S.O.S.

My dad is currently in the hospital. He is in immense pain but refuses medication and it's just frustrating. So I left the room to take a break and wrote this. 11/15/2018 2:23AM

Is pain your mistress?

Is misery your friend?

Conviction and cynicism

Won't let you give in.

Is stubbornness your bedfellow?

Your life a tragedy? 

Is pain your badge of honor

Put on display for all to see?

Instead of medical marvels

You'd rather take a knee

And try to reach the apex

Of anguish and agony.

Author's Note

Ignore grammar. Let me know what you think. Please keep my father in your prayers, thanks.

Reviews

[Williams Ike]

Your rhetoric is captivating. The pains, anguish & disappointments you feel as a result of your father's refusal to take medication for his recovery, are all well pictured in those rhetorics .My prayers is that he won't bow out now that perhaps, you need him most. My regards !

[Fanicia E.]

Thank you Williams Ike 😊. I'm glad I could get my point across in a way that caught your attention

[barleygirl]

I remember when my dad was doing the 15-year walk of Parkinson's & he also refused any treatment, or even something possibly helpful like a membership to the YMCA which had a very large warm pool where seniors met & had easy exercise classes. Now that I am old & disabled, I also refuse to chase medical remedies which seem to become a pile-on of prescription drugs that many seniors cannot afford even with medicare. The truth is, I'm ready to die in whatever natural sequence it happens. I don't want to prolong my life becuz it's just too f*****g painful every minute & has been for ten years. I'm only 62 & this is honestly how I feel. So hopefully you can try to find a way to understand your dad's stubbornness. Lots of old people don't really want to live anymore. Hell, many young people are suicidal, so why not accept that old people are ready for the reaper when he gets here? Sorry I just got off on a tangent there. I hope you know from my private message to you that I also understand the tremendous pressure you are under as his caretaker. You have expressed the way this feels for you very powerfully & I honor your feelings, too (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

[Fanicia E.]

Just as you honor my feelings, I honor yours. I can't said what's going on in his head, he's been through a lot (even without the current health issues). Maybe it is a bit selfish of me, and if so I'm aware, but ultimately I cannot force someone to do what I think is right if I cannot put myself in their shoes. He's only 49, but I know all to well that those kind of emotions can occur at any age. His spirits seem a bit better now though, thankfully.

[barleygirl]

Now that you tell me he's only 49, I'm seeing your situation in a completely different way! That's very young to have so many serious health issues. It sounds to me like he might have given up long ago & has not been motivated to take care of himself for a long time? I don't know how anyone can change a person who's hellbent on a certain path like that. I wish you the very best (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

[Fanicia E.]

I just think he didn't know all of this was going on and one problem bled into another. Thanks for the well wishes.

[Lavi]

This reminds me of a blog I read about the pressure put on men (more often seen in the older generations by now) about how they were raised with an image to maintain. Such as, men don't cry or show their pain. How they must bear it like its a badge of honor that makes them men. And being men makes them strong. It's a belief-system I despise, that boys despise, and men that have a clue despise. Because it is the people who love them, that when seeing them in pain, hurts them too. And then, to add salt in the wound, refuses to ease their pain and instead take it, hurting the loved ones further.

Pride... such pride can often turn to self-destruction. There's dignity; the state of who we are. There's pride; the core of who we are projected as an aura around us, making an impression. And then there's Ego; a completely separate entity or person than what we are. What we think we deserve and how we think we should act. People who have an inflated dignity become indignant for it hurts our pride, and people who have too much pride in who they are, become their ego.

This is such a powerful and expressive write. Thank you for sharing with us.

[Fanicia E.]

Thank you for listening Lavi, and for the insightful review. I completely agree with what've you said about pride and maintaining an image.

[T.S. Sky]

This is very good. Sorry about your father. May he get well.

[Fanicia E.]

Thank you! He's doing a lot better Amen! 🙏🏾

[T.S. Sky]

You're welcome and I'm so happy to hear he is better. Prayers work.

[Fanicia E.]

Amen! Amen!! Amen!!!

[emmajoy]

' Is pain your badge of honor.. .. '

Pride is a man's tomfoolery, Fanicia.. have seen it for myself, dear friend - you know that. Your dear dad is being himself perhaps, you know him better than most. As told, will keep him in my prayers, light him a candle, look to the stars and the mist surrounding them. Beautifully sad words. x

[Fanicia E.]

Thank you Emma. I appreciate the thoughtful review, and the positive vibes and prayers for my dad. :)