Untitled

this is just something i wrote down on my way to work...just nothing

What is this? That’s what people say

The way I write is so lame

No difference than last ones, it’s all the same

I have no talent in this game

Also lack the thing called skill

Is it going to be like this all the way?

Think I should change the way I play

Someday, I’ll own the word called fame

Then I’ll hear everyone shouting my name

When this happens, I’ll remember the way I came

No secret about it, that’s what I aim

This is my dream and if I could not win

Still be doing the same old thing

 

Now I’m dire strait and hope someone would pay

Want to run away but I have to stay

Because of this fact the moods all change

Convert into that thing what you called rage

The way of life is full of pain

Couldn’t forgive and forget like the way of saint

I’m confused just want to kill all those gays

Like an animal that is not tame

Nyi  ( 19.5.2010 )

Reviews

[J.Black]

Awesome work! I dont like how its not titled as anything though.. there's so much emotion in here I'm sure you pick one! I like your writing, you shouldn't think low about it! If no one likes it, then they dont like you because everything you got is in it!

[J.M. Barrett]

"Someday, I’ll own the word called fame"
As of now I think Lady Gaga owns that word, but I really liked that line!

Interesting subject matter.
Great poem!!

[zombiikillah666]

i always write the same stuff ):
i like this...emotional.. & interesting. (:
good write.

[nyi]

thanks for reading this...but i wrote this without much thinking..and just depended on the rhymes..and of course 'Pain' was what i intended..also i thought about deleting the part where i wrote about becoming famous and all..i just didn't...i totally agree with your concept on reward..for i have never won any essay award in my life and still i wrote even that i couldn't properly...i just want to say that i write because i like writing and i want to share my feeling...if someone recognizes this i would appreciate it...if don't..that's just not my problem...and thanks for reading this..

[Devons]

This is really potently emotional, heart-felt and honest. It depicts a self-doubt that many a writer would be convinced of.. Yet it evinces a defiance:-

"This is my dream and if I could not win
(I'll) Still be doing the same old thing"

It shows how creativity cannot totally be over-run by money and materialism. Art's thirst can be quenched in many ways, and is not reliant upon reward. It is its own reward. Though it may keep the artist poor...!

I like this poem overall for what it represents - and the bitterness and anger that drives through it.

PS. there are a few grammatical errors, but not much tailoring needed.

PPS. I think you should change "Couldn’t forgive and forget like the way of saint" to: "Can't, like a Saint, forgive and forget". (it scan better)
And -though the last line is very powerful- the penultimate line sounds wrong:
I don't think you meant to say "gays" but surely "guys" ?? I laughed when I read that but I'm sure it was unintended..

Good work.