Existence

You have more scars than veins

the only language you know is pain

the scars represent suffering

the bruises represent pleasure

together they are the perfect existence.

It's silent out here

the echoes of humanity can no longer be heard

the wind doesn't blow here anymore

you feel everything 

but there is nothing left to feel.

Author's Note

This is just a small preview of a poem that I wrote! Not sure if it is any good so I didn't want to write too much. I am new to this and this is my first time ever posting any of my poetry publicly, I have never shown or spoken to anyone about my writing so I am quite nervous to share! Feedback would be helpful and appreciated to get me started.

Reviews

[barleygirl]

There are a number of writers on this website who express this kind of psychic pain, but to me, your expression is done in a more artful way, rather than being mostly dreary & depressing. You use strong imagery to show instead of tell -- the first rule of good writing. The first line is astonishing becuz of it's originality & intensity -- brilliant word crafting. All in all, you have nothing to be afraid of, since your writing is naturally straightforward, understandable, & relatable. You only have one direction to go with your writing: UP! UP! UP! (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

[olympiuslu]

Wow that is such a compliment, thank you so much I am so happy that you thought so!

[lessa (kenzie)]

I really love it so far, I like your style.
you write with descriptiveness and vivid imagery.

[olympiuslu]

Thank you, I really appreciate it!

[BlackPrince]

'It's silent out here,
the echoes of humanity can no longer be heard.'

With that above sentence, I can imagine an apocalyptic time.

WOW! what an image that is.

Your perspective as a writer is very unique and interesting, to me.

Please, keep writing and finding your unique voice and perspective as a poet.
Keep practicing at your craft.
Always follow your intuition, sixth sense and instinct.

WELL DONE!!!

[olympiuslu]

Thank you for your insight and your advice, I am very grateful!

[Alexa Apothic Red]

This is pretty simple and direct writing.. you can play with more literary flair later.. for now, this is wonderful.. the two stanzas could be more cohesive and relate to one another better in theme.. though on their own are so great.. but like you said this is a preview of more to be included so perhaps you will bring it all together very nicely then.

I love that first line "you have more scars than veins." It is powerful, visual and painful from the start.

The last 3 lines of the 2nd stanza are the strongest, I feel. I love the idea of the wind not blowing anymore.. so still, almost deafening. And then to feel everything (raw and exposed) but nothing left to feel (numb, broken).. a lot can be expressed in that. Keep it up!

[olympiuslu]

I really appreciate how you have put so much thought into my writing, I appreciate it even more that you have left such lovely comments so thank you for that, it means a lot to me! When it comes to the stanzas being more cohesive, I do hope to add more to make the stanzas to make them link, I just need to work on improvements first!

[Lavi]

The first stanza I wasn't sure if you were taking an offensive stance (which made me wary) or not but the second stanza is very powerful. Would love to see how you continue this.

[Lavi]

For a first-timer this is brilliant. Way out of my league when I first started, lol.

[olympiuslu]

Thank you very much, I really appreciate it!

[Pimby The Poet]

Beautifully haunting. I love it. It expressed so much in so little. Bravo.

[olympiuslu]

Thank you so much!

[Coyote Poetry]

When the kindness had left our heart and our mind. What is left? The poem told a sad story if someone who gave-in and gave-up. Thank you for sharing the amazing poetry.
Coyote

[olympiuslu]

Thank you for understanding!

[Coyote Poetry]

You are welcome Olympius. I enjoy your work.

[olympiuslu]

Thanks again, that means a lot to me!

[John Fitzgerald]

The basic solution to pain is brutally simple...rush to where the insect is and bite it to death...feel the vibrations and from the tensions reach, grapple and administer a lethal or paralysing injection of nerve poison...wonderful writing and would love to read the entirety of this...

[olympiuslu]

Thank you!

[therealtadkent]

Lonely, desolate and estranged. The pain is tangible, and it's wonderfully raw. Definitely keep writing.

[olympiuslu]

Thank you for such an insightful review!

[EDDAIDJ Badr Eddine]

i can feel your feelings by readings this poem :p