8

I don't know when exactly it took place. When I acquired the familiar spirit. Come to find out, that's what it was.

I don't know if it was hanging out with me all my life, or what. I do know that in my teen years, I seemed to grow more and more introspective and depressed and just...what's the word? Well, as the fighting between my parents escalated, and my dad's taking it out on me intensified, I think during that time I started to slip. In my mind. In my emotions.

I would give anything to see a blueprint, a timeline. Something that lays it all out for me, step by step. No, wait. Scratch that. Next thing you know I'll be having a dream of the whole story of my life and then I'd have to tell you all about it and then we'd never wrap this up and I'll be 80 years old, still blogging, and you'll be all covered in spiderwebs and your teeth falling out one by one, and you're like, "Oh please God oh please make her shut up..."

 

 

Well you know, I'm only telling people about what I experienced because it's true for us all, and what I've lived through is not out of the ordinary at all. In fact my mom & I were just discussing this the other night. Actually she was discussing and I was crying. I said "Mommy my life is so bizarre!" And she said, "No honey, your life is very normal. God just has a very special way with you." See? So that's that. If I have had to deal with this stuff then you might too.

What was I saying? Oh yes. The world of demons. Well, come to find out, they are real. There have been several occasions when I've had a "sighting" of this one in particular that looks like me. For one thing, my mom recalls seeing it when we still lived in Oak Cliff, when I was about 7 years old. She said she saw me come into the room when she was sick, laying in bed, and it said something to her. She sat up and it disappeared. She thought it was me, but then she thought she had imagined it.

Another time, when I was about 17, I was asleep in bed, and I sensed a presence over me, standing beside my bed, staring at me. I didn't even open my eyes, I was afraid to, I just knew there was someone there. Finally I did it. I opened my eyes and there she/it was, leaning over my bed, staring at me, watching me sleep? A girl. But the problem was, she/it was see-through. I screamed. It stood upright for a minute, then turned, stopped in the middle of my room and appeared to do something like touching my clothing? My floor was covered in my clothes. This transparent female thing was handling my clothes. Then it turned and looked at me, then walked away. Faded away. I screamed and ran down the hall into my parent's room and woke my mom up, told her what I saw. She didn't know what to say. She said I must have been dreaming or something.

Then, when I did the generational curse prayers, back in the early 90's, the night I completed the prayers I had a brief vision (but I didn't know it was a vision at the time) of a female demon, it looked like me, it was laying in the leaves of the forest floor. I sensed that it was laying dormant. Not dead, not asleep. Dormant. And that she had departed from me. Freaky, I know. You wouldn't believe the crash course I got in the dark side. I'm telling you, I got a better education on those things than you'd get in Bible college.

Another time, in '98, I went to the trailer I was staying in, let myself in, tried to get into the bedroom, but the door was locked. I knew my boyfriend was in there, but he wasn't answering. I started banging on the door, finally he got up, and he was pale as a ghost, and shaking. He had a shotgun in his hand. Turns out, he saw me in the room that night, in the dark, walking toward the bathroom. Transparent. But me, down to the last detail.

So as it turns out, I had an imposter. Something that somehow gained access to me a long time ago. I heard this can only happen if a spiritual doorway was opened, but all I can think of as a child was playing with the Ouija board in Pam's apartment, and also seances that she supposedly had us participate in. She also read our tarot cards to us. Then, as a teen, the emotional abuse junk, the sex, and the drugs. I started trying various stuff here & there, never got hooked on anything, but liked the idea of experimenting. So as you can see, it's not a matter of was a doorway opened or not, it's like, take your pick! And top it all off with the abortion, which the Bible says is a form of child sacrifice.

Everything we do has a spiritual consequence. Drugs bend the mind and open it up to the demonic realm. Sex outside of marriage is robbing God of a gift that's only His to give. Abortion is murder. Abuse and trauma crack open the mind and emotions and if you try to exist all wounded there's no telling what kind of unseen infection you'll end up with.

Wait. What was I talking about? I think I was just summing up the whole "who I used to be" thing. 

 

 

Cup 2~ fluid on the brain

 

"Pharmacopea"

 

The "night vision" warning took place June 15, '05. The next day, Thursday the 16th, I met my new friend/coworker. It was our very first day to meet and work together. We hit it off instantly.

My new job. To most, a produce store. To me, a mysterious portal to the unknown.

The events started snowballing once I started at that place. I swear, it's some kind of vortex. It's a sham. Like the old porn shop in that movie Blast From the Past. It's a facade. Who knows what really goes on there?

 

Working with the herbs. That's what I did. Sold a bunch and took a bunch.

"Do not abuse My herbs" is what I heard one time, when I took all my various vitamins and herbs and combined them into one big bottle, losing track of what was what, just a grab bag of remedies, left it out on the counter and popped a few each day.

