My nightmare is real......... as is his.....

I am so distraught

and upset

I just wish

my world

didn't exist

anymore

That I

could

just be gone

no pain or

suffering felt

just lights

at the end

gone for good

no more......

I really can't

take anymore

of all this

constantly

HELL

Everything

feels

as though

it's going wrong

and I am in

the middle of it all

feeling a prisoner

trapped against my will.

And get

all the grief

of what is

happening

their

is nowhere

to hide

let alone

go to get

away from it

all

I am in

the bullseye

I feel I am

the escape goat to blame

for this that

is going on with

my man

The cancer

and life

in general

being

not in control

of nothing for myself

or anything

around me

just death

taking over

and suffering

me and holding

me down

as that jailer

to me

and him.

Like today We found

out the guy I love

does have cancer

and I can not deal

with it at all

it has

triggered

my post-traumatic

stress disorder and

most of the day

I have really struggled

with my emotions

it just brought it

all back  the feelings

when my mother

having cancer

and dealing with

that and now this

again with the

man I adore

The chemo

the radiation

and  now other

Doctors and

Nurses.

My head is up

my own backside.

After for him, he is
angry

at me, then okay

then angry at me  and

so on. Over silly daft

things. And other times

happy and joking.

Iam living in a nightmare

iam drowning in  craziness

and at times I am so upset

all I do is cry

and

can't pay attention

to what is going on

around me

I am losing myself

in all this " c words"

He okay with his

family me 24/7

of hell due to

this monster

inside him

as for me

where am I?

Reviews

[Chris Shaw]

Dee, it is good that you can express your feelings like this because that will help, but maybe you need to speak to someone on a professional basis if you are finding this all completely overwhelming and it is triggering your PTSD? Wish I could give you a big hug my friend. I do understand, because I have been there myself and know how devastating this is.

Chris

[Onlyme]

Thanks Chris, iam an emotional wreck how you meant to smile all the time and be strong and supportive?

[Chris Shaw]

You can't smile, and you don't have to be strong but you can support each other as best as you can.

[Onlyme]

I try to and so does he in his own way Chris. I am just so scared and it's overwhelming me with emotions at times. Bad things have happen to me in past but this is someone I love and can't
stop or do nothing to heal him soppy but true and stupid and that upset me so much.

[Chris Shaw]

Talk to your GP, also normally a nurse specialist can give support. Has he got one? There should be support for you both.

[Onlyme]

yes, he has one meet her today. she seems nice. thanks Chris doe the advice.

[Chris Shaw]

Think of all the things that you are worried about. Write them down and ask the nurse specialist if she can give you answers. You are frightened of the unown Dee.

[Onlyme]

Thanks Chris.