Rutlish times pt1

based on my experiences and memories at school. a very nostalgic write....came close to shedding a tear...jeez i need to man up.

This one is based about my time in an all boys secondary school.

 

So I was about 11-12 when I started rutlish and on my first day my mum thought it would be funny to pack my bag as if I was about to trek to mars. The thing was bigger than me and it held everything. My P.E kit, books, lunch….everything. My initial thought was this before I actually got to school;

“heh heh heh I hope I’m in class with some bangin ting. Might be a potential wifey(girlfriend to normal people)

Now….you could understand my feelings of confusion, disappointment and horror when I found out I was in fact locked in a place for 6 hours a day surrounded by BOYS. No p***y in sight. It was so uncomfortable. How the hell was I going to survive this? I knew no one so come lunch break I was just wandering round the place like an old person who lost their nurse. This was only for the first few weeks though. Made a couple of friends and that’s when everything started kicking off. I knew from that point I would love and hate this school.

 

We didn’t even fear the teachers….

 

LOL JOKE. We were all p*****s. Especially against an R.E teacher called mr twitchell. This guy was in the Falkland war. He saw his friends die, he….i think killed a couple of guys but that’s not confirmed. But seriously he was scary. Had the voice of thunder. If he shouted at you it was felt in the soul, this guy did not f**k about. I say that but really all his R.E lessons consisted of him talking about his times in the war and how he has seen it all and that…..heh if that means we get no work we do not give a monkeys. Ah one of my favourites though was miss Heffernan. You know you fucked up as a teacher when the students start singing the imperial march while you walk past them (the song is in the description, recommend you listen to it before reading on.) seriously she was a raging c**t bucket, she was old and looked like a blonde witch. She would make you miss break if you did not copy everything from her white board WHICH she rubbed out every 5 seconds. Stupid b***h…..

 

But nothing compared to the 12 minute runs.

 

See in rutlish….the laws of time was a myth. a 12 minute run was really 1 hour of just jogging around a field….and in winter…this was just killer. I had a proper fat a*s P.E teacher called MR gormally , he looked like peter griffin in a tracksuit. This raised a question…which I’ll get to later but back to the 12 minute runs. See these runs lasted an entire lesson and you could NOT walk. If you was caught then captain bellend and his megaphone would tell you to speed your a*s up. If your lesson was before break or lunch….well you’re pissed as you are getting F**K ALL.

Now onto Mr gormally. This guy….he was so….large. it was amazing. How the hell do you get to that size and still walk? He looked like a hairy plum. The scary thing was….because he was fat didn’t mean he wasn’t fast. This guy could BOOOOOOOOOOOOT . he was like the result of usain bolt being dropped in a pool of bleach and eating burgers out of depression. If he ran after you….you were likely to get caught and grabbed like a hoe when she disobeys her pimp….

 

Oh but that wasn’t the worst…

 

There was a teacher who was black….who was racist to….BLACK PEOPLE. I am not messing you about, he was a f*****g bounty. Black on the outside, white as snow on the inside. His name was mr pryce and he was a C**K. he also had the same name as me…phillip and wore glasses so everyone kept calling him my dad…*sigh*. This guy was tense though. He was tall, lanky and whenever he got angry some vain that resembled the river thames would pop up on his forehead.

 

He shouted at me for sneezing…..

 

Yes…he was that much of a dickhead he shouted at me for an involuntary reaction. These are exactly the words he said (I remember well because I started crying straight after LOL)

“is that the best you can do…..IS THAT THE BEST YOU CAN DO? YOU WANT TO SPREAD DISEASE IN MY CLASSROOM AND YOU DON’T EVEN COVER YOUR MOUTH? YOU WANT US TO GET SICK BECAUSE YOU CAN’T BE BOTHERED TO BE POLITE AND NOT SPREAD GERMS?  IS THAT THE BEST YOU CAN DO?”

 

You’d think if someone got this angry from a sneeze just imagine him when you don’t do the homework he sets you….he flips s**t, and talking back? Oh my god….don’t…if you value your eardrums…just don’t.

 

But there were perks to going to an all boys school…..

 

See there were some BANGIN female teachers. One of them was mrs Baptist. Now she only taught me once but my god….oh man….i swear she would flirt with the boys. See I remember asking her for help and her b***s are pretty much on the big side. So she leans on my table to look at my work….shes opposite me these times so I have got a face full of glorious cleavage. The temptation to look was….seriously….ah  man.

 

I’ll continue this in pt 2! 

Author's Note

the song about miss heffernan :) and again ignore the grammar. not the focus.

Reviews

[That_Girl]

Oh my god this had me in stitches! F*****g hilarious! Mr. Pryce... oh dear lord. His rant that you remembered and wrote down was... god that was funny. I'm sorry it happened but... damn. He reminds me of my phys ed teacher who happened to be my best friend's mom... she HATED me and made sure everyone knew.

Anyways, LOVE it!! Bring on Part 2!! :D

[nigrum homonculus]

LOL thanks. he was a full time dickhead seriously. oh damn! how did she do that? haha yeah it'll be up tomorrow or the day after

[That_Girl]

I would mouth off and she's make me run also while everyone watched and made an "example" out of me. Extra pushups was another favorite punishment. :p and he really sounds like it!!

[nigrum homonculus]

LOOOL oh i hate that. that's what my fat a*s P.E teacher did. push ups? i would love that!

[That_Girl]

Well I had NO upper body strength so she'd make me do them until I couldn't breathe! She learned quick how I loved to run so she had to improvise. :p

[xxxrawr_friendxxx]

LOL Does'nt sound like a very fun school. Can't wait for part 2! :D

[nigrum homonculus]

loool it was like prison. it gets worse in pt 2.