 

As it turns out, they are to be treated with respect. Herbs are the original form of medicine. Genesis points that out. They are chemically suited to our bodies and they are gentle. Good stuff.

But the line gets fuzzy. There are some herbs that are recognized today for their effect on the mind, and no, don't worry, I'm not going into my speech on weed. I'm talking about the seratonin-boosters and mood enhancers and such. I think the single herbs are good, such as St. John's Wort, but only in small doses and ONLY as needed. But today you can find all kinds of high-powered combos at the vitamin store, products that make claims to just really fix your whole head up. This is where we have to be careful, from a spiritual point of view.

I should know. I would stock up on said combos and pop 'em like candy. No different than toking it up, really. I was "abusing" His herbs. The Bible says taking any substance that alters our state of mind is a form of witchcraft. "Altering" is not just limited to getting stoned.  I can't say for sure where exactly the line is drawn, but the line is there for sure, and I can back it up.

 

My daughter has suffered from depression on & off, over the years, starting when she was 13. She was put on an anti-depressant by her dad, and a few months later she was suicidal. She didn't attempt anything, but she was having thoughts, she was extremely depressed. She came back to live with me in '04, after spending a few years with her dad, and right when she returned, she had her very first anaphlyactic shock episode. She nearly lost her life. She stumbled out of the bathroom, blue in the face, saying, "Mommy I can't breathe", then collapsed in my arms. I screamed for my dad to call 911. I had to keep her awake while we waited for the paramedics, she kept nodding off and saying, "I just need to go to sleep..." She was covered in whelps from head to toe and her lips were swollen and purple. When they arrived, they swarmed around her and it all happened so fast, I just remember seeing tips of syringes flying and they were doing all this stuff to her, one of them asking me did she take any drugs, what is she allergic to, etc...none of which I could answer. I was just dumbfounded. Her blood pressure was really bad, I don't remember the number but after they took it they brought in the stretcher and loaded her up. I kept asking them what was wrong with her, and I didn't get an answer until I was riding in the front of the ambulance, I asked the driver, "can you PLEASE tell me what is going on??" He said, "Your daughter is in anaphlyactic shock." That's it. That's all he said.

 

 

"Pharmakea"

 

My toe. Did I ever mention my mother's guilt over it? That she said that she took a certain drug that was prescribed for nausea while she was pregnant with me, only to find out later that several babies were being born with all types of deformities. Lots of lawsuits took place and the drug was recalled. Or something like that.

It's assumed that my skeletal assymetry (as they call it)  is a result of that. My mom taking that prescription. There's nobody else in the entire family, on both sides, who have any type of deformity. My toe has no knuckle. I think I've already mentioned my unmet desire to bend it.

Let's say that's the case. Then let's say, oh wow, about a month ago we discovered that my grandfather, the one I am a female DNA replica of, messed with drugs. Mind-altering stuff. Not only that, but he too "worked with the herbs".

The Bible says that as far as generational curses go, the "sins of the father" extend down to the 3rd and 4th generation.

Let's say my grampa had some spiritual issues and some unconfessed sins. That would make me and Leah the 3rd and 4th in line to inherit stuff. Let's also assume that what I was born with was a direct result of prescription drugs.

 

When I discovered the whole thing about breaking curses through prayer (actually just acknowledging things and asking Jesus to do it), I had no clue who was shady in the family, I had no idea of who did what. I didn't want to know! How can you know everything, anyway? So I just prayed for myself and Leah (Tommy somewhat fended for himself) (but I helped him out), after doing this, we were set free from all kinds of stuff. That's a whole different story. But we were covered and it was done.

But did you know that your actions can open doorways back up? It's not like you get Jesus to bail you out and then you can be all lazy and careless. It's our responsibility to STAY clean. Of course we screw up, so that's where His blood comes in. But when a person who knows all of this, such as myself, but willingly lets their guard down, and doesn't heed warnings, and gets lazy....God will not tolerate that.

 

I've been so busted it's not even funny.

 

 

So do you see where I'm going with this one? There is a door, and it was opened. But I never noticed it. It all comes together in the end. All 4 cups come together in one big thing. My Great Blowout.

 

This really is a puzzle for me to solve. Some of this is being shown to me now. And I had to ask God for that. He has been pressing me to write about this and I've been resisting. One of my excuses was "I just don't understand it all." Well as it turns out, He sheds light where it's dark, if you ask. No matter what.

Sometimes I'm afraid to pray. I'm afraid of what I'll see or what He'll tell me. That's fear. And fear comes from this nasty little thing called SELF. Also from the enemy of course. But SELF is a huge enemy as well. Causes all kinds of trouble.