Suffocating

Suffocating

A Poem by Natehy
"

It's a harsh but fast write. It may not make any sense, but it does to me. Please read and enjoy my poem!

"
I am growing old.
Not too old,
But older than the clock that's stricken twelve.
I listen to the sweet bells chiming,
As if my time has already come.
I might die young.
Who knows ?
The future; the time is fleeting,
But it can't be told.
My beating chest suffers
The wedge of a sadness;
It evokes pain.
I feel it's strong grasp;
Crushing.
It grabs ahold and keeps me still.
It is choking the circulation of
beats per second.

© 2017 Natehy


Author's Note

Natehy
Drop your thoughts in the comment box. :-)
Excuse any grammar problems I missed.

My Review

Would you like to review this Poem?
Login | Register




Reviews

Time does move too quickly. I liked your thoughts and the feel of the body and mind feeling the weight of time. Thank you Nately for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

Posted 6 Years Ago


This is a very powerful piece, and the length of it really helps to carry forward the message! I've always been a fan of this kind of confessional poetry as I've felt this way before, so thank you for sharing!

Posted 7 Years Ago


You're going to hate me, but there is a name for this kind of poetry, in which we're told that all is darkness, and love is pain. They cal it dismal damsel, and such poetry abounds in high school and college lit mags.

The problem isn't with the emotion, it's that you're not involving the reader, you're lecturing them.

Turn it around and bring them in. Make them feel, not just know. You have the power, by your choice and placement of words, to make someone you will never meet cry, laugh, or in all ways react. And that's amazing, when you think about it.

So instead of talking to them, push THEIR emotional buttons. Make them cry, instead of going for them saying, "Awww...poor baby," about you.

Use vivid, evocative language that sings to your reader.

As I so often suggest, I think you might benefit from reading the excerpt to Stephen Fry's, The Ode Less Traveled, on Amazon. He's primarily addressing structured poetry, but what he has to say about the flow of words has the power to transform yours.

Hang in there, and keep on writing.

Posted 7 Years Ago


[send message][befriend] Subscribe
BBP
Time is a m**********r!!! Scares us all and can have you seeing the end at any moment.

Time is as fragile as an eggshell and we are all afraid it's gonna break just by breathing on it!

Nice write!

Posted 7 Years Ago


life sometimes is suffocating ,we do grow old,and we do get concerned about our end,but real life we don`t worry about it

Posted 7 Years Ago



Share This
Email
Facebook
Twitter
Request Read Request
Add to Library My Library
Subscribe Subscribe


Stats

419 Views
5 Reviews
Rating
Added on April 28, 2017
Last Updated on April 28, 2017
Tags: #growing, #fleeting, #life, #poetry, #sad, #pain, #imagery

Author

Natehy
Natehy

Long beach , CA



About
I really just hope that whoever reads my poems or just writing in general will soak in the stanzas for a cool second. more..

Writing
Evanescence Evanescence

A Poem by Natehy


The Middle The Middle

A Poem by Natehy



Related Writing

People who liked this story also liked..


The Key The Key

A Poem by Stacy Purvis


Sandpaper Sandpaper

A Poem by Ruth


Parasite of itself Parasite of itself

A Poem by .