Who is he? - II

Who is he? - II

A Poem by The Dreamer
"

Sometimes you fail to grab and possess... even when it seems to be so close - always unreachable.

"


It was a gloomy day;

The kind that makes me wish I was away.

As day approached dusk,

I sat by my window, lusk.

Watching the crimson hues of sunset,

My mind wandering elsewhere - in unrest.

 

All my scattered thoughts snapped into one

On seeing below, a shadow, of someone.

Long legs - clad in worn out denim,

Faded shirt - framing broad shoulders - on him.

His tousled hair - dark as the night,

Eyes that seemed to shine, in the fading light.

Head hung so low,

As though, life dealt him a blow.

Outlined in dimming light, like a phantom.

'Who is he?' - I couldn’t fathom.

He vanished in the dark, around the corner.

'Who is he?' - this stranger who looks like a loner.

 

Watching the sun set, has become a ritual, daily.

As curiosity became obsession, slowly.

I wait for the sun to go down, everyday;

To see him, pass by my way.

Its pulling me in - this myst'ry,

Gently laying me in sweet misery.

Always the same, always a loner;

I sadly wonder - is he a distressed lover?

I dream, that he is mine,

Looking at me, with a love so fine.

'Who is he?' - I long to know, I sigh,

Longing suppressed, with a glimpse  -for now- from up high.

 

Who could fathom the twist of fate?

For: it was getting late;

When I heard a crash,

And a car drove by in a flash.

I sat still, afraid I'd miss him:

Watching the twilight, like through a prism.

 

Seconds, minutes and an hour flew by,

I heard a commotion nearby.

My legs pushed through the crowd,

Heart thudding so loud.

A final shove and I saw him:

Lying still in a pool of blood,

Pain washed over me in a flood.

 

'Who is he?', I heard a few:

But really - no one knew…

© 2014 The Dreamer


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This seems to me the beginnings of very good poem. Perhaps if you eliminated the forced rhymes and focused on the themes in free prose. Poems do not have to rhyme to speak to us. This has makings of a fine, dark poem, reveling in the maudlin. However, for me, it was hampered by the lack of a flowing rhythm and forced rhymes; I really think it would be better for dropping the rhymes and following more of a free association pattern that already is trying to stand out -- something almost dreamlike in the prose, but jarringly out of place in the forced rhyme.

Posted 5 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

The Dreamer

5 Years Ago

thanks for pointing it out. :)



Reviews

This seems to me the beginnings of very good poem. Perhaps if you eliminated the forced rhymes and focused on the themes in free prose. Poems do not have to rhyme to speak to us. This has makings of a fine, dark poem, reveling in the maudlin. However, for me, it was hampered by the lack of a flowing rhythm and forced rhymes; I really think it would be better for dropping the rhymes and following more of a free association pattern that already is trying to stand out -- something almost dreamlike in the prose, but jarringly out of place in the forced rhyme.

Posted 5 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

The Dreamer

5 Years Ago

thanks for pointing it out. :)

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1 Review
Added on August 19, 2014
Last Updated on August 19, 2014
Tags: lonely, who is he, mystery, tragedy, love lost

Author

The Dreamer
The Dreamer

India



About
Hey - I am Nisha . I love to dream when I am awake, sadly I don't dream much when I sleep - maybe i drain all my resources before I go to bed... Writing is like a release for me, a source o.. more..

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