Generations; Ode

This is just an ode that I wrote as an assignment for my english class. I'm looking for constructive criticism before I turn it in.

There is a rare type of youth,
a new type of youth,
that lives to live.

They stay up all night,
writing love poems to the moon,
and crawl under the covers when the sky goes pastel, 
 to watch their sunrise lullabies.

Soft, summer nights are spent in backseats;
listening to static, watching stars,
whispering the words their elders have forgotten how to say.

Grease-stained napkins bear the proverbs of the modern adolescent,
scribbled down in some diner that smells of nicotine and sex.

On Friday nights,
the kids all flock to sketchy venues.
Someone always plays racket,
and the crowd laughs between sets.

A million nights are spent driving to Brooklyn,
for no particular reason.
As a bird would fly south,
the young migrate to a glowing, humming,
monster of steel and concrete that answers to “city.”

This will be the first generation to never grow old.

Reviews

[Miss Take]

I... adore this piece. Then again, something tells me that I will adore most (if not all) of your pieces. I really can't critique you on anything that hasn't already been said. But, beautiful.

[Octob3r Star]

Nice, Thanks For Sharing

[Travis Lawrence]

I don't review many poems these days, but this was enjoyable so I'll try to help you out!

One line think you should definitely work on...
"talking about the things their elders have forgotten about."
-- Every line up to this point is great, but this is a bit bland. Twist something around, throw in a creative adjective or two, something along the lines of... "speaking braver psalms their timeless elders have passed and forgotten"

A few words to exclude...
Take out all in "the kids all flock", I think it's more straight-forward.
I'd swap "is always playing" with "always plays", making the verb active and stronger. Also, not a fan of the quotes around "racket" but do like "city" in quotes.

Overall though this is a strong, clever piece, you'll do well on your assignment for sure.

[Hamkar]

I think it is well written but I agree with Brian you should balance out the long and short sentances a bit. Also great imagery on the feeling of youth. Well done!

[...]

... a very well-written poem ... if you want to make it softer ... if and only if ... you could consider replacing some of the phrases with others ... like ... "the kids all flock to sketchy venues" ... "for no particular reason" ... "monster of steel and concrete" ... "this will be the first generation" ... and i also wondered about ... "talking about the things their elders have forgotten about" ... because where i come from the young talk about speeding cars and the old about sparkling stars ... anyway ... it's a great write with a stupendous thought in the last line ... keep writing ... you have a special gift ... 95/100 ...

[Sara]

fantastic, i love the strange combination of nostalgia and disillusionment this poem contains -- like you *are* young, but you're remembering what it's like to be young at the same time, your tone shifting between fond and slightly scathing... you balance it well, though, and even though the poem's about youth, there is a lot of depth here that could be found in the work of an older writer (ignore all this if you *are* old, i'm just totally making assumptions about you here... idk, apply it to 'the narrator' or something ;))... a lot of great lines and images running through here: 'sky goes pastel', 'talking about things their elders have forgotten about' -- those are very lovely, but i could quote most of the poem on this point... the last line, though, reads somewhat awkwardly: maybe just try 'this will be the first generation to never get old', it reads a little smoother and ends the poem on a more definite note... 'to never get older' sounds clunky to me... also, the title? careful with the ';ode' bit, i think you're walking the line between being cute and quirky and being pretentious, telling the audience your poem is an ode... i think just straight 'generations' would work just as well. ;) but, otherwise, great job!

[Angel Veselinov]

It is great peace in my opinion keep up the good work :) Thanks for sharing it is clear that is influenced by your home town as well i guess

[Hayles]

It seemed quite alright, not being completely flawless.

[Brian]

I think it was ok, but i think some of the sentences could be shortened a little bit to make it a bit more even. I was always told not to have an idea in a whole sentence, but to spread it out in many lines.