Lovesick

Boy meets girl, a classic case of rejection

A week after my sixteenth birthday, I am sitting in a classroom with twenty-two other boys pretending to listen to a Latin teacher. Our minds are everywhere but here.

I for one cannot stop thinking about Connie. She is the reason for the lovesick state I have been in for weeks now.

She is the epitome of perfection to the sixteen-year-old me. She has hazel brown eyes and a classic face of beauty. She is wearing a navy school dress accentuating her figure. For a moment, it makes me wonder whether the school has intended this effect when making girls wear a uniform. With her hair in a boy cut, she is simply irresistible. I do not fight it, I am powerless. I recognize a higher force.

She walks with an air of carefree confidence, seemingly unaware of what she does to boys and men. With hindsight, that was a pretty naive thought on my part, I now know that she was aware of her powers. Pretending she wasn’t just made it perfect.

It starts with a smile.

Dexys Midnight Runners are playing their signature song Come on Eileen as a backdrop to the epic scene that follows. I am looking at Connie walking towards me along with two other girls all wearing winter jackets, woolen mittens and hats. She looks like an angel. She is laughing out loud because of something her friend said. Her gaze crosses mine and it seems to me that her smile is now directed straight at me. She simply says “Hi, don’t you just love this song ?”.

That’s it. That is all that happens. I am in awe.

Awe is called the eleventh emotion, beyond the basic ten known by science. Awe plays on the boundary between pleasure and fear, inspired by great beauty or the incomprehensible mystifying. It causes us to completely forget ourselves in a moment of great wonder, feeling the presence of something greater.

Yes, right on the mark. I am in awe.

And I am not equipped to deal with it. I manage to say a profound “Hi, yes I do” back at her and she gives me a coy glance that will stay with me forever. A few days later, I even ask her out in a burst of supreme confidence. She hesitates for a brief moment…

That moment lingers on in my eternity. It is a moment in which all is still possible and yet you feel that it is not you but fate that will prevail.

She said no.

Later in life, I learned how to see rejection as a useful step in the pursuit of victory. What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger and all that.

But back then, it took me apart. When it comes to drama, there’s nothing quite like unrequited love. For weeks I did not sleep or eat. It seemed to me that the meaning of life was found and instantly lost again.

If rejection hurts, rejection without a reason is a killer. It tortured me in the most intense way that she denied me the chance to  that one date. To my endless frustration, guys who were not paralyzed by her loveliness did manage to get on a date with her. And they did it in a casual way, nothing to it.

A lesson in love right there ! She needed a cool guy, a guy she had to fight for. Why did I not know that ? Why was this not genetically pre-arranged in my moves ? Why did all the males that preceded me let me go empty-handed to an unfair fight ?

Thinking back about it so many years later, it makes me wonder. Why was I in awe looking at her and not at other girls, who were in fact even more beautiful ? Why did her smile hold that much power over me, like I felt her sweet innocence was out of this world and I had to pursue her with everything I got?

Exquisitely painful as it was, I wouldn’t want to have missed it. This First Love which did not go beyond “Hi” and yet took on legendary proportions in my memory, inspired me to look for experiences that brought me the same feeling of bewilderment and wonder. But somehow, I never quite reached the same high octane level in my emotional fuel and probably never will.

By design it seems… you can only be truly lovesick once.

Author's Note

A new version is uploaded, thank you all for your comments!

Reviews

[Hal Matthews]

A couple really great things here Philip. That last line, killer. The moment she rejects him, devastating. You capture the feel and gut-wrenching anticipation and nervousness of this situation well. Where I think you're lacking, however, is exectution.

This story feels very "explanatory." A lot of extra stuff is included, but it doesn't feel like it's necessary. The extra long song quote, the explanation of the ten different kinds of emotions, the careful examination of the characters emotions in a "play-by-play" style throughout the story, it's all just a bit too much information. One of the things you do well is convey a lot with few words. When you write, "She said no," we feel the devastation the character feels because we've all been there, you don't need to explain every moment of it to us.

Again I'll say that your writing does an excellent job of resonating on a very human frequency, I just think it'd be so much more effective if you got the knife out and trimmed some of the fat away to give us a more healthy dose of the real-ness.

[Philip Muls]

Thanks Hal, I made some changes based upon your feedback. Kind regards, Philip

[Sesame]

Hi Philip,

Well-written, I can relate to the main character. Is this fiction or non-fiction. This feels all to familiar, makes me think of the time that I was most lovesick in my life. As a story goes, I was waiting - wanting - for a twist somewhere, to make the events more interesting. But the well described emotion quite made up for this. So good job. A small suggestion would be to write out numbers ('two' instead of '2').

