Chapter 7

Chapter 7

A Chapter by Preeti
"

Chapter 7 of Semantic Blends: A Chain Novel.

"
CHAPTER SEVEN
Written by Cricket Kidd (http://www.writerscafe.org/preya)
Written for 
Semantic Blends: A Chain Novel Experiment

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Josh stared open mouthed at the retreating figure of the old blind man. Anger surged through him.

          "Fine! Be that way!" he yelled, spinning on his heel and walking in the opposite direction.

          Who did that guy think he was? With all his 'It is you who do not see' and 'don't pretend to be stupid' and even 'you'll know when you are meant to know'. Seriously! What was it with this dude? True, he did save him from the 'smart guys', but then he went into this whole lecture about how ignorant and stupid Josh was. 

          As if life wasn't complicated enough already.

          In his anger, he didn't pay attention to where he had been going. His feet chose the familiar route to the ruined homes, kicking an empty can into a alleyway.

          "Hey! What are you doing here?" a gruff voice shouted.

          Josh froze, thought "oh no, not again," then turned slowly towards the voice.

          Two officers were in the narrow alley he had just walked by, and a third figure was at their feet.

          "Josh?" the figure said, quiet and incredulous.

          He did a double take, not believing his eyes.

          "Gail?"

          "You two know each other?" the second officer asked.

          "Knew would probably be a better word." Josh said with a pained laugh.

          "Josh, run." Gail whispered. One of the officers smacked her head with the butt of his pistol.

          "Hey! Don't do that to her!" Josh yelled, stepping forward. The officer pointed the weapon directly at him.

          "Not another move sonny." he said threateningly. Josh stopped, but looked worriedly at Gail. She held a hand to her forehead, and when she brought it away it was wet with blood. He couldn't just leave her there!

          "RUN!" she screamed when she saw he hadn't moved.

          This time, he did.

          He ran straight at them.

 




© 2011 Preeti


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I can't help but think that Josh is incredibly stupid for running at two men with guns. Oh well. I guess it was established from chapter one that he wasn't a very bright guy anyway, hah.

Anyway, this is a well-written chapter. Several grammar errors, though. One thing I didn't catch before was the punctuation. You don't normally end dialogue with periods, but commas. "So if a character is saying something, you put a comma at the end," I said.

This story definitely has a lot of action at the moment. What it needs now, I think, is some plot development. The last seven chapters have been continuing the same scene (for the most part). Which is great, seeing as how each writer has interpreted the previous chapter and developed Josh's character. I think it would help if some sort of plot line was introduced. Just my two cents. :)

Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

i like the play on words right at the end. and also the way you brought Josh back into the story, ver nice :)

Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

I can't help but think that Josh is incredibly stupid for running at two men with guns. Oh well. I guess it was established from chapter one that he wasn't a very bright guy anyway, hah.

Anyway, this is a well-written chapter. Several grammar errors, though. One thing I didn't catch before was the punctuation. You don't normally end dialogue with periods, but commas. "So if a character is saying something, you put a comma at the end," I said.

This story definitely has a lot of action at the moment. What it needs now, I think, is some plot development. The last seven chapters have been continuing the same scene (for the most part). Which is great, seeing as how each writer has interpreted the previous chapter and developed Josh's character. I think it would help if some sort of plot line was introduced. Just my two cents. :)

Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

new twist, but also consequential.
Good... pacy

Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.


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Added on May 2, 2011
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Author

Preeti
Preeti

San Diego, CA



About
College undergraduate with an inconvenient tendency to drift into imaginary worlds. Half of what I think isn't original (as there is so little these days which truly is 100% original) and the other ha.. more..

Writing
Chapter I Chapter I

A Chapter by Preeti


Chapter 2 Chapter 2

A Chapter by Preeti


Chapter 3 Chapter 3

A Chapter by Preeti