Ten Ways to Turn on Your Man--Tonight!

Deep thoughts (not really) by Tonya...part 1

When I’m in line at Wal-Mart I have to think about something other than why they have 500 customers in line and only two registers open. So I often flip through a couple of trashy magazines, or at least look at all the hadlines. There is one headline that seems to be on every issue of Cosmo ever created. It’s something around the lines of "Ten Ways to Turn on your Man...Tonight!"
Ummmm, what?
There are a lot of things you could write useful articles on---fly fishing, finding antiques among piles of junk at yard sales, how to get blood out of your clothes---anything. But someone writes articles telling a woman how to turn on a man?
If you cannot figure out how to do this on your own and need a how-to article, you are probably either too dumb or too hideous to be doing something that involves potential procreation
In my experience, turning on a man can be accomplished roughly 90% of the time simply by mentioning some kind of vague reference to the fact that you could possibly be persuaded into some sort of sexual activity. The other 10% of the time, he is probably exhausted from working 3 12 hour shifts with 2 hours of sleep a night, or is actively bleeding or missing a limb and needs a little more persuasion...which can be accomplished in about 2 minutes with minimal effort on your part.
A shorter and more helpful article would probably be "Ways to NOT turn on a man" though it would probably still be hard to find some that work for all men. Just when you think no man could possibly be attracted to someone on a unicycle in a clown outfit wearing a used diaper, with raw eggs cracked over her head, you will discover a website showing exactly that, with a loyal following.
This has been a deep thought....not really...by Tonya.

Reviews

[Sicarius]

I love this! it is so true, everything from the lines at wal mart to the turning men on by something vague! its so good

[Lee E. Powell]

COOL! That is so true what you say!

Now my woman is pretty much the hottest thing on the planet and all she has to do is simply walk into the room with that smile of hers and it's ON! LOL

[Tony]

Vile creatures us men. And irritatingly proud of it most of the time. This deep thought was funny and true.
Soooo......ya wanna go to the cockfights and slam some shooters with the fellas?

[Anthony Ackerley]

I think this is one of the funniest pieces I've read of yours. It's been a while since I've reviewed anything by you, and this first one isn't going to be that helpful at all because I have nothing constructive to say. And no nits to pick.

Great work

[THE BLACK SEAL]

lol i have often wondered about those too and they are in every mag. like we are a big mystery. just give us lots of kinky sex, and pretzels and samuel adams and feed us and we are fine man just fine...lol