Cause My Heart Belongs Only To You

Dedicated to my best friend. Little sappy, but it's how I feel, and that doesn't deserve to be taken lightly.

            I won’t trust anyone else with this, so I hope you’re ready for the responsibility. You’re the one person I can rely on, out of everything, out of anything, no matter who I become or where you might be. I might fall in love dozens of times, in and out quicker than you can count to three on your dear, familiar fingers, but this will always remain in your keeping. I might love and hate my sisters as we betray and find ourselves betrayed, as we find the world’s not quite big enough for the three of us, but those hurtful words will never find you where you are. I might cry and cry at the mistakes I will make and have made and are making, over and over again, but my heart will remain whole as it rests in your hands.

            I won’t trust anyone else with this, so I hope you’ll be ready to take a plane ride at 3 in the morning when I call you on the phone, holding back sobs, and tell you I need it. Whether I need it to cut it up into insignificant pieces, whether I need it to cuddle and serve as my pillow, whether I need it to stare at and wonder how it became so ugly, I hope - no, I know - you’ll be ready to rush to my side and keep it beating. I hope you’ll be able to hold it balanced out while I stare up at the stars, unable to feel the blood pumping through my veins, unable to feel anything at all, even the unwavering support that is you.

            I won’t trust anyone else with this, so I hope you realize that when I scream at you for taking it so far away I’m not really mad, I’m just lonely. I hope you realize when I wake up with the taste of ashes in my mouth and refuse to answer your calls I’m not pushing you away, I’m letting myself think. I hope you realize when you wake up at night and find you don’t want to carry it anymore, the burden I’ve tossed recklessly into your capable hands, that it’s alright to give it back and turn your back so you won’t see me cry.

            I won’t trust anyone else with this but my best friend, better than any lover, better than any sister, better than any boss or acquaintance or mentor or stranger. I won’t trust anyone else with this but you, and I hope you realize that when I'm talking about 'it' what I really mean is my heart, and that I’d do the same and more for you.

Author's Note

This is what comes of being lonely and being loved. (c) Neko Green 2010

Reviews

[chaffy]

Amazing.. something I would and am reading over and over.. it is really good and filled with deep emotions.. i loved this.. your expressions like fall in and out of love before i count to 3 with my fingers.. it makes this piece was serious writing happy without losing the serious feel.. good job! :)

[Michael X]

wow, this is truthful, heartfelt and sentimental, you've created a sincerity
that feels like it comes from the depth of a heart that has perhas overcome
major struggles to overcome and be even stronger. over all great job