Regards,

Sesame

[Philip Muls]

It is non-fiction happy to say. I am thinking about what you wrote of needing a 'twist'. Would that not destroy the painful innocence of it ?

[Sesame]

You just might be right. Crazy thought: switch the paragraph "thinking back..." With "exquisitely painful..." This connects the reflecting questions with your conclusion "by design..." More effectively. Just a thought...

[Briana]

The cheeseball in me really enjoyed this, but I found some of the language strange on the ear when reading. It could of course only be that I'm hearing a child's story told with an adult's authority and vocabulary. The story did have nice flow, and what small dialogue there was to be had did not seem forced in any way. I cannot say I was sucked into this story, but I did enjoy it quite a bit. You're beyond me in skill, that's for sure. Well done.

[Philip Muls]

Thanks for the open and relevant feedback Briana.

[RT]

What a beautiful piece. You capture the essence of the young lovesick perfectly. It amazes me the way you are able to put into words the feelings humans have. However, I do have a few issues with it... The jump back and forth in time is not smoothly done for me. I was confused where I was in time a couple of times in the story. Maybe work on letting the reader know in a better way? I also wasn't really excited about the breaking of some of your paragraphs - some seemed like they were far too short - they should not have been alone. Example: I'd put your sentences near the end together. And your last sentence and "she said no" would be stand alone... Does this go with your other piece Angst? I love your work...

[Philip Muls]

Thanks for the relevant feedback. I worked on it and hope the flow in timing is better now.

[Francis Orion]

Wow, I like this story. I think everyone has become fixated on someone with having a good reason. Is it just human nature. I remember be infatuated with a girl in 8th grade, for no reason. It was just something about her. Then, after be rejected by her, a mutual friend told me about her. She wasn't very nice to say the least, at least by 8th grade standards. Your story definitely brought me back to that place. It's very well told. I really like how you use small moments to convey your feelings. It's also told very subtly, you can feel your downcast from being lovesick, yet you didn't overdramatize it. Well told story.

[Philip Muls]

Thanks for the kind feedback. It is great how this triggers 'old and fond memories'.

[Taylor]

I like the subject matter of this piece and your analysis. I wonder what would happen if instead of writing it in sort of an "essay style'" you wrote it instead in a more active voice--in scenes where the reader could see, touch and feel the potency of those encounters. I suspect because it's such a universal subject, the reader might surprise you and "get" your message without spelling it out per se.

[Philip Muls]

Hi Taylor, thanks for the open and relevant feedback. I know I am 'telling' too much...

[William Richards]

Hi Philip, I enjoyed this piece very much. Probably because it reminds me of a younger version of myself, which I'm pleased to have moved on from!

A few minor grammatical things that may cause a disconnect for some readers: '16 year old' should be '16-year-old' and 'completely forget ourselfs' should be 'completely forget ourselves.'

I really enjoyed the paragraph where you broke down emotions into ten parts and explained that awe was an eleventh emotion, that was interesting.

And my favourite bit was the short, witty paragraph: 'She said no.' And how the protagonist was shocked by this, very well done.

Good work. Keep writing :-)

[Philip Muls]

Thanks for the relevant and kind feedback William.

[747]

I enjoyed this, but not for the usual reasons. I liked the way you talked about emotion, and took the time to explain awe. Even though as readers we probably all knew what the word meant, to have your character clearly explain his personal definition of the word definitely enhances the emotional attachment to the character.
When reading though, it feels a bit anti-climactic. Often, short stories have an unsuspected twist. Yours does, but it's quite subtle. It's rather interesting, it leaves a different sentiment with the reader.

Overall, great job. I liked the piece, and its message.

[Philip Muls]

Thanks for the relevant feedback. Yes it is probably anti-climatic but by design. It is non-fiction and it took me a while to get back on my feet after that.

[Kaliope]

You beautifully captured the emotions of love and rejection, especially during those difficult years of puberty. I only have one criticism: the James Blunt citation imho stopped the flow for two reasons - the quotation was too long, and I couldn't help thinking that the era is totally wrong. You're talking about early eighties and then jump 20 years ahead by citing this song (published in 2004), that took me out of the story for a moment. I understand that your protagonist is looking back, but it still felt wrong to me.

Other than that I really liked this story!

[Philip Muls]

Thanks for the relevant feedback. I took out the James Blunt citation indeed.

[katie]

This perfectly defines love. Perfectly captures first love and heartbreak. I'ts these experiences that build character. That help you become the person you're going to be. It seems you never quite get over your first heartbreak though.

[Philip Muls]

Thanks for the kind feedback Katie.