Strip My Soul

Lost in thoughts and snap back to reality

Bound to grief and what lies ahead is fog of misery

Getting my psych up, is there a price for morality?

Fast to start and slow to finish, my job is meant for redundancy

I’m reaching for the top like a snail climbing up reluctantly

I’m feeling distant again; it’s as real as gravity

Locked myself inside and walking in zigzag is my idiosyncrasy

Smashing things up and don’t have any sense of equanimity

I eat my own ego, quick somebody takes me to mortuary!

Should I call the Asylum and tell this is a matter of emergency?

Still have one chance left, to take me onto the road of glory

Through the haze of guilt, there is a beacon shining brightly

Love is the answer, redemptive power of it, will take away my anxiety

 

nyi

( 3.6.2010 )

Author's Note

Please feel free to say whatever that you want to say...i'm just not done with playing around with words may be because i listen to too much hip-hop?...but please let me know what you think especially if you do not like this..

Reviews

[Augustus]

This sounds like eighteenth century hip hop in the sense that it sounds like hip hop with all the disconnected pieces with an inconsistent meter for some reason rhyme with each other. But I said eighteenth century because I doubt very much that today's rappers would use words like "equanimity" (the very spirit of hip hop seems in conflict with that notion) and "redemptive power". I might be wrong though, I'm not really into hip hop.
Nevertheless, if we establish this to be in that genre, I think it is a good write. As I mentioned before, all the lines seem disconnected to me and I am unable to string them into a verse which has a coherent inner meaning. Also, the grammar is off in places, and the articles are conspicuous by their absence, as I have told you before. But a good effort nonetheless!

[Ashley.M.E]

I have to agree with the y endings, figuring you meant to do that. I think it's will written and it's good.

[Bhavya Kaushik]

This was nice, the depth in this piece is exceptionally great.

[J.Black]

I agree with devons, what is up with all the Y endings?! Lol but it does sound like a rap, and I really love that genre of music (especially eminiem and b.o.b) so this works!

[Dupree]

It's not bad and yes you maylisten to too much hiphop but that doesn't take away from your poetry it may even add to it

[nyi]

I'm definitely going to change the way i write..i just wrote this to give another chance for this type of writing..thanks for reading and comments

[Devons]

I can't help thinking that this reads more like a comic exercise this time with the way each line ends with the same 'y' rhyme. If humour was the intention then the poem has worked (in the sense that it is funny to see how the writing manages to implicate each different word into each different meaning of a line) and as an entertainment it has some value. However, it is not easy to see past this gimmick in order to discover any particular meaning or depth. And there are a few occasions where the grammar is slightly erroneous.

[R E Tree]

Amazing it does sort of sound like your rapping. I like how you have structured your poem to have words ending in y at the end of each sentene. You have clever skills it takes time and effort to plan out all that

[zombiikillah666]

Really good.
kinda reminded me of
eminem. lol..
Great job. (: