Compulsive Thoughts

I rant a bit. This poem is more blunt than the other ones. It's about death and not being able to control my thoughts.

I remember a dream I had when I was eight

It really disturbed me

A strange humanoid creature was slowly cutting my cousin's throat

when I woke up I couldn't stop thinking about it

For a month I kept getting flashbacks from it

Slowly 

I forgot about it

I've had a few weird violent dreams as a kid

A lot of dreams about death and dying

or angels and demons

I had an overactive imagination that i tamed when I was around 13 years old

I started having these dreams around 1996 or 1997

Along with these compulsive thoughts

I was overly sensitive to seeing blood

It'd send me into this frenzy of violent thoughts

I felt bad

His death was not bloody or violent

It was weirdly quiet

Usually death is I think

quick and quiet

But dying is different

I saw it happen

Sometimes I don't believe it

that I ever had a brother 

that died

life just doesn't feel real