Sonnet 1

A Poem by Paige H

Gone are the carefree days of younger years,

For knowing you has aged me far too much

To go back to days before you were here,

And pretend I've never felt your soft touch.

Simple thought of you agonizes me

To where my mind spins with rapid motion.

It makes it so that I can barely breathe

When I think of your lack of devotion.

It was as if your hello was farewell

And that you never intended to stay.

You left me with nothing to do but dwell

With dear hope to see you another day.

But hope to see you once is all I need

For with seeing you my heart is set free.

© 2013 Paige H

Author's Note

I would really like to improve my poetry, so any advice or criticism is heartily accepted.

My Review

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Reviews

Girl Friday (Sarah W.)

First, I enjoyed the concept. You speak on something that has been spoken on many times before, but you bring to it your own emotions, which I quite like. The form seems good, though some of the rhymes seem a little forced so that you could maintain the flow. I would also suggest the use of a little more "imagery" or "action wording"--for instance: "To where my mind spins with rapid motion"--this line seems as though it could be punched up "To where my mind's orbit is uncontrollable motion" or something of the sort. You want to "show not tell".

Overall, though, I enjoyed the read. It rolled nicely off the tongue and the feel was warm and painful at the same time. I look forward to reading more of you!