out

I wrote this after I had been out when I was feeling very fragile. Sadly my friends chose the seediest bar imaginable with the most grotesquely forward men!

sweating, pulsating, intrusive crowds

snaking in and out and in and out

chanting, ritualistic, invasive

reaching to shout in my ear

to shout in my ear and intrude

my space, intrude me

I can’t breathe

and I can’t move

I can’t escape these strange red people,

I hear the echoing laughter of my friends

and their language is gibberish

safety, an anchor, the bar

a toothless man slurs obscenely at me

pitying looks from the girls touching up their makeup

in the toilets ringing with gossip and tears

one asks why I look so lost and I tell her 

she replies 

‘babe, where have you been before? this is a bar’

is this normal?
to be invaded and obstructed and intruded upon?

in this circus of a place, with painted women reeking of desperation

and snake-charmer men attempting to make conquests

python-eyed men flashing lascivious glances

shuffling past, head down, eyes averted

I pray they will not strike (don’t touch me don’t touch me)

running into the cool, empty rain, I sigh.

relief.

perhaps the water will cleanse the clowns’ sweat

off my skin and my clothes, the smell of alcohol and vulgarity

I feel safe in my silken cloak of darkness, 

with the diamond droplets of rain nestling in my hair

and the cool night breeze caressing my face.

Reviews

[Androglossia]

At some point we felt the loss of pleasure in life that we need to walk out to find the real meaning of happiness and sense of self. In this phase, it is important to have someone you trust to share your feelings with instead of getting close to loud people. As the poem goes, loud people are vexation to the spirit:)

I can relate to this. Well done!

[buckeyebren]

your words could not have described
how I feel going out at times more adequately
if I had written them myself