Transparent

Wrapped up inside the shadow of doubts which kept stripping away my confidence gradually had finally got onto my nerves as my soberness was stolen away by the power of alcohol. Something negative had happened to me, something unexpected. It was much like those times that the things that you thought yours were actually borrowed. There was this huge feeling of being disconnected from anyone. Like I was so distant from anyone I knew.

 

Moreover, I had abandoned my job, tired of being used so I thought rather then being chopped off to the rubbish bin after the bosses were tired of me, why not quit it now? The so called our bosses and business men are actually like day light vampires always seeking to take advantage out of others, sucking out the blood by making other people's money their. Beneath their costly shoes and clothes and their cheap smiles, lie their insatiable hunger to take whatever they can rather than give. Life is a 'dig in' party for them.

 

I was driving down the narrow street and the rain started to cool down the heated world of my anger and malice, forming the mud and lowering my visibility in the process. With the occasional slight thrust of alcohol trying to empower me, I kept myself busy by thinking which was more miserable, me or the rain?  And my car, just being older than me, started complaining about its prolong usage by over heating of the engine, like an old wracked up horse not faithful to its master. I indulged myself upon playing back the awful moment and bursting out with anger rather than trying to figure out what went wrong with the car. There are moments in life that do not make sense and make you feel lost inside the wilderness of life, now was one of those moments. So I tired to make some sense out of the mess, a solid and pure fact that I could grasp and stabilized my existence.

 

What got me out of this miserable loop was a complete stranger. A stranger whose name I never knew with natural rosy lips, oval face, slender body and most striking character of her, the gentleness. She suddenly stopped walking when it turned out that my stupid car was about to hit her despite my attempts to try stopping it immediately. With her mouth little opened, her eyes wide shut, lovely slender body a little bent over,made her lose the grasp on her umbrella opening up her fair and lovely skin to be vulnerable to the rains. This near accident quite threw away the day light out of her I supposed.

 

Something else happened to me at that moment. I saw something else from her. The innocent charms that she kept deep beneath herself emerged. It was radiated from that very brief moment as she was under utter terror. At the moment, all the walls that she had built to protect herself from her own insecurity through her education, work, social attributes, lessons and her dreams all just vanished and what left was her true vulnerable self, someone she always wanted to be but couldn't simply because life was hard and not sympathetic enough for a flower as fragile as her to grow peacefully.

 

May be it was simply my emotions rioting inside my simple logic of a simple accident. But the truth is you can know a woman for like several months and even a year but somehow the moment she got scared reveals most of what the woman is really like. How she reacts to certain terror is actually her back bone character because normally woman usually have insecurities and they hide beneath some mask, just to prevent themselves.

 

This woman in front of my eyes would have been in her mid twenties with the traditional dress. Somehow her lips reminded me of strawberries, her oval face quenched my thirst upon searching the real natural beauty bodily and soulfully. Could the way her hair was neatly combed say she was a demure person? At that instant, just simply looking at her made me so serene compared to how I had past the last couples of hours. Should I feel guilty about it? Like I was pulled out from the hell and put onto a sweet nice pillow for a sound and safe sleep.

 

The moment she got stripped away from her internal built up defenses had vanished at the instant when she showed the lovely and vulnerable side of her, and it suddenly stroke me that how much I should be ashamed of myself for keep drowning inside my past and neglecting my confidence despite being a man. And at that very brief instant, I felt that she became transparent to me. I might not know where she lived or where she worked but somehow I had a peak into her soul, and her true character of defenselessness thrilled me to pick up my confidence back again. She had unconsciously lifted my morale that all the losses and miseries would worth it someday if I could protect a woman like her when life came down upon her.

Nyi

3.7.2012

Reviews

[Coyote Poetry]

You can tell a story. I enjoyed the description and places you took me with your words.
"The moment she got stripped away from her internal built up defenses had vanished at the instant when she showed the lovely and vulnerable side of her, and it suddenly stroke me that how much I should be ashamed of myself for keep drowning inside my past and neglecting my confidence despite being a man."
Good to become free and unafraid of who we are. No weakness in the amazing story.
Coyote