ms paranoia's encounters with mr pride

she came to me

like immaculate conception

as if God had his hand in

our hands intertwined and combined

as if

 

she thought

i only wanted to f**k

with her head like

so many before me

and after me

and in ten years

we'll run into eachother

at albertsons

shopping for ramen noodles

and cat food

and her?

fruits & vegetables

apples, oranges, and celery sticks

and wonder

what yesterday would have been like

if we hadn't been

ms paranoia and mr pride

Author's Note

its rough..just something i found in my notes for class...all comments are welcome

Reviews

[Legion]

It may or may not be rough, but it is dead on about relationships and the route the can take over personalities. Well written I think. I wouldn't change a thing. Kudos.

[Niki Disaster]

I really loved this... I feel like I experience this a lot, as so many people today are afraid to commit to someone, due to being previously hurt or damaged. I love that you give titles at the end, it ties everything together and concludes well. The only thing that doesn't quite flow to me is in your first verse, you use such a powerful simile, "like immaculate conception" it sets the stage for something i feel more intense or serious... But maybe thats just my odd way of thinking. Overall, I really liked it.

[frogbean]

i think this line should be like this.
we'll run into eachother we'll run into eachother
at albertsons at albertsons
shopping for ramen noodles I shopping for
and cat food ramen noodles, cat food
and her? and her?

i think that the word "and" can be eliminated and it flows better.

fruits & vegetables fruits, vegetables
apples, oranges, and celery sticks apples, oranges, and celery sticks
and wonder and then wonder

sorry there are so many suggestions you dont have to listen they are just minor things to make it flow alittle better and remove some repetition.

FrOgBeAn