You broke me.

I wrote this sitting on the shower floor with rushing water desperately trying to dissipate my thoughts of you and how you left.

I sent you playlists and talked about books and wanted to hear about your travels or really anything that you would say to me I wanted to memorize the way your voice sounds when you talked about something you're passionate about or how you look so peaceful when you're playing the piano and I wanted to write about you because all I've ever been able to f*****g write about is how lonely I am and I thought you would be the one to change that but here I am typing this message that I won't have the guts to send with my heart in my goddamn hands and there you are and you can't even look at me. Not even rushing water can get you off my mind every lyric sounds like something you would string together and I'm sitting in the tub because I can't stand I literally can't stand I thought you could be my crutch and I've been left limping and falling all over myself while you remain the picture of grace. I hope you find the emotional connection you said you wanted, because clearly my emotions weren't strong enough.

Author's Note

Please let me know if the imagery is strong enough, I know it's frantic and jumps for concept to concept but this was extremely spur of the moment and meant to be real. I want it to have an impact.

Reviews

[Jonas]

More punctuation could definitely make this bolder. I say it's good, but there is a path to go, and a path long, as there is room for improvement. I know it's a thing of the moment, but what I suggest is thinking. Think "Is this the best word for it?" "What meaning should I pinpoint?" "What to exaggerate?". Writing is like painting on a canvas; you want to give it beauty and meaning, order and style. And you should have fun doing it.
I mean, you may have a different style than what I mentioned earlier, but it is going to follow similar fundamentals. It's going to have bold, vibrant tones instead of long lists of dullness.

I may or may of not helped, so best of luck to you.

[Richard]

the imagery is strong, the urgency is strong
it's really good

[JC]

I like the rush of emotion, the quick fury of thought, "not even rushing water can get you off my mind" really dig that line.

[Stefen_Play_writer]

I loved the flow of it all and how it came together almost effortlessly. I really liked the whole idea of the crutch and how related it to being dependant. Great work

[Pandora E.]

Thank you so much !

[Rachel Grace]

I love this so much. I totally understand the emotion behind it as well. My one suggestion would be to try and add a few more similes and metaphors if you're looking for stronger imagery. Great poem.