My Garden My Soul

My Garden My Soul

A Poem by Carnation
"

A grievance poem

"
I go out on my morning walk,
To find my tree bear no fruit.
I go out on my morning walk,
They've torn up all the roots.

I go out on my morning walk,
My garden now a dump.
I go out on my morning walk,
My tree is now a stump.

I go out on my morning walk,
This time to a graveyard.
I go out on my morning walk,
My soul forever scarred.

That tree that never bore no fruit,
That tree that has all torn up roots,
That tree that lives in my garden dump,
That tree that is now a stump,
That tree that once was my soul,
Is now a lump of burning coal.

I lye here in the graveyard,
Grieving over what I've lost.
My soul has left my body, still scarred,
My heart now covered in frost.

© 2013 Carnation


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Reviews

There is a lot of pain in this piece. There is also a lot of poetic skill. I was especially struck by this stanza:

That tree that never bore no fruit,
That tree that has all torn up roots,
That tree that lives in my garden dump,
That tree that is now a stump,
That tree that once was my soul,
Is now a lump of burning coal.

That is wonderful poetry.


Posted 9 Years Ago


If "lye" is intentional, then I won't mind it any more, anyways this is a great piece with it repetition. It didn't harm what you wanted to express and say this is something really worth reading.

Good description also and mindful to its audience.

~Keep writing~

Rhianne Ney

Posted 9 Years Ago


Carnation

9 Years Ago

Thanks for the feedback
Rhianne Ney

9 Years Ago

You're welcome and you deserve it
Too emotional. I can feel the cross you are carrying. I love the way you play with words here.
You have a bright future as a writer. At your young age, you have done this awesome piece. Good job!

Posted 9 Years Ago


Carnation

9 Years Ago

Thanks for the kind words. I'm not that good. I'm just doing what I like to do.
Daisie Vergara (Dhaye)

9 Years Ago

Don't say you're not that good. I'm sorry if I am too honest in my review in your other poem. This o.. read more
WoW !!!
Wonderfully written =D

"I lye here in the graveyard,
Grieving over what I've lost.
My soul has left my body, still scarred,
My heart now covered in frost."

AmAzInG !!!

Posted 9 Years Ago


Carnation

9 Years Ago

Thanks for the kind feedback
A lot of emotion and well written.

Posted 9 Years Ago


'That tree that never bore no fruit,
That tree that has all torn up roots,'

brilliant! i loved the imagination behind this and the third stanza particularly where you pull all the ideas together, great last line to. this is poetry with layers that add up to more than the parts and i truly loved what you did with this, very original indeed. fantastic.

Posted 9 Years Ago


Carnation

9 Years Ago

Thanks! Glad you enjoyed it! I hope you enjoy reading my things as I do for yours!
nice rhyming scheme, nice flow. A beautiful piece.

Posted 9 Years Ago


Carnation

9 Years Ago

Thanks for the support!
This comment has been deleted by the poster.
Nice poem. It's very expressive.

Posted 9 Years Ago


Carnation

9 Years Ago

Thanks, glad you liked it.
Sharon

9 Years Ago

Your welcome ;)
I like this. Good write

Posted 9 Years Ago



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424 Views
9 Reviews
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Shelved in 1 Library
Added on March 15, 2013
Last Updated on March 15, 2013
Tags: tree, fruit, walk, morning, garden, soul, me, my, grieve, sad, sorrow, stump, they, kill, death

Author

Carnation
Carnation

The Shadows



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I created this account years ago, back in primary school when I was around eleven years old. I'm now sixteen and in high school, and only just remembered this site again when my English teacher said t.. more..

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