Can You Promise Me?

Can You Promise Me?

A Poem by Nisha M.
"

A piece about death, pain and loss.

"

With such desperation, I hold onto you

With every little piece of
Worn-out grief and bare humiliation

I slowly lower my head in shame

A weak soul, too feeble to continue

 

My erratic uneven breaths

I start to forget how to inhale
My unfeeling body

I start to lose my support
My veins turn pale

I start to lose every feeling

My weak hands
I start to lose my strength
My cold, chapped lips
I start to lose my words
My hair gently falls like flower petals
I start to lose my memory

My blurry eyes

You are no longer in my view
My unmended heart, now free of pain
I start to lose you

 

Is this the end of my nightmare?
A pity I would never be able to remember
Whether it’s your smile, eyes or your soft laughter,

Come hold my fragile hands, don’t shed a tear


When I bid farewell to this despair,
Can you promise me?

That whatever it may be,
you’d be one to bury me?

© 2018 Nisha M.


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Compartment 114
Compartment 114

Author's Note

Nisha M.
Please ignore any grammar problems/I hope you liked this piece :)

My Review

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Featured Review

This is really amazing! I love your use of repetition as it adds more meaning to the piece. Your words and uses of figurative language really bring the feelings and image behind the poem to life. Your poem is also perfect in length. Most poems that are trying to convey a message end up being too short with not enough detail and others may be too long with too much backstory or examples. So I really think you poem brought the pain of loss and death to life in the best possible way. Also, I truly love the way you make a statement, and then after declare how you're losing that thing. I really enjoyed reading this piece. Good job! As well as congrats on winning the POETRY CHALLENGE... contest!
-Kiwi.jh

Posted 5 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Nisha M.

5 Years Ago

Ahh, I appreciate this so much. Thank you for taking the time to write this. It truly makes my day! .. read more



Reviews

A powerful use of words and thoughts.
"When I bid farewell to this despair,
Can you promise me?
That whatever it may be,
you’d be one to bury me?"
Promises are needed and the above lines. Strong and needed. Thank you Nisha for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

Posted 5 Years Ago


This is really amazing! I love your use of repetition as it adds more meaning to the piece. Your words and uses of figurative language really bring the feelings and image behind the poem to life. Your poem is also perfect in length. Most poems that are trying to convey a message end up being too short with not enough detail and others may be too long with too much backstory or examples. So I really think you poem brought the pain of loss and death to life in the best possible way. Also, I truly love the way you make a statement, and then after declare how you're losing that thing. I really enjoyed reading this piece. Good job! As well as congrats on winning the POETRY CHALLENGE... contest!
-Kiwi.jh

Posted 5 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Nisha M.

5 Years Ago

Ahh, I appreciate this so much. Thank you for taking the time to write this. It truly makes my day! .. read more
Nice! I liked it very much!

Posted 5 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Nisha M.

5 Years Ago

Thank you so much for this kind comment, Ji-Suk!
this is a very poignant piece of writing.

Posted 5 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Nisha M.

5 Years Ago

Thank you so much for this comment, it truly made my day! :)
sette

5 Years Ago

you are very much welcome

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Stats

287 Views
4 Reviews
Rating
Added on April 18, 2018
Last Updated on April 18, 2018
Tags: death, loss, love, poetry, poem, life, pain

Author

Nisha M.
Nisha M.

Singapore



About
My pen name is Nisha. Most of the time, I am inspired to write by putting myself in another person (whether real or a creation of my mind)'s shoes. Sometimes, I write about my feelings. On a whole, I .. more..

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