Contemplations

A Story by Nia Hope

"Do it! I f*****g dare you don't be a b***h take me out if your not scared." He shouted to himself.
            "What about Martha? And mom and dad and Andy? What about everyone on your soccer team? They all need you." He said trying to reason with himself. He was alone, pacing in his bedroom with his hands on his head.
            "It will be easy. Just look at your legs it's just that easy. Don't be a p***y prove all of those b******s        wrong! They don't need you."
"Both of you shut up!" He said louder than the other voices. He sighed deeply and sat on his bed twirling the knife around in his hand. He stood back up and left the knife on the bed, pacing again. "Is it worth it to stay?"
            "Of course not. They don't deserve you. All they ever do is take advantage of you."
            "Stay. You have such a good life and much more good is to come."
            "Would anyone even miss me?"
            "They wouldn't miss you just what you can do for them and what they can take from you."
            "Of course they would. Martha loves you so very much an who knows what kind of trouble Andy would get into without you. Your parents can't handle Andy by themselves they need you. You're the star player. Everyone on that soccer team looks up to you."
            He sat silently again but didn't touch the knife.
            "Why stay? It's not like you've helped anyone at all by being here. Get out of their way. It's just on final slice of the skin. Hell you could just hang yourself if you wanted to. It would be a whole lot less messy you're not worth that much mess."
            "But you have helped others. More than you realize and your family is so proud of you. Even Martha is as well as all of your friends. You've always been there for all of them and the world needs more people like you."
            "Stop it! Stop it! Just stop!" He growled aloud, picking up the knife and cutting himself once on the wrist. "I'm so sick of this. I'm so done with this fighting in my mind and I can't do it anymore." He sobbed, "I can't do it. There's only one thing to do now."
            He sighed heavily and sat for a moment. He wasn't really thinking but he wasn't just staring blankly either. He was just sitting and trying to stop the tears flowing but he just couldn't. He sat and cried for what felt like hours and during that time he picked up the knife one last time, and threw it in his garbage can and told it "You've caused me way too much trouble". He didn't feel much better, but not much worse either. He knew what he had to do to end all of this. He walked down to the laundry room and stood in front of the closed bleach jug. He stared and stared and walked away.

            As he came from the laundry room he caught the eye of his mother. "Sweetheart what's wrong?" She asked. He didn't want to speak, nor did he have to. "Oh." She said sympathetically and understandingly as any mother should as she embraced her now sobbing son.
            "I just can't anymore. I can't fight anymore. I don't want to die momma the voices don't stop I don't wanna go!" He sobbed into his mother's shoulder and she stroked his hair to comfort him.
            "You never had to go and you certainly don't need to die. We all love you okay? You can always talk to us about anything." She told him.
            "I love you guys too." He smiled through his tears, happy to hear someone giving him a reason to stay.

© 2013 Nia Hope

Author's Note

Needed the colors to differentiate the two sides of the argument even though it was one person. Thanks for reading :)

My Review

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Reviews

Lyn Anderson

This is a really well written internal struggle. And I mean, really well written. However, I would say the colours are too distracting. It can be differentiated with either an indent for one side or italics - it would make it easier to read, just with a preface that this is his inner voice, so the first line clearly states that is him talking to himself. The other part can answer as in:
But what about Martha ...says a quiet, more insistent voice, etc.
Honestly though, it is really really good, just that bit of tweaking.