, you mother never calls or sees if you are dead or alive. I know that some of you might come up with suggestions and say, “Dude you are twenty five years old, you are old enough to take care of yourself.” When really another way to look at is in two ways, people that make statements like that, do not understand what that person has went through and also They do not understand the whole story, about how you been through so much already. The plan I had for myself was, I wanted to transfer to the Art Institute College, after I was done with my associate’s degree in a local community college. The only thing I needed was help paying off the fee for my college application. My mother refused to help me, and so did my step dad and the others. I felt not only damaged but everything I worked hard for is backfiring on me in a worst possible way. During the time I been thinking over and over, I came to a conclusion of almost giving up. It was like my life and all of the hard work I put in to trying to succeed, is not paying off for me. I felt like my life was useless and it was not point in going on anymore. Things at that point got really bothersome for me that, I felt that if I just walked out of the house and never came back, that my mother would not care at all. Just like the times, when I ran away from home twice because I felt that my mother did not care about me anymore. The only person I really missed was Jeremiah Lugwisha. Jeremiah used to be one of my step dads from the past. He was a really good one at that and at least he really cared about my education, even though at the time, I was acting careless.  He was the only step dad that never been married nor had any kids. However, what I liked moved of all is, he was the only step dad, that really cared about me….Unlike the others my mother has been with by far. For they all seem really useless and they only wanted things for their own benefits, rather than wanting to help. Jeremiah was from Africa, he was very smart and such an awesome step dad that, I wish I could have back once again. As of the way things are right now, I feel like my life is at the end of the road. I could ask my friend Jay for help but, he is getting married soon and off for a good life and a family of his own. I really did enjoy the good times that me and my best friend Jay had together, even when him and I are in church cleaning the bathrooms together. Me and him always goofed around a lot and still got things done on time. Another best friend I had was Jeff Harless. Ha-ha boy did him me and Jay Claybrook had a blast at this one concert we went too. I was in the mosh-pit with the rest of the kids and head banged until I could not any more. It was awesome! Right now I have done a lot of thinking and it is really difficult a little bit, when you barely get out of the house a lot. The only time I would leave the house was, if my friend Jay would come to pick me up. At this point as I am typing this, I am doing my best to not give up hope at the moment. So much stuff is happening so fast that it makes you wonder what will be next.

Chapter 63: Success or failure

            I really hope I can get through this life. It seems like the more I try the harder things get, for it is already hard enough to not get any support from anyone close to you. I am sure of that I am not the only one, which feels that way. That is a good thing I suppose. During the times I kept thinking over repeatedly, for a plan to help me get through it always brings me to a brick wall. I tried asking for help but, it seems no one will support me enough to get to where I need to go in life. Especially when you have a so called family, that is closer to you. It is bad enough that parents now days do not understand what a child is going through already or suffering though. As of right now I even tried talking to my grandmother about it but, all she does is bring up the past about opportunities I should have took at the time. Unfortunately, other than that it was no point in talking to her about other things anymore. Needless to say, my grandmother do not understand what I been through in my life already. Talking to my mother was no point anymore, since she decided not to help me in anyway. My wild guess would be is, her and my little sister might have been talking since either on their way getting here or since I had been away from home for so long. My only wish is to be success if any way it is possible. I wanted to be a successful Japanese artist, move to japan and start a new life of my own. I even wanted to get a care of my own so I can be independent. However most of all, I will never forget the one person that helped me; first it is Jesus Christ and second is Jeremiah Lugwisha. I will wish that he and my mother got back together again. As life goes on I guess it way too late for that now. Looking at some of the people today, even some I see in school. Their success is shining bright on them to no end, and then at the same time I am struggling to succeed while theirs is laughing in my face. Overall, I will never forget those two that really helped and cared about me. Sometimes I always asked myself that me still living on this earth is such a waste. So much that if I had of passed away long time ago, then my life would have never turned out like this. As a child growing up, I been through a lot and my childhood was also crappy and not much to speak of. As I grew up my life started to experience changes. Things were getting so bad to the point that even talking to others about my problems did not help much at all. I guess at a time I am in right now, it is one of those times where you have to tough it out and learn through trial and error. Everything up until now has been a slap in my face all over again. It seems that everything is going down the drain for me. No matter how I tried nothing works, for it is like an endless cycle all over again.

 

Thanks everyone for taking out the time, to read my stories. This may be my last time writing my stories. Hopefully I can continue in the mere future, from five years from now maybe. Hopefully by that time, I would have some things accomplished. Thus even though there is so much to talk about it, a lot is going on right now and starting the next chapter….it will be longer like the rest of the  parts of My Life Story series by far. I hope that this has helped those that read it, something in life which will help you become wiser in your own choices. I also hope that most of you fine my stories interesting. I do not know how long I will continue to write these stories, however for those of you that read them; I hope you find them enjoyable and interesting.

For now this will be the ending of My Life Story for now. For those of you, that still wishes to check out more stuff, visit writerscafe.org/naoku009 or . The next new story I will be working on is called Nightmare. It is a horror action thriller based on a government project, which is a toxic infection that spreads throughout the world. However, not necessarily the whole world is infected, just in parts. Anyway it will be interesting indeed. I created Birth of chaos, but that was just only a Single EP. So right now I will be working on SWICK next new album soon and also a new novel called Nightmare. As for Nightmare series, I actually put a little though into the name title for my next new novel story. I did not want the story title to be direct, so I decided to call it Nightmare to make it interesting. If I ever come up with another name for the title, it is bound to change soon. For right now, Nightmare will be the official title for now. We will see how the title turns out along the way. Anyway Good bye for

Oh! Also I will still be working on Birth of Chaos series for now, so please enjoy it. It will be a while before I began Nightmare series. The Nightmare series is going to be a sequel from Birth of Chaos.  Well good bye for now, until next time!

To be continued….

 

            

© 2015 Nicaushio Espenvoll


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Added on August 27, 2015
Last Updated on September 13, 2015

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Nicaushio Espenvoll
Nicaushio Espenvoll

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