Tired Eyes

I dismiss it as a lack of sleep,

Buts its so hauntingly more deep.

A little shut eye just subsides my shame.

But a lack of devotion ,

And life’s unfriendly motions,

Make every nights’ journey the same.

 

I’m pining for pleasure,

But unyielding weather,

Keeps blowing my chances away.

With good chance that I’m lonely,

Its my bed that will hold me,

And keep me away from the day.

 

What might have been,

Just wont let me win.

I’ve been laying here for more than a week.

But its here that ill stay,

Sleeping my tired eyes away,

Until my outlook stops looking so bleak.

 

Now I’m cold from lack of being dressed,

And my back hurts from this old mattress,

So ill hurl myself onto the floor.

And walk outside into the world,

To have a smoke and to explore,

All the things that I’ve thought

But will dwell on no more.

Author's Note

im not really sure what i think of this one yet but your opinion would be nice.

Reviews

[Zatoichi]

You are a much better writer than this poem suggests. You have poetic instincts that you should trust and work within. We all have our off moments; it's been ten years since you wrote this; you should give it some thought and a good polishing, or throw it away. Half-assed tends to accentuate the a*s in a most unflattering way.

[Amit Parmessur]

You write well.
Far from the world of rejections, we are ready to help maximum people get published.
I do suggest you submit a few poems to Golden Apple for our future issues.
We are looking for and considering submissions right now.

Regards,
Golden Apple Ezine Team

Read our guidelines at
http://goldenappleezine.blogspot.com/

[indu]

Things may not be at the best.Same stuff over and over. But ur heart yearning for something new. the life is so cold. Yet the feeling of something fresh out there. Time to step out of the door.

[bbb]

I really like the flow and rhyme scheme of this poem. The subject matter is even better. A detailed expression of the effects of depression, and finally getting sick enough of it to do something else. Nicely done.

[Leech Wife]

Your words dance. Although slightly melancholy, there is something about it that is still almost beautiful.

Great write.

[Marie Harrison]

Man, it has depression written all over it. That's what depression is like you just don't want to get out of bed. You have no energy or ambition at all. No matter how much you sleep, it's never enough to be fully awake. It's horrible. What a great job you did.

[manchilld99]

This is the most hopeful thing!

After, or in the midst of this bout with depression, which so far you have been losing, the human spirit at once tires of being tired, cold, and lonely, gets up, and pulls you out of bed. and you walk out into the world ready to subject yourself to its rigors once again. So many people need to know that this will happen for them too, if only they will let it.

[Senseless whatever]

Good write. I like the flow and rhyme scheme you used here. Taking the reader from a 'depressed' state to 'time to move' on. Not super emotional just matter of fact feel to this. Again Nice!

[Cassiopia Summers]

This is a great poem. I like the sequences of events that happens from within the poem.

[BreedsWithDragons]

the first half of this reminds me of being an insomniac.
cool.