Disappear

What would happen if you just disappear one day? Who would miss you? Who would notice first?

Sometimes I wonder what will happen if I just disappear one day. Will anybody miss me? How many days will pass until someone notices? Who would it be? Would it be my mom? My boss? My landlord? My neighbors?

One would think that their mom would be the first to notice, but for me, this won't be the case. She only calls once per month and if I don’t pick it up, I don’t know how long it will take for her to call again. Last time I missed her call it took about two weeks until in the end I was worried that something happened to her and called her back. It turned out that she just didn’t ever call back. Sometimes I think she just has a reminder on her phone to call me once per month or something.

Then it is my landlord, I would give him about two months. At the end of the first month he will realize that the rent is not paid, he will call me, wearing needlessly his most casual face, and then the next day again, a bit irritated, and then the next week again, very upset, and his temperament will grow to that point that he will be forced to come over and check me only to be welcomed by my neighbors who will inform him that I am not home and probably I also didn't die inside the apartment because they already saw the post piling up and spent the last week trying to sniff through the gap between the door and the floor if I was decomposing. Which is a relief, because he thought I was avoiding him.

My boss wouldn’t even notice if I just pop like a bubble in front of him. At this very moment he is patrolling right behind me and doesn’t even say anything while it is quite obvious that I am not working on the new presentation. I imagine him still patrolling aimlessly while my seat is empty and my desk is gathering dust that is occasionally swiped by butts that casually sit on other peoples desks to gossip with their morning coffee and talk about the binge worthy series that they follow, the payslips still arriving in my bank account on time until the next evaluation when they will realize that I didn’t come to the office for weeks. The HR won't be sure what to do because they have no idea what is the reason why I just stopped coming to the office and they will hesitate to fire me immediately in fear of a lawsuit in case I belong to any of the many minorities.

But in the end, does this time even mean anything? Is it like a social status indicator or something? And in what terms? Take for example Marcus, from finance. He died the night before his birthday and everybody in the office noticed he didn’t come because they were all waiting for him. I still remember the day. Everybody excited with their pointy hats and their well rehearsed smiles, waving their tails while waiting for him to go through the door, ready for the unique surprise that they do on every birthday, and the excitement slowly diminishing, and everybody resuming their miserable jobs, and all you could see was little pointy happy happy-birthday hats popping up behind computer screens as if the office was manned by garden gnomes. And at about lunch time, HR decided to investigate his absence, finally reaching his girlfriend that shared the macabre news. And now, almost three years later, his desk remains untouched, still decorated with colorful slingers that lost their glamour from the sun, his computers peripherals comically wrapped in gift paper, some expired gift card on behalf of the company and a mix of "happy-birthday", "condolences", and "miss you" cards, all creating a “Tragically cheerful shrine to denote our brittle perseverance” and trigger existential conversations that reek of alcohol and sesquipedalianism on “beer Fridays”, such as the one that this very quote was composed. Three years later and people still pay respects and pass by with a sigh, people that vaguely remember the guy, people that didn’t even know him, people that never met him, like those poor monkeys in the experiment.

But there is also the exact opposite, to manage to be so socially invisible that nobody will ever notice that you were missing, like that guy who went to live alone in the wilderness, planning to live off the land, away from the civilization, and eventually died after a couple of months only to be found later by some hikers and his life's story to become a book and a movie. Does he qualify for invisibility after all this recognition? I mean, how far do you have to go to be completely socially invisible? After all your effort to detach from everything material and every ownership that is bound to your name, alienate friends and distance your family, escape civilization and go as remotely as your strength can bring you. And still, someone at some point will somehow find a sliver of your existence and will manage to track your whole life backwards and bring you back, again, forever.

And as my thoughts focus on exile and isolation, I feel more and more alone in the office, like the other desks have sneakily moved away from me, and I raise my head to look around me, and there is no office any more, just me on my desk in an infinite space. And as I get up out of shock, my desk, my chair and then the floor, disappear. I am suddenly floating into a colorless void, and I feel gravity, and I am slowly falling, and I am getting smaller and smaller, and I feel stiff and weightless, like a small plastic toy soldier, and I land lightly on a pillow, and the impact is soft, but it wakes me up. And I am me again. And I am in my bed. My alarm is ringing. It is four o'clock in the morning. I have to get up for work. I am me again. A forty year old man. Married. Three kids. I work in my dad's bakery. Trying to put the pieces of my dream together and  reassemble my thoughts I realize - I cannot even go to the toilet without somebody looking for me. I cannot even remember when was the last time I was alone. I guess I win the prize ain't I? And as for you little guy in the office, sitting there, pondering about your social value and who is going to miss you, I don't know who you are, but I kind of like you, and maybe, I already miss you a bit.

Author's Note

My first public post of a short story. I am not a native English speaker so if you see typos or things don't make much sense I would really appreciate the feedback. And of course since this is my first story, any feedback would be very appreciated.