4

Oh my. How on earth do I tell this. How on earth do I piece it all together. Even if I went in chronological order it still would be confusing. Stuff is all connected and it overlaps. I'm telling you, it's my very own personal puzzle to solve, and God has given me all the clues I need to piece it together. He gives me lessons that are filled with symbols and mysteries and clues, I think because He knows that's how I'm the most impacted. What kind of nerd am I? To be so amazed at my own life? Is it just me? Or is my life sort of "off"?

Speaking of puzzles. The other day I had a disturbing dream, it involved lizards and a small black snake. A viper. And when I woke up, baffled as to its meaning, I had a vision: remember those old snake puzzles made by the Rubik's Cube people? A long plastic thing that you folded up into a ball, or other geometric shapes and designs? Well, I saw one. Green and white. And I heard in my spirit, "Snake Puzzle."

Yeah. For me to solve. And just when I thought I had it figured out, I realized, there are more and more layers to it. But just remember the whole snake thing. You will be quizzed later.

 

I guess in order for this to make sense, I'll have to back way up, to 1988. That's when the story really begins. Or, see, that's where it ends. 1988 was a cut-off year for me. My old life ended and a new one began. Trauma split my mind. (this is why that particular movie was so disturbing to me.) My boyfriend in '88 is a key player in all of this, and I don't know why. But it has something to do with the fact that he was the last person who saw me before I "changed". It's as if, somehow, I left my old self with him, on a spiritual level?

He was with me after the abortion. He caught my fall. I had already ditched the guy who got me pregnant, just ran like a child from him, not facing reality and not even telling him what I did till months later. He found out.

Anyway, I'll call him J. The good boyfriend. I went to his apartment the day of the abortion and spent the next several months with him. He knew me inside & out and loved me anyway. Hard to believe, but true. He's the one who crashed me into the table, during the helmet incident. He's the one I learned to "sleep with" for real...literally, go to sleep next to. I'm getting to my point. I left myself behind with him. And then I split, in more ways than one.

 

1988 was a year of really intense spiritual warfare as well.

Oh my goodness. If I'm going to tell this, I have to go back even further. I can't just half-way do this. You have to know who I was and what I struggled with. You have to know the battle that started raging against me when I became a Christian. And how my mind was attacked through trauma. You know, trauma and abuse are great inroads to demonic attacks? Did you know that? Our minds are so vulnerable. I have overcome so much. And nobody knows it but me...(sappy music playing in background)