prologue

this is the beginning....

Prologue

 

 

Somewhere in the desert a conversation lightly picks up like a gust wind across the dirt then lightly thrown at the shaded red sand beneath the bottom of a badly beaten up trailer. Inside, a bareness trails follow by a voice rising and dying like a sun behind a distant mountain hill.

"He sat inches from me with a hand gun. I remember it so clearly," Grande whispers were a mounting peak then a chest heave apart.

"….Said he was going to kill me."

I can hear a gust of sudden wind arouse in his throat as muscles contract, his bones crack faintly in the dark as he continued on in talk.

"I smelt the fear before I tasted it as he nudges it under the table into my stomach. “ ‘Go’, His voice was sotto and cold." Grande thick whiskers for a mustache whisked in the dark as his eyes mince at the darkness searching for the light. "I didn’t want to die but I knew if it was to happen, my time had come."

A short heavy breath escape the ingression of his mouth before his voice could rise once more. It reminded me of a dog or the breath of this singer before my favorite song.

His throat faintly coughs before his need for water is recognize before his words speak the roof of his mouth snaps against the dryness of his tongue almost sticking together shut and he wheezes this one out.

 

"Took me up to a cabin. Told me if the cops came back before he did I was a lucky man. Then he tied me to this pole. He left on foot."

 

 The thunder collapse outside above us and I manage to turn overt off my back and see light. Outside looks so warm.

 

"My throat had grown weary. The tongue tasted as ash before a burial. My nuts felt detach S"--- he cursed. "I felt like a dead man already- like all my guts were butchered. I closed my sleepless eyes and believed in someone I never knew, knew I existed."

His hands were shaking--- post-stress syndrome. I can hear his shackles like shingles obliterating the floor; raping her for God. For a moment his heart probably skipped its beat berating his breath guiding him onto a slow heat stroke death in the darkness of a trailer in the cavity of the desert. In the zone he became a dead man, that dead man tasting deaths kiss, engulfed by his enemy threats.

I reached into the darkness but he felt so far.

Tears touched the trailers floor. His ground unearthed; its ground not fertile but hard; dried and ruthless like a motherless thug and I waited for him to talk. Soon I heard a hard swallow and knew he was swallowing the remains of a dead man: His sultry, dark and hallowed ash.

Author's Note

ignore grammar problems, please tell what you think of it so far??

Reviews

[siri]

Your imagery is amazing. It is on point! The metephors and similes are really good without turning into cliches. congrats on that because that is difficult. The dialog is there I almost feel some personality although I am sure that will come with time and getting to know the charactor and their desires and how they ended up where they are at. One little thing to keep in mind is that every set of new dialog should be treated as a paragraph. they need to be indented.

[Pitta S Dev]

Great writing. I wish you the Best in process of writing your first book. No doubt you ill start second book soon.
Do not worry about grammar. the way you zare presenting is glamour for the whole stuff.
Keep Going. Success is yours.

[Alexander143]

I like the fact that you used a handful of expressions, and varying imagery. The vividness of the pictures you've painted make it easy for the reader to be a part of the scene. That's a beautiful way to write. Other than the few grammatical errors, it's a pleasant piece.

[Rose of Gondor]

Very interesting prologue, and a good one at that. The formatting is confusing, and you might want to sort out the tangle of words that was the first sentence. I had to read that over three times to get it. A few metaphors here and there may need changing for better comprehension. Overall, this is a very good chapter, and I wonder how this story's going to go! I like how you give information, but not so much that there's an info overload.

[Taylor H.]

This is really good so far but the formatting of the chapter makes it pretty confusing to read. I did like it but I had to re-read a lot of it