Pigmented

Literally just wrote this right now, so there are probably some mistakes. But please read and please enjoy it.

Are you in pain like me?
Living in an intoxicating bubble that invokes madness.
Wanting to be set free,
But the shade is at its blackest.

Dark as midnight,
The starry sky is a blur.
Waiting for life to take flight,
Have you ever wondered who you were?

Everything is grey.
Only hearing whispers of self-doubt,
Having led you astray.
Are your eyes yet in a drought?

Red, the color rushing out of you
The wound is scarcely gaping
If only they knew,
That there is no escaping.

Are you in pain like me?
Living in an intoxicating bubble that invokes madness.
Wanting to be set free,
But the shade is at its blackest.

Author's Note

Ignore the mistakes please :-) if you can, drop a comment and share your thoughts!

Reviews

[JayG]

• Are you in pain like me?

How can a reader know? You're focused on the symptoms—the effect. But without knowing cause can the reader either answer, or empathize?

You're reader isn't looking to know how someone feels. They want you to make them feel.

You're thinking in terms of informing the reader, when you should be placing them in your bootprints, made to feel what the character does.

[Natehy]

I asked the question to the readers who can relate. I don't think all poems need to be so complex, although it's much more beautiful that way. I wrote it in a simple way because that is the way I wanted it to be without much context. I used the colors to describe bits and parts of pain that "demands to be felt". Yes, I definitely do understand where you are coming from and your input is very helpful for the long-run, but this poem 100 percent intentional.

[Coyote Poetry]

I liked the questions asked in the poetry. The poem had the feel of personal thoughts. Your words direct, honest and true. The best kind. Thank you Natehy for sharing the amazing poetry.
Coyote

[Shannon]

I enjoyed your original word usage in several places. You already know my favourite.

In poetry be cautious you about reusing words like 'only'

[ReedWrite]

Rich with imagery in an odd sort of way...your poem pushes the reader to look inside...answering the question you start and end with...Are you in pain like me? That question sparks us to want to read more...to know if there is a kindred soul out there that identifies with our own pain...and ending with that same question, leaves us hanging...looking within...wondering. Nicely done.

[Asya Kardzhaliyska]

There's a real sense of emotion that seeps through this poem, and you have some truly beautiful imagery; and your use of rhetorical questions works perfectly. Keep up the good work!

[mournful bear]

'are your eyes in drought?' great, great!! i have had these thoughts! it reads brilliantly how the emotions spill, splutter and fade away into the dark silence that is "deepression" because it is a deep dark place for some of us!!!!!! thank you for your penning, great emotions in there!!!!!!

[Inject Positivity]

There is a sense of pain and depression in the Poet's words. I think it is something that relates to most of the people these days. I think the most important thing you did here is projecting the pain in different ways to help the reader understand whether he or she goes through the same pain. The repetition of the first stanza takes us back to the beginning where the poet started telling us about the pain... Very good write...

[Harley Quinn]

I got sucked n while reading this. Beautiful.

[Natehy]

Thank you so much :-)