Automatic

Automatic

A Poem by Jordan Jones
"

"automatic" poetry

"

Built for roughhousing youthful jerk tech
front teeth gone out-of-line knocked out
by supersonic infantrymen or coaches AKA
the rolling waters of whispered victories
defeat being taken at a pace softer than
poetry

© 2013 Jordan Jones


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Not bad. Good use of imagery and you've made some unconventional choices here which is always nice to see. I think the 'AKA' might not fit - stands out a bit too much. Other than that, good work.

Posted 8 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.


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1 Review
Added on April 25, 2013
Last Updated on April 25, 2013

Author

Jordan Jones
Jordan Jones

About
I've been writing since second grade. Always preferring length to brevity through middle school and high school--which does go against writing rules--I actually managed to develop pretty strong imagin.. more..

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