School Of Life

My point of view

I’m walking towards my destiny

Every human right now is my enemy

 

I’m walking to reach the end of the line

No force can stop me not a stop sign

 

I walk alone no one by my side

Fear of the unknown the future I hide

 

It’s a bad feeling to know that you stand alone

Yet it’s better than to fool yourself that with people you belong

 

It’s a marathon we all run so at the finish line we’d stand

To take a breathe and rest before turning into sand

 

This is life and it’s a school where

Learning never ends and reaching the top is rare

 

It’s a school where pain is a teacher

And time is the exam for the one who passes is the lesson seeker

 

They taught us that the journey of a thousand mile begins with a step

That’s how things roll, that’s how we run this ship

 

They forgot to add that every step has an end

To close a door and open the other by the wind

 

And this is what life should’ve taught us before

Getting old and buried under dust of the shore

 

Yet learning this is hard and that’s a shame

So get to work and life don’t you blame

 

Block your emotions; walk tall with your own style

Love no one for they’re all leaving after a while

 

Have faith in God and in yourself do believe

When you do that every impossible is yours to achieve

 

As limitless as you are don’t lock yourself in a cage

Yet have fun and do enjoy life for a change

 

And so your path will be crossed by other walkers

Be careful of the silent ones not the talkers

 

And trust no one but those random strangers

For you’d have nothing to expect from them aside danger

 

Do create enemies not friends for friends are fake

Enemies can always push you forward but friends will cause you heartache

 

Be careful for smiles are lies unless they come clean from the heart

For they are so hard to recognize specially if you were still on the start

 

 Yet laugh for laughter is the harmony of the soul

It fills emptiness desperation and holes

 

Be optimistic and hope for never

For hope is lie that will get you to the bottom of the river

 

And when the music is being played search for the answer

Neither excuses nor humans to point at, for you remain the main dancer

 

So face the music no matter what

For running away never solves the plot

 

Keep in mind that life isn’t what you want it’s what you need

You shall grow up to learn that as it’s the planets seed

 

So run your path you young student

I delivered my message now it’s your tern it to send…

Reviews

[CecilA]

In answer to your first question: go Home and then to Review Requests then to All Review Requests; there you will find all your review requests.

Regarding this poem: Very good. I suggest a rewrite while reading it aloud so that you can here your voice and what you're trying to convey with words instead of your thoughts. Be careful not to edit until you are finished with your composition though. Otherwise, you will interfere with your story and it's flow.

There are a couple of things I don't believe: 1) block your emotions; 2) love no one; 3) we can't trust people who are silent; just the talkers; 4) hope is a lie; 5) create enemies, not friends. Your writing hasn't convinced me the truth in these verses. Convince me with showing rather than telling.

You have contradicted yourself with some of this verse so you need to review your contentions and then back them up with facts/truth.

Other wise I think it's a great poem and after a little TLC it can be a classic because I've never encountered this mindset before and I find it very interesting.

Please understand this isn't crisitcism; rather my interpretation of your poem and what I believe would make it better from my perspective.

I particularly like: "Life isn't what you want, it's what you need." and "Laughter is the harmony of the soul; it fills emptiness, desparation and holes."

Thanks for sharing it with us.

Sincerely,

Cecil

[beautiful dreamer]

wow! awesome poem!

[Girl Friday (Sarah W.)]

Again, a very important and poignant subject matter. I quite liked the idea of this piece. You've got the goods to be a great writer with some polishing. :)

As in my last review, same sort of comments. Here's a little sample of some of the things I would do:


I’m walking to reach the end of the line (great line to start off with)
No force can stop me, not *even* a stop sign (adding a word helped the flow here)

I walk alone(,) no one (is) by my side (added "is" to even out the tempo a little)
Fear of the unknown, (from the) future I hide (added "from the"--a little off in beat, but I think it helps the line as a whole)

It’s a bad feeling to know that you stand alone (here is would suggest using a word other than "bad"...maybe "agonizing" or something more palpable)
Yet it’s better than to fool yourself that with people you belong (this line is a little disjointed for me, I might go with something along the lines of "Yet it is better than fooling yourself into believing youn belong")

Just a quick little edit of a few lines...not that my way is by any means correct or the only way to do it, but you get the idea. Just changing a few words and some phrasing can give a whole different feel. Again, good work.