Unfaithful

For short poem contest

How many times will you stay, 

and how many times will you lay

by my side at night and say

you love me when you  don't?

Reviews

[Richard🖌]

Hi, Tory! : )
A big WELCOME to the Café … I trust you're enjoying yourself, making some nice new friends, reading, reviewing, and sharing to your heart's content.
This little ditty should do very well in the contest: It has great imagery, deep emotion, an appealing presentation, the monorhyme is a great feature, and your emphasis on "don't" winds it up perfectly.
How many, I wonder, who've fallen for an insincere lover will relate to your deeply impacting words.
Saddest of all is that it's so hard for the honest lover to let go; because, despite that they're being lied to and made miserable, their love keeps them hanging-on, hoping … often, until after their heart has been left shattered.

The power of this little piece touched me, made my eyes mist-over … excellent share, Tory! ⁓ Richard 🍃

(now, time for more from your glowing pen) 😊 Drop by my place for a read, too … I'd like that.

[Tory]

Thank you, I appreciate the kind words :)

[Richard🖌]

I'm proud to be a fan of yours. : )

[jacob erin-cilberto]

only as many times as the speaker will let him....time to say Goodbye and don't let the door hit you on the way out...being with someone and feeling unloved is the worst...been there, done that...and it is most uncomfortable.
j.

[Tory]

Yes, I was definetly trying to convey that here in as few words as possible (sometimes less is more). Thank you!

[emipoemi]

short and profound....my voice is in my awe!! Well done!

[Lyrically Inclined]

Deep and profound in a few short words! Excellent!

[Planet x]

How many times will you ask me,

and how many times will you lay
by my side at night and doubt me

Will you ever believe me when I tell you
I love you?

[Tory]

haha I love this

[Planet x]

perfect short poem

its beautiful !

[Tory]

aww thank you!

[Shoshana]

this is so good and well written and beautiful and omg i love this lol. so simple, yet so perfect.