LOSING IT AGAIN

Just when I think I am close to get myself together, everything slips from the spaces of my fingers and spills all over the floor like pebbles. I feel like Humpty Dumpty on the wall of my emotions.

Just when I think that I am progressing

in my feelings, my thoughts

become a slippery carpet

pulled from the bottom of my sanity

and I am back to where I started from.

 

I am back to looking in the mirror

and not wanting to see the person in it

looking back at me.

 

I am stuck in my throat and my voice

is waging war against my tongue.

 

I am more but not feeling enough.

 

My fingers are swimming

in the ocean of my face

and I am drowning

even when I know how to swim

and even when I am supported

with lifeboats of:

it’s not that bad,

breathe in, pause for four seconds,

now breath out,

and you’ll be fine,

or just suck it up,

when I am running too late

to the workstation of my happiness.

 

Unlike many fairytales,

in mine, the best endings never begin

and the best beginnings end too quickly.

Author's Note

This an excerpt of my book titled: The Silence We Eat.
It is available on amazon, okadabooks, patabah bookstore.