The Same Tune

I have a heavy heart and I don't know what to do. (I'm such a cliche)

I play the same tune over and over in my head.

I just can't shake that feeling.

I am not sure what that feeling is.

I just know I won't it to leave.

Do you ever feel like crying?

You just know it won't do you any good.

I feel I am not good enough.

I feel like you would be better off without me.

Maybe it's because your so perfect, 

I am not worthy of you.

Maybe it's because your so perfect,

I am not worth a second look.

The same tune is playing over and over in my heart.

I just can't shake that feeling.

I am not sure what that feeling is.

I just know I won't it to leave.

I wish I knew the right way to feel.

I wish I knew the right things to say.

You could do so much better. 

Someone else could give you what I can't.

I love you with every ounce of my heart.

You know I find you so special.

You know I would do anything for you.

I don't know that I am the right person to do that.

I wish I could get my head out of this.

I wish nothing more than to make you happy.

I just wish I knew what to do.

I wish I could rewrite the tune I keep hearing.

Reviews

[Jordan's Back]

This is a Remarkable piece of inner turmoil and confusion, maybe the person your writing about sees you as perfect in their own estimation, That means He accepts you for you and you dont have to do anything but accept him back. We are often times our own critics and we are the hardest on ourselves than anybody else, But remember these feelings, although they are scary, need to be dealt with so that you don't let love slip you by. Excellent job!

[Ahmad Cox]

Such a beautiful and honest take on the inner turmoil we have to deal with in our lives at one point or the other.

[Lily Mae]

I felt this way myself and you penned it very well.. that last line seals the poem with such powerful emotion...xo

[Krista Weiss]

Wow!! Great poem! :)

[Phillitup]

SUGGESTIONS: I'll start off with something that nobody has mentioned but lies plainly within sight. Last line of the very first stanza. I believe you mean want instead of won't. I noticed that really early on. If you honestly meant to write the word won't then I should be honest and tell you that it doesn't make any sense that way. Just saying. Other then that one word, I didn't notice anything amiss. Meaning I did not notice any other flow, poetic air, punctuation, and spelling errors. Of course that is not to say that they most certainly do not exist. They might but if they do I didn't notice them.

EMOTIONS: Well, pretty obviously you have heartbreak and hurt. Want, desire. All the basics get spelled out. Nicely done. I do have to say that I felt that feeling that you describe but can't explain. I get a feeling that is completely impossible to face or describe once and a while. I feel like I should write more in the emotions section of the review. This poem speaks so strongly of this utter confusion with ones own feelings and thoughts. We must always try to be at peace and our minds organized but as humans it just doesn't happen. I believe that we are all stuck in some sort of thought at one tome or another, constantly asking questions and searching high and low for answers we want to hear. Some answers we get are much the opposite though. I hope your spirits lift and you find a piece of peace in your mind.

COMMENTS: One must call to light the utter disorganization of beautiful thoughts in some pieces. This poem, on the other hand, is beautifully laid out. We are directed in the way of the minds. I apologize if I do not make much sense right now. I recently read a poem that I feel could be rearranged and slightly rewritten entirely because it didn't flow nicely. It was complicated and impossible to understand. This piece was much the opposite. I liked the idea that was so eloquently spelled out in the last line. We wander farther into ourselves and learn things that we want to take with us but somehow we find it quite impossible. Nicely and poetically penned. Best regards,
Dell

[Dan Kim]

Love, the oft written article, is displayed once again, with a different makeover. The struggle on feeling inferior and helpless in love is portrayed here, quite nicely.

Thanks for sharing!


Also, I'd hate to be a grammar nazi, but on a future version, you may want to fix "your" to "you're" (:

[Felicity's Eve]

I can really feel the conflicting emotion and heartbreak. It is if the poem itself is crying...


Incredible